Let's get started..
>>40384078
>perhaps a more obvious approach is warranted
It sounds worth trying. Body language is already a great step though. It sounds like you are already on the right track. Try recalling an exchange with a closer friend of yours that made you feel alien. Or try to articulate the things you feel you are alone with.
>part of me feels it is undeserved
>but my insecurity strong-arms me into believing otherwise.
It is really, really difficult. That you spiral/ruminate is unfortunately a common issue and something that needs to be addressed. I am gonna focus on the below for a bit.
>I want to fight it, but it is ingrained in my behavior.
>It drives me to action, which is a flawed attempt at repairing my self-image.
Tell me if this is the kind of drive you experience:
>"I am lazy and worthless and I need to get off my ass"
>"I will do this and this and this"
>succeed either partially or fully
>"this was the bare minimum. I need to keep pushing"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUnz5rv70uQ describes this phenomenon in greater length I believe.
>I need hope. Sorry for the rant, and thanks for taking the time to listen.
I am here to help Anon! Of course I listen, gladly even! I feel like we are getting close to something actionable here on two fronts at least.
>>40384777
>You've earned a great deal of respect from me.
Awh.. thank you. In the end, remember that the things you do, they are a product of your own strength.
>Your posts, as well as the posts of other Anons in this general are great for advice and consoling.
I'm glad to hear!
>>40384787
>Had to literally pull the GDPR up for the railcard people lmao
Jesus Christ, fingers crossed it goes through! Still glad you did it!

>>40323735
A lovely pursuit in and of itself. Breath of knowledge is valuable beyond direct applicability since it trains different modes of engagement with a problem. You mentioned career and friends, what is your general situation right now? Student? Employed?
>social anxiety is crippling.
>It feels entitled and lacking awareness to discuss it anymore exhaustively.
It isn't. A common thing for people in your situation to burden themselves with a sense of needing to anticipate every conceivable faux pas that could happen. You are encouraged to be more carefree here! I see you trying, don't you worry. Any error will be pointed out and forgiven, and making errors is encouraged.
>I need a stable source of internal contentment and assurance which I am not capable of
How does its absence manifest?
>I cannot even talk to friends about this, I'm unsure some would even listen.
The words doing the heavy lifting here are "unsure" and "some". It only takes one or two to listen, if the others can't deal, that is okay.
>>40324446
I'm definitely trying not to burn the candle from both ends. There is a high chance something is going to hurt my feelings a great deal tomorrow. As such, I won't post I think. I will be okay. It was just a promise. And they might keep it..
>Like they were the wrong person to confide in
>I’ve been afraid of going home to my parents again even though my mom frequently writes me.
From what I have seen it is a common reaction to self isolate like this in a variety of situations. Unfortunately, from what I know the way forward is to do the counter-intuitive. For the friend, you can try putting some of it into words and sending it, enough so you can tell yourself "they already know so I might as well". I don't know about your mom since your family situation always sounds like there are a lot of things burdening you.
>I’m sorry for blabbering on.
I am glad you do, how else would I know what you are going through?

>>40159296
>>40159306
That is why I suggest leaning a bit on others and sharing your thoughts. It helps even if the person isn't necessarily saying much, in that case it is usually called rubber ducking.
>We've communicated a lot lately and I find that our relationship is fairly stable.
>They know a lot about me personally at this point, years even.
That is very good already! I understand don't wanna be a burden but I do think talking to them about your feelings and leaning a little will make the whole ordeal more bearable. You even already do open up around them.. it sounds like all the groundwork is there.
>>40162335
>I just slept an hour.
Do you generally have sleep sched issues?
>Tomorrow I will try again. Everyday is a battle.
it is. And sometimes we are prone to all or nothing thinking when a day starts like crap.
>Is the loneliness, regret, and shame going to become to much to bear today?
You are making amazing progress in the face of that. I want to tell you that. Admirably so, the amount of effort you put in.
>not doing great, not doing bad, just survivin'. How is everyone else?
I'm doing alright myself, I mostly processes my mom's death and now I am just slowly trying to get back into my daily routine. Gonna meet up with loved ones this July. Also had some water just now.
>>40163148
>>40163176
It's okay Anon, I am glad you got it out of your system. We can talk about emotional aspects of it all if it helps.