Thread 40383575

Beach Edition (And happy Bastille day to the French Anons)
previous: >>40313385 (beheaded eary, please check for replies)

Goal of the thread:Consider the things you want to improve or accomplish, whether long- or short-term. What small steps can you make towards those goals?
Daily goals can be repeated. Remember to keep score, it can only go up!

>What is this thread for?
Getting better is hard, and sucks. A lot. It does not get easier doing it alone.
Share resources and experiences with combating depression, anxiety, personal issues, achieving or maintaining a healthy weight, etc.
>Why is this thread /lgbt/?
Struggles with mental and physical health are an indisputable part of /lgbt/ life, be it from dysphoria, social pressure, heartbreak, or just unfortunate lifestyle choices.
>Notes to consider:
Please be civil. Shame is your greatest enemy in fighting urges of self abuse (be it sh, drugs, or just self deprecation). Relapsing into bad and unhealthy habits is to be expected, the goal is to increase the average amount of time it takes between relapses. Any improvement is a victory no matter how small. Your worth and right to get better are non-negotiable. And most importantly:
WE ARE NOT THERAPISTS, WE DON'T REPLACE MEDICATION
>Note on advice
Generic advice won't necessarily help you in particular, but for those it does it is an essential foundation to build future progress on, not a miracle cure. Do not underestimate the effects subtle changes to your lifestyle can have. Try first, keep us posted on your progress, build from there.

We are *always* short on self help resources, so if anything was useful to you, let us know!
Since the OP is getting too long I moved all resources into their own post, see below!

## RESOURCE LINKS:
Resource link paste: https://rentry.co/sig-resources-2025-07
General advice from Anons: https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04
Posts from other sites (markdown format): https://sntry.cc/sig-posts-2024-04

Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

NEWCOMERS PLEASE READ!
This general is slow. However, unlike many generals, it is carefully curated by a dedicated Anon (me) who makes an effort that no post goes unreplied if he can find something helpful to say. This means that, should a thread die before your post was replied to, he will go back and cross-reference it in the next thread. You can follow cross references to archived threads using the 4chanx extension (ask if you need to know more) or manually search https://archived.moe. If you don't wanna deal with that, OP will gladly refer you to the reply if requested to.

Also: I am currently working on an FAQ to try help people with onboarding. I haven't had the time yet to write one up but I take suggestions.

>>40377391
>One thing that draws people toward me in spite
I really should express this more, usually my behavior implies enjoyment (smiling, nodding, and gesticulation), but perhaps a more obvious approach is warranted. I just hate the idea that people maybe immediately put off by something so insignificant like speech.
>how does it feel others would likely think the same about you?
It feels good, I guess, but a part of me feels it is undeserved. One person in particular tells me I have many positive qualities at lowest moments, but my insecurity strong-arms me into believing otherwise. Hours of rumination break me down and have me believing I'm a loser because I failed to launch. It's been a long time since I've been able to disagree with such thoughts in a productive and healthy manner. I want to fight it, but it is ingrained in my behavior. It drives me to action, which is a flawed attempt at repairing my self-image.

I've been at it for years, with admittedly shitty attempts at fighting the negative self-image. I need hope. Sorry for the rant, and thanks for taking the time to listen.

I am slowly but surely making peace with the fact I need to be alone for a good portion of my life, to keep me and those I care about secure and safe.
Slowly but surely.
My life was the result of objectively bad decisions, but there's no reason I can't perform damage control and escape my current predicaments.

>found the fucker and included a small addendum that was made to it
Thank you, I appreciate the effort.

>And even then it can quite quickly feel like it is all for naught all on one's own, yeah
Yeah.

>Alright then I suppose what you need is something to latch onto. Some people like to cook, others like to exercise, others again like to garden. Whatever it is, it needs to be something you can ideally do every day, something that is in your power
I can focus on on studying, job searches and drawing I think.
I really need and want money, I don't want to live at the mercy and generosity of others anymore.

>It does not have to be the same thing every day but it must be something every day. Saturdays, my thing is going out for a coffee. It as been for almost 20 years now, originally going window shopping but the principle stands
So, like small habitual habits that keep me going on a weekly basis?

>It can be anything from meal prep to stretches to something as simple as a small ritual of personal significance
I see, sounds reasonable.

>Dwell on it a bit and tell me if you can dream up something of that sort
I have a few I can consider.
But, I will keep thinking about it for now until I can find a more resolute answer.

>And thank you for indulging mine!
I appreciate being able to talk to someone about these things without the fear of repercussions.

>>40377028
>Alrighty! And.. I do wanna let you know that you let me feel your appreciation for my efforts
I'm glad my appreciation is visible.
You've earned a great deal of respect from me.

>I hope you know I consider it all worth it!
Your posts, as well as the posts of other Anons in this general are great for advice and consoling.

>>40383575 (OP)
I sent a couple emails the other day to try to hopefully get my name changed on my passport and my railcard. Had to literally pull the GDPR up for the railcard people lmao

>>40383579
Is the unofficial discord any good

>>40385049
I'll try it out in the coming weeks and let you know.

>>40383575 (OP)
there's a few things i want to sort out in my life

my room is a mess
i need to find out how to get a driving licence that doesn't misgender me
and i need to make a decision on if i actually want to go to uni or not

I don’t even feel suicidal anymore
Just listless
I’m utterly alone and I feel like nobody should have to suffer me
I tried to get close to people but it wasn’t enough and I’m not enough and I’m tired

just wanted to stop by to reassure i'm alive, not great, but alive. please take care of yourselves as best you can everyone <3

hi friends i have never posted here before but /fit/ yelled at me when i asked for advice there so hopefully this is also okay
this picture is a few months old and the abs are the result of some really simple exercises i was doing most mornings (crunches, leg-lifts, and hollow-body holds, specifically) for like fifteen minutes or so. a lot of things have changed since then and i have lost all the muscle bc i lost my routine and got lazy, so i have to start over now.
anyways, i wanted to ask about what sorts of exercises i could do to get my whole body toned, like this. the routine i had was really simple and i actually had no idea how much of a difference it had really made until i realized all the muscle wasn't there anymore, so i'm thinking it does not need to be super complicated, but i don't know what exactly to do. what i had asked over there was if simply adding some push-ups and squats to the routine would suffice, or if there were better or more efficient exercises i could do. i have absolutely no idea what i am doing, so really any advice at all would be appreciated. ty :)

It seems like most people around me are happy and enjoying life. But has the concept of being happy and enjoying life gone too far? More at eleven.

>>40385049
I've tried it out before, it's a default /tttt/ discord with very little connection to these threads. Don't bother unless you're trans.

>>40365186
Shit. What an awful turn of events. Being placed in a position like that with a ton of expenses to cover something you couldn’t help because you weren’t given enough info… I’m sorry to hear somebody dragged you into something like that, siganon. That really does sound like a mess. And a very aggravating one at that. I won’t force you to go into detail or think about it too much, but I hope the people who didn’t inform you in time are mature enough to take responsibility for their mistakes. That feels like the least they could do to make amends.
>given her track record, someone who can dish out so unreasonably can stand to tank a hit.
She’s in a pretty bad place mentally, so I don’t she can, really. Not that that makes everything alright but…
For as much as she has hurt me in the past and in the present she is still the close family member that has hurt me the least and helped me the most.
I can’t risk making her feel worse than she already does.
But I need to stay my distance from all of them whenever possible. There is nothing good in that house for me aside from the pets and the plants.

Home again from visiting my family.
Wrote some observations down right after to keep a log of what happened and how I felt.
I do this often. When people try to gaslight me I silently look through my logs to prevent it from getting to me. It also helps me spot potential triggers, even if I hate using that word.

The TLDR is that going back there makes my suicidal and dissociative thought patterns worse, and that I only really feel like myself around the cat. Writing the things I felt down I think I’ve come to understand the source of some of my issues with food better. My sleep habits reverted back to what they were when I had to stay inside my room until night to say safe, so I guess that hasn’t left me either. staying there definitely affects me negatively… I’m very glad to be home.

My mother remarked that she feels sorry for my brother having to experience the recent episode with my dad being sent to the hospital because it left him feeling scared.
I guess I’m happy that she recognises the impact it has had on him, but I can’t help but wonder why the same doesn’t apply to me. I was right there with them, seeing the same thing they did.
I don’t know.
This feels like an absence of concern born out of convenience.

But I don’t want to bother telling them that it impacted me too.
There is nothing for me to gain from it, so it’s a waste of energy to try.
Keeping it to myself has its own cost but at least it keeps things more predictable. I hold no power over their reactions, but I do hold some over my own, so… That’s the plan for now.
Take care /sig/.
I’m trying my best again tomorrow.

Here's the responses that didn't make it into the last thread, I will catch up with the posts from this thread tomorrow. I also cooked up some bits of the FAQ I mentioned above, but I still need to fill in a couple more questions that are, well, frequently asked before it makes sense to have eyes on it. For now, I wish everyone a good night.
>>40377970
Ah yes that sounds right! Hope to hear from you again soon.
>>40378349
Oh I remember you posting a pic earlier I forgot to respond to after it got deleted. It was cute! The question is, what is the source of your feelings?
>>40378398
>even benign tasks have a ton of weight due to how my life works.
Exactly, which is why I hope there is comfort in knowing it won't be the case as you grow more independent. The reason I stress this is because, and I hope that is a hopeful thought, there is a lot of baggage you will be able to unlearn bit by bit.
>>40379104
All the best Anon, do get well soon!
And it sounds like you made progress as well, I would like to hear more about your cooking class sometime.
>>40379195
>I'm definitely going to try to emulate the way they did that in future hookups
A good call, I think! As for the intimacy thing.. I am not much of a hookup guy, I tend to get close to people before I ever consider anything lewd, but I still get what you mean I believe. The best advice I can think of for you is to keep several people close to you, not necessarily in a sexual way, but one of genuine connection. Having emotional intimacy covered makes you less starved of it, which makes you attach less easily.

>>40386608
what do you mean by this nonny? i think enjoying life is the most important thing you can do in your life and it's worth figuring out how that can be possible for you
>>40386904
>I’m trying my best again tomorrow.
that's all anyone can ask of you :) i'm not sure i have context enough to say something really meaningful, but i'm sorry you had to go through that. i'm glad you're back home.

bump

I am empty but alive
You gotta keep going
Even if it kills you you gotta keep living

Things i learned today (currently running off mixed fear and adrenaline or whatever) a shit tripfag blog post
1) fucked up my loading dose of EUn (my dumbass decided that my sublingual dosing counted as a loading dose, stupid mistake)
2) A 1ml syringe is a lot easier to draw with than a 5ml
3) Dispensing needles are not at all suitable for drawing
4) Spending 5 minutes with a needle in my side sticking 80mg of EUn into me sucks
I dont know what people use as coping mechanisms but for whatever reason I ended up watching old RM recruiting material (very cringe of me)

Sorry for being like extremely mentally ill for like what 10 days? I don't wanna be a worry but yea...
Bad headspace and my hormone levels were quite possibly fucked. I should hopefully be back on form.
Uhh other shit i forgot to mention.
Did my first session of laser, made my hairs kind of go darker i think from maybe burning idk but yikes (it is fucking me up a little), I'm still waiting to see the results of that so I wont doom - holy fuck it smarts tho.
Ordered an at home blood test kit so I'll be checking levels in a week or so.
>>40385651
Honestly just calisthenics probably will sort you if you do a very marginal bulk you'll help with muscle dev but you'll have to cut weight to lean out again if you do put on fat.
But yeah. Idk if you want arm development, if you do exclude pressups but if you do, pressup board + sets of 3x15-20 3x a day will sort you (for gods sake do the form right, elbows to sides, full RoM).
Everything else you're looking at seems sound.
>>40385049
Depends how you define good, there's a few of us who are quite active, I get very bored on shift and tend to spam.
As >>40385361 said it's not super connected to the thread but I wouldn't say it's standard /tttt/cord levels of brainrot. Most of us are trans but shit if you're a cisgay by all means I'll get a bit malebrained if it helps.
>>40379195
I have no commentary but I am taking notes.

>>40390700
Oh i forgot, i rearranged my room as well so it's actually livable which is something i neglected for like the last 2 years and I'm slowly working my way through that. Which is going to include throwing out a load of old guy clothes (honestly I want to toss basically everything aside the bare minimum i need to guymode at gym/work/quick shop runs). Idk I blew off getting further along with it today because mental illness/hormones but yeah.
The whole hormone thing is so stupid, I could feel that something was off because repper brain was returning. It's not the reason for everything but it sure didn't help (my gym being shut for 2+ weeks now also didn't help).
Apologies for letting the thread die yesterday as well, I'd been up on night shifts doing what I could but I'm trying to have a normal sleep schedule.

>>40390822
Oh fucking eugh forgot so spamming the thread like an insaneo.
>>40377378
I'm going to look into idk a paddle or something similar (idk about allat stuff but something safe to hit myself with).
I was kind of dumping in a few places but it's frankly not fair to others for me to be super mentally ill all over the place.
Certainly my first impulse being "bash head into wall" is just not sensible.

bump
will post more when I got time

>>40377598
>I would assume it is your environment that is wrong, not you.
I've done slightly better in other environments. Still hated, but far less isolated and miserable. If my situation changes, things could be better again. Thank you for reminding me.
>Can you meet and engage with other people in that space though?
Unfortunately, when dealing with someone who MUST constantly be the center of attention, not really. There's a shadow over every interaction I try to have. My hope was that the trouble would fade over time, but that would be better fortune than I've ever had.
>Oh, as in your medical condition bars you from work?
Correct.
>Are there any benefits you get at least?
None, because I very conveniently missed the age window for them. If I moved out I would have nothing.
>Hm, what specifically do you feel proven?
Humanity delights in arbitrary cruelty and petty displays of power. It's better to live in squalor next to someone who has it worse than to live in comfort next to someone who has it better. There's no reason not to lie if whoever you're lying to can't punish you for it. Kindness is weakness and the weak should be culled.
A server I joined recently was full of some of the most disgusting behavior I could imagine but the owner didn't seem to care. It's everyone who isn't a worthless loser too weak to impose misery and suffering on others who acts this way.

>>40390700
super cute pic

sorry for not posting anything yet, spiraled again with bad habits and worry

>>40384235
>>40377043

>>40383575 (OP)
Anybody got any good techniques for catching up on my sleep, non-chemically?

>>40394587
i do not think you have to apologize..thoughtfully replying to everyone in a thread, especially one like this, is hard work and you deserve rest too
i am still new to this gen.....does anybody ever ask how you are? how are you now?
you are doing the Lord's work, anyhow. give your brain a break <3

bump
Gotta to bed now, tend to the flame whilst I am away.

bump

>>40383575 (OP)
What is the context for op picrel? What does any of that mean??

>>40397007
khyle is an artist that often redraws memes or creates high effort shitposts with characters from popular anime. These are from frieren and the demon girl (who's head is watching her body making a suggestive pic of her nude silhouette, with accessories strategically places in the sand to dress the shadow up) died in that anime from beheading, and got the same treatment as Mami from madoka magika (ie her head coming off reaching meme status). There's a lotta additional easter eggs in this pic but OP clearly picked a headless girl because July 14th is bastille day, a holiday tied to the french revolution

bump

Bump

Being overweight makes me want to genuinely kill myself but depression-eating is kicking my ass idk how to just stay on track with a diet when its sm easier to eat ugh

I wish I felt human
It’s rare these days

Im pretty sure I'm never going to have friends

Today I… Couldn’t see much.
That wasn’t really the plan.
Based on the flickering electric rainbow that took up most of my vision I’m guessing I narrowly avoided a pressure induced migraine. No wonder my eye has been hurting again…
I had to abandon all plans and spend most of my day in bed because- well because of that. You never really know how bad it’s gonna get until it passes or “explodes”. It’s been a while since Ive had something like that. Unsure whether I should call my doctor … I guess I doubt she’d do much anyway.
What an odd day.
When I regained enough of my vision to read, the first thing to happen was stumbling across a thread about something that was done to me in my childhood and learning that it is seen as far worse treatment of children by social workers than I thought.
I guess thats nice to know.
Tomorrow… Well, hopefully there’ll be less static in my vision and more of that energy drink Ive been craving in my mouth. I really want to go outside. Fingers crossed.

>>40387598
That’s okay anon. I’m not sure there’s much meaningful to be said about it anyway, but thanks for giving me a portion of your thoughts and compassion :)

i’ll be moving in a month or two, and i think this is the time to kickstart my life. I’ve been working out, doing yoga, cleaned my room nice and good. it’s the first time in a couple months where i have goals and things to aspire to. a week of good wont change anything. but if i can keep this up, i think it’ll be worth it. i still dont like myself. and i did ghost a lot of people. but im hopeful i guess haha

Bump - page 9, worrying

Bump

everything passes

>>40401672
Eh, get it a little time.

>>40399923
Sounds like things are off to a good start.

Updates tonight, don't you worry
and thank you thank you THANK YOU for keeping it alive.

>>40404100
<3
stay safe anon

>>40399687
Same. It's a blessing and a curse.

>>40383575 (OP)
Weird mini life update, getting this all done in one go so bare with me please:
>Still no job despite constant applications
>Parents' relationship completely blown out
>Both of them are moving in romantically it seems, not clear on where that'll lead
>Financially things are still unstable, no way to help without a consistent job
>Siblings struggling to find work after being fired from previous job (partially parents fault, partially the job so demanding)
>My home country eats ass, in a bad way
>Family and personal morale pretty low
>This move abroad doesn't seem like the meal ticket I was foolishly hoping for
>All I seem to do is upset everyone, by being a financial and time sponge, even if they don't say so exactly I feel and see it
>Networking like a maniac, almost begin people for work and connections (I am that fucking desperate)
>Next week I'll attend some training for warehouse work, well outside my main field
>Still no car license yet (not that I even like driving), I keep failing everything
>Asking a relative for advice on how to move ahead in an actual career, instead of putting my faith in either of my parents (God knows I can't rely on them forever)
>Too much to mention at this stage, my brain feels like a a handle of yarn on fire

Jesus, I just wanted independence and a career that could feed me and help my family.
It can't be that much to ask.
I don't even want luxuries anymore, I just wanna stop being reminded how fucking awful life is every 5 minutes.

Goodnight for now, best of luck everyone.

Thank you for all the hard work, Siganon.
Sorry for cussing like a moody teenager.

I've lost 25kg.

>>40404626
Impressive, was that your main goal?

>>40405236
Thank you. Depending on where my muscle gets to I'd like to lose another 10kg.

>>40399281
This is something I’ve struggled with myself.

Something that helped me was looking for things to cook that I was excited to eat but were still healthier than the things I’d be eating otherwise.

It’s harder to keep eating the food you “should” be eating if you don’t like it as much. Teaching yourself that healthy food is boring makes you want junk food more.

I’ve heard that junk food is increasingly being viewed as addictive by experts. It’s packed with things we naturally crave because they’re scarce in nature like fat and sugar, and have a place in a healthy, balanced diet.

To make sure every meal you eat is as satisfying as possible, make sure it has a source of protein (like meat, tofu, chickpeas), carbs (potatoes, rice, pasta) and fat (like dairy or avocado).

Are you exercising? Do you know how much activity you’re getting every day? Dieting is important to weight loss, but so is a healthy amount of physical activity (which can feel like a lot because it’s normal to move around less than we should each day). Exercise can also build muscle that helps your body burn more calories — At least I think that’s how it goes.

I knew getting in shape would take time, and that made me want to give up instead of start. I’ve been actively working on losing weight for a year as of August, and I’ve still got a ways to go, but the journey has felt wonderful. Going down sizes in clothing, people in my life being impressed by my progress and dedication have all felt great. Not to mention that exercise has short term benefits like improving your mood and blood circulation. The process itself is rewarding.

>>40399281
This is me >>40404626
Start taking fish oil + a good multivitamin to help address your mood. Do daily exercises, even just in the bathroom before you shower so you can't excuse yourself from doing it. Get some sun.
For dieting it is important to make incremental changes. Just eat a little less, eat a little cleaner. Don't try to do it all at once or you'll burn out. It makes recovering from binging easier too.
More specific advice depends on what your eating habits are like. Some things that worked for me are drinking a lot of soda water, keeping snack food around like nuts or especially popcorn that are less calorie dense and more importantly less moreish than other junk. Slowly downsizing my portions, avoiding binges, eating healthy stuff before junkfood to cut down on how much I'd consume.
A big help for me too was working out which changed a lot of my food cravings and increased my daily calorie needs but I'm assuming you're some sort of bottom so that won't help you.

I hate these jobcenter weirdos. I'm not even taking their bloodmoney, but they keep bugging me.

Everything I do feels like a distraction
I am now alone and unable to reconnect because I feel so alien to others and myself.
If I was born right things eould

bump

Let's get started..
>>40384078
>perhaps a more obvious approach is warranted
It sounds worth trying. Body language is already a great step though. It sounds like you are already on the right track. Try recalling an exchange with a closer friend of yours that made you feel alien. Or try to articulate the things you feel you are alone with.
>part of me feels it is undeserved
>but my insecurity strong-arms me into believing otherwise.
It is really, really difficult. That you spiral/ruminate is unfortunately a common issue and something that needs to be addressed. I am gonna focus on the below for a bit.
>I want to fight it, but it is ingrained in my behavior.
>It drives me to action, which is a flawed attempt at repairing my self-image.
Tell me if this is the kind of drive you experience:
>"I am lazy and worthless and I need to get off my ass"
>"I will do this and this and this"
>succeed either partially or fully
>"this was the bare minimum. I need to keep pushing"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUnz5rv70uQ describes this phenomenon in greater length I believe.
>I need hope. Sorry for the rant, and thanks for taking the time to listen.
I am here to help Anon! Of course I listen, gladly even! I feel like we are getting close to something actionable here on two fronts at least.
>>40384777
>You've earned a great deal of respect from me.
Awh.. thank you. In the end, remember that the things you do, they are a product of your own strength.
>Your posts, as well as the posts of other Anons in this general are great for advice and consoling.
I'm glad to hear!
>>40384787
>Had to literally pull the GDPR up for the railcard people lmao
Jesus Christ, fingers crossed it goes through! Still glad you did it!

>>40384235
>Thank you, I appreciate the effort.
I think I forgot to post the comic last thread after saying I did.. Gosh. Here you go!
>making peace with the fact I need to be alone for a good portion of my life
I am not 100% sure about that but.. one thing after the other.
>I can focus on on studying, job searches and drawing I think.
Then, let's set you a schedule, and try that for now. Ideally you would have a work desk that is separate from where you spend your free time. Basically, setting you up with a schedule. You'd set yourself an alarm for every day, even on days you won't study (but you should still put something else in a morning slot instead). Do you think that is worth trying?
As an aside: I always get tell people that studying is a full time job in and of itself. For example, taking the ECTS system at face value implies a full time Bachelor or Master student has a 70hr work week.
>So, like small habitual habits that keep me going on a weekly basis?
Yes,exactly! Reasons to get up in the morning, so to say. "Excuses".
>But, I will keep thinking about it for now until I can find a more resolute answer.
>I appreciate being able to talk to someone about these things without the fear of repercussions.
Take your time, I am happy to be there!
>>40385533
Such a relief to see you, b! Please, don't hesitate to speak up. I will always gladly listen.
>>40385475
>I tried to get close to people but it wasn’t enough and I’m not enough and I’m tired
Could you expand upon this? I understand self isolation is a common impulse in dire situations but.. it doesn't help. But I understand you tried and it felt like it didn't work out at all, so I wanna learn more.

>>40406262
what do they even want?

>>40385379
Alright, I can walk you through those things bit by bit. For your driving license it strongly depends on your country, but usually there ought to be a service helpline tied to whatever agency is in charge of issuing them. They ought to forward you to whoever is responsible. For some countries you might also find guides online, sadly I don't have any on hand.
>room
That I can help with more succinctly. Would you say the issue is you get overwhelmed and don't know where to start? In that case compartmentalizing will help. For example, does your floor need tidying up? If so, I would like you to try and pick a square area of floor, for now. A manageable amount, maybe 30x30cm, or a ft^2. Set a fixed time and day and set yourself an alarm to tidy it up (remove trash, put things away). It will probably take much less than an hour. Look around your room, you will find that the total area is only a small multiple of that, right? So if you commit to this every few days, your room will already be massively different in a week.
>studies
well, what are you considering?
>>40386608
How do you feel today, Anon?
>>40386764
>people who didn’t inform you in time are mature enough to take responsibility for their mistakes.
He is.. very unwell. I am putting my anger and disappointment aside and try and be a good friend. But yes, there will need to come a time where this is discussed in earnest.
>She’s in a pretty bad place mentally, so I don’t she can, really.
Okay, that is fair. I guess I let my bad mood affect me there.
>>40389029
I hope you don't feel alone in this. I hope us being there and listening helps a tiny bit. I am rooting for you.

>>40390700
>>40390822
>>40390933
>(very cringe of me)
Cringe is ded, long live Navy.
>Sorry for being like extremely mentally ill for like what 10 days? I don't wanna be a worry but yea...
Girl this is /sig/, not "everyone is okay and perfectly fine and nothing bad ever happens general". On the contrary, if this general helped keep you afloat you did the right thing! Am proud of you.
Also.. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Once that is dealt with I really should look into cancer screening..
>holy fuck it smarts tho.
I heard it's not the most pleasant experience, and it's gonna take a few sessions before you really see results. You are doing amazing.
>Ordered an at home blood test kit so I'll be checking levels in a week or so.
Perfect!
>It's not the reason for everything but it sure didn't help (my gym being shut for 2+ weeks now also didn't help).
There is so much stuff that can fuck us over subconsciously, I think it is important we cut ourselves plenty of slack because of that.
>Apologies for letting the thread die yesterday as well
You're such a sweetheart, every bump is appreciated but I don't want anyone to feel obligated!
>Oh fucking eugh forgot so spamming the thread like an insaneo.
Girlie have you SEEN my posting style? Compared to my alphabet monoliths you are still perfectly hinged.
>I'm going to look into idk a paddle or something similar
Oh yes, bdsm is a valid pick! There is a whole thing about sub space and all that stuff that helps some people wrangle their nervous system.
>it's frankly not fair to others for me to be super mentally ill all over the place.
Nuance: some people can't handle it, some people can. You can only know by taking feedback at face value. I, for example, can handle it.

>>40386904
Welcome home shinjinon, and welcome back.
>I do this often. When people try to gaslight me I silently look through my logs to prevent it from getting to me.
This sounds like a brilliant approach honestly! And it seems to have served you well.
>even if I hate using that word.
Yeah I get it, but it is not your fault it was run into the ground by morons.
>This feels like an absence of concern born out of convenience.
Frankly, and maybe that is my cynicism, it feels right on the money. And I think it was a good call to not bother bringing it up. Best you can do is talk about it to people who actually understand you better, like you are perhaps doing right now. The way these things play out is unfair towards you, you do deserve better. I know it's not much but I want you at least to feel appreciated here and now.
>>40394587
Take your time, Anon. It is alright! We're here for you whenever.
>>40399281
One thing which you might find useful to combat depression eating is adding friction. That is to say, making it more difficult for yourself to snack. Not having particular things in your home, eating at the dining table without a screen, etc. Of course, you are human and still need coping mechanisms, things you enjoy, treats. We can also design you a diet plan if you want. You would be able to eat anything you want but would have to keep measuring how much you eat. If that is something you can stomach we could plan it out.
>>40399898
>learning that it is seen as far worse treatment of children by social workers than I thought.
That's a plus, at least. It is why I find it so important we have places to openly talk about unpleasant things, making us feel less alone. After all, this is part of what sig is all about, too.

I need to call it a night.
>>40392469
>Thank you for reminding me.
I'm happy to!
>Unfortunately, when dealing with someone who MUST constantly be the center of attention, not really.
Urgh, unfortunate.
>None, because I very conveniently missed the age window for them.
Okay, I am a bit confused. Suppose your parents were chucked into a black hole tomorrow. Would the government then just shrug and pretend you don't exist? Maybe I also don't fully understand the nuances here, or I am missing something specific to your country's legal quirks. Are you legally disabled, for example?
>It's better to live in squalor next to someone who has it worse than to live in comfort next to someone who has it better.
Frankly, this is the exact mindset that I experienced growing up in a small town, so it is not like I disagree with that observation. But.. as we are both aware, it is less human nature and more the quality of a given community that is the issue there. Our kindness is wasted on some people.
>A server I joined recently was full of some of the most disgusting behavior I could imagine but the owner didn't seem to care.
Ohh, a server! Yeah, online spaces can be.. a cesspit. I am sorry you had to suffer through that.
A stupid question perhaps but what are your IRL surroundings like? Any places where like minded people might hang out?
>>40395057
You mean insomnia, right? Oh that's tricky, and definitely something we lack resources for. What is your daily schedule like, and what is the cause of your sleep struggles? For some exercise can work wonders because it builds physical exhaustion, messes with brain chemistry naturally and calms your nervous system.
>>40399681
What are your circumstances like, Anon?
>>40399687
>>40404481
Hm, do you feel it is a matter of being isolated from other people like you, or perhaps do you feel too alien?

bwomp

>>40408478
>Would the government then just shrug and pretend you don't exist?
Most likely it would. The laws feel specially constructed to avoid giving me in particular any benefits. It can't be helped.
>it is less human nature and more the quality of a given community that is the issue there.
Unfortunately my experience is too consistent to believe that.
>Any places where like minded people might hang out?
There isn't anywhere I can go that I haven't tried. Plus I'm almost certain I lost the place I was talking about completely now. One of many events in my past that will never cease to hurt.

>>40408470
>Take your time, Anon. It is alright! We're here for you whenever
Thanks, things have been crazy lately.

>>40383575 (OP)
having trouble getting motivated and feeling like putting effort in is even worth it anymore. im 23 (on hrt for years atp) and if i put in a like year or two of work i feel like i could be pretty close to my potential, but i have severe life ends at 25 brainworms and im honestly just anxious that ive pretty much missed out on any opportunity at experiencing early 20s stuff.
like it feels like the only trans women over 28 who get real action are tops with good jobs in big cities. i want to be wanted and to have those experiences of still being young but it feels like i missed it in both my teens and now my twenties and idk what to do.

>>40409517
>SpongeBob sound effect

Early trans bullshit is getting to me, mostly just i cant force things to go faster and the whole "34ish weeks in training" is grating even if i know the timeloss is fairly meaningless because i need to just let hrt work.
Just lots of regret about not being more sorted generally than i am.
>>40408151
>Also.. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow
Gl! I am shamelessly avoiding that personally.
>take a few sessions before you really see results
Yea, i mean I've had some darker hairs come out now but lots of annoying blonde hairs that will probs require electrolysis.
>There is a whole thing about sub space and all that
Yea, one of those things where I'm not happy enough with myself to engage with it irl (like I've had the chance but ye), I've hypnotised myself before a few times. Mostly just because emotional repression issues I have to force my body to express feelings otherwise it gets trapped in my head.
Idk, made me think of relationships but I'm too much of an earltran nightmare (deleted all my dating apps btw) and people seem incapable of understanding me mostly as is even ignoring that. It's very isolating to feel like no one can understand how your head works.
>>40411679
Yeah...same but feel further from my goal. Idk how to get over feeling like i lost 3 years of my life over lockdowns. Turning 24 has me messed up because I don't think i really had my early 20s at all.
I'm just hoping in a few years I'll be able to find someone similar who wants to do the things i/we never got to.

>>40412716
Its bc your brain is functionally intersex and will take a few years on hrt to sort that out
I dont mean to sound like im talking down to you but please try to keep that in mind and know this is all temporary and as long as you keep up with it and understand youre transitioning your mind too youll come out the other side feeling much more authentic and hopefully more like yourself

>>40412716
>>Also.. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow
>Gl! I am shamelessly avoiding that personally.
Why so? That's like one of the few doctors i don't avoid, since i wouldn't have to take off the shirt or anything. Getting surgery and teeth alignment soon.

>>40413014
nta btw

Knee pains back eugh i should go to a physio. I'm very tired and I'm only 2/5 days on shift, i feel like I could sleep forever. No matter what I need to find a new job, I can't keep this up anymore.
>>40412797
>your brain is functionally intersex
Probably a good way do describe it. My brain still flips about a lot
>>40413014
Idk, I guess just being busy and i dont want to lie on a table and let someone poke at me. It's gonna bite me in the ass probably but I just can't deal with being analysed.

bump

>>40373925
>Was your psych the one that mostly prescribes meds, I remember you wanting to look for a therapist independently of that but I forgot what came of it.
Yeah that's the one. I actually felt like she put in more of an effort lately, so I decided against looking for another shrink.
>It must be hard, feeling like you never truly connect with people
I dunno... I mean I get lonely sometimes but being around other people has never really changed that much.
>the fact that nobody around them had experiences in any way like their own
That's probably true-ish for me too, I dunno. With all the mental health stuff and the hospital stays and all that. It's certainly not something the average normie can relate to.
>a youtube channel of someone specializing in attachment related things (https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1 discussed above)
Thanks for the link, might check that out later...
>a pleasant thing to share the things we know, isn't it?
I guess... I think I once was in a situation that catered to that well, but then it fell apart...
>I do remember as much, started from a discussion about motivation and rekindling love for doing things.
Yeah, I remember... My perspective on that has changed to some degree. I think my primary motivation for learning things & doing things was, until recently, a desire for prestige. I'm vain like that. But the older I'm getting, the more I realize that prestige doesn't mean squat. It doesn't lead to a better life. It actually makes it very easy for people to manipulate you. So I'm in an odd place right now. It does feel good not to be ridden by that stupid demon, but now I have to set a new course. Sitting in my room playing vidya (which I never really did before) and ignoring everything has been fun for the past few months, but I'm going to have to stop at some point. It's time to pick myself up by my bootstraps. But I need a goal first. Like, an abstract goal. Figuring that out will just take a little more time,

Hate that feeling when I want to get revenge on someone but then I realize that I am a nobody and have no power to hurt them.

>>40415604
Actually, there is one thing I could try. But it would involve being social, and I don't know if I can do that.

Okay, I'll actually post again tomorrow, In dead tired tonight.

bump

>>40415928
rest well anone <3

>>40408478
>circumstances like, Anon?
Repetitive routine, I allow myself ni free time just from sleep to work to some free style structureless doomscrolling to bed
My transition is an utter failure, I have utterly pathologized my executive dysfunction on that part. I’m let down by everyone and everyone is annoying or I am annoying to them
I feel inhuman numb like I haven’t lived a single day in my life. Dunno why I’m typing this. Shit will keep repeating
I’m stuck. And I feel like I can’t promise myself that this will change. I can’t do it.

>>40407924
>Could you expand upon this? I understand self isolation is a common impulse in dire situations but.. it doesn't help. But I understand you tried and it felt like it didn't work out at all, so I wanna learn more.
I think w/e is wrong with me drives people away. Boring not just too nice or just not quite alive in that sense if being present with people. Online, irl, it doesn’t matter, people eventually choose to spend their time without me. Makes the couple who pretend to try even more suspicious desu. But I entertain them sometimes only to get knocked down again when they inevitably lose interest

goodnight bump

Hi /sig/, Panty here! In June, a purse I bought last year broke. One of the hooks that the handle connected to came loose. Today I took it to a shop that repairs bags and shoes. They said they could fix my purse for about ten dollars.

So this is me encouraging you to fix the things you already own when you can. Look for repair businesses in your area. It’s less wasteful than buying a replacement, and can be cheaper.

Im just tired.

im sorry. im so sorry.

how do you start girlmoding? like finding clothes and makeup and hairstyle and stuff? i've like kind of accepted that no matter what theres going to be an awkward period where i have to sink or swim but i just dont know where to start. ive been on hrt a too many years already and i dont want the boymoder worms to consume me completely.

>>40420764
best thing to do is go into a cheaper store like an outlet (Ross is a favorite of mine near me) that has things for under $25
go once or twice a week for a few months and assemble maybe ten outfits worth of things (like ten tops, ten bottoms, etc)
get a few pairs of shoes, some accessories
acquire a few things at a time, trying to match and coordinate between multiple pieces. like, try to find a pair of shoes that could go with three different tops depending on your bottoms, and so on
make decisions based on:
1) body type, choose at least one of three, butt, waist, boobs, to draw attention to with each outfit
2) comfort; I eliminate 95% of clothes I touch before I even think about color because texture is wrong. focus on feeling comfy and then looking beautiful in them is easier
3) message. is your clothing appropriate for your age? overall "sensible?" who are you trying to emulate with your clothes?
I would just go into the nearest modest budget clothes store this week and give yourself a budget of $60 or whatever for a complete outfit: shoes, top, bottom, and and accessory. And just try a bunch of shit on

I have returned.

>>40417264
Thank you, anon :3

I can't wait for an affordable and hackable humanoid robot. I'm going to have it bludgeon me to death with a baseball bat

>>40422389
Wouldn't you rather have a person do that for you? There are plenty of people willing to hit you because you're into it.

>>40422500
I would prefer my ultimate demise to be impersonal

I have been doing intermittent fasting (7:17) + daily exercise for a little less than two months now and I have lost exactly /no/ weight whatsoever. Not even a hundred grams. Nothing. Last time I measured, I hadn't lost any body fat either. I am just doomed to be fat

>>40415604
>tfw you realise the only things you can do about injustice would put you in prison

>>40422699
IMF is just a tool to make maintaining a deficit easier, if you aren't in a deficit it kinda won't matter.
T.keep cheating on my diet.

>>4042381
>>40422699
>Imf
IF* Can my brain please stop making typos.
Anyway yeah you can also brute force with exercise. 1-2hours medium intensity cardio will make you drop weight

>>40423835
nta, but my brain has started making these weird typos where the typo is like a random letter or mess instead of something physically close on the board.. not sure if that's something to do with hormones

>>40423943
It's weird yea.
When I was on Spiro I never had brainfog which gets reported sometimes but cypro seems to do it to me (or I'm blaming Cypro anyway). It's like my brain just shorts and fires the wrong neurons, luckily i can normally trace where they misfired.
But then I'm also running on limited sleep and 12 hour shifts so there's a lot it could be.
I don't think it's estrogen related anyway it seems to normally be associated with blockers

Fuck it I'm gonna actually reply to people.
>>40422389
Asimov cucks seething over robosuicidechads.
But nah if we're doing convincing humanoid robots I'd hold out in the hopes of full body transfers (put me in a mecha please - weird obession reticking in my brain but god damn it I'm a robotocist I worked for it)
>>40420764
Like in public or private? I have experience in priv not public. Makeup is trial, error and muscle memory, there are lots of tutorials though so find one and just mess around. Do it pre shower so you're just washing it off if you mess up anyway. Don't get discouraged by it looking messy at first, it's inevitable and anyone learning makeup has gone through it (cis included).
Clothes is sort of a money thing of being able to buy stuff to see what you like but also just being aware of your age and dressing your age. I tend to mostly just buy the womens version of stuff I bought as a guy (i don't buy mens clothes anymore I'm basically just buying androgynous womens clothing and using what I have).
Also buy basic stuff, jeans etc
>>40415604
Personally i found it easier to just forget the people who hurt me exist. Mind you most of them ended up in prison or otherwise wasting their lives so not anything I could do to them.
Doing harm doesnt take power imo anyway, it just takes a lack of care for consequences and the right tools, not something worth spending mental effort on.

Bump

Bmp2

sleepy as hell.. updates tomrrow.

>>40427752
Rest

I feel bad bumping so much, but like I dont want it to die while I'm asleep.

>>40429439
you're adding years to my life span with this. I spent the past few hours napping, and I could do so without worry thanks to people like you.

I might die
I feel so connected to that feeling
I wonder what will happen
This is attention whoring
This is mental illness this is true this is just hypocrisy I stop now either way
I’m sorry for shouting the thread again you people are too nice :)

>>40429551
I crave death, too, anon. The feeling the freedom from all this is just out of reach and if I were less cowardly I'd never have to fight all these pointless battles ever again...

>>40429624
I’m sorry
You deserve better

>>40429689
I know. So do you. Whether or not you leave the pain behind I hope it hurts less for you

Are we finally free when the thought of death gives us hope?

>>40427752
all good

>>40429934
Imo you get true freedom when you are apathetic to it. Neither seeking or desperately avoiding.
I was once, got over my fear of heights because of it. Not so much now which is sometimes annoying because fear is rarely a useful feeling.

>>40429551
>>40429624
>>40429934
Friendly reminder that your body is your inalienable property and you're free to do with it whatever the hell you want, as long as you're not infringing on other people's property. Additionally, I'd like to remind you that any state prohibition on buying a shotgun is unjust infringement on your freedom and can – and should! – thus be ignored.

>>40407924
I like this teeth pic, thank

>>40383789
this pic made me horny for a bit. not the time for it though, i've got a life to start

how do I get over this intense and crushing fear that I have of getting laser or buying makeup or clothes or doing anything remotely feminine that would suggest that I'm a tranny to someone? I care too much about what other people think and it is hurting me but I'm so fucking afraid of doing anything to help myself

used to post here often in 2023 and 2024 and one of the difficulties I was facing aside from getting kicked out, suicidal ideation etc was that I was close to getting kicked out of uni if I failed another class, I was on academic probation.

I passed my last class! I got a 78, so not quite first class honours, but for an honours level class on European philosophy (Husserl is a dense mf whom I kinda adore now), and completing it in 3 days, I can't complain. I can graduate mid year but I'll defer til end of year so that I can get my name/ID changed (expensive process) and have that on my degree.

I have more failed classes than I'd like, but for the classes I actually got grades for I have a 2nd class honours div a average, so will try to pursue academia just a little further I think.

I remember when I started the degree, I was alone supporting my brother financially and was my sister's carer, especially when she was on meth. I haven't seen them in 2 years now, my life is very different now. it's been a massive struggle restarting from scratch, and I recently had a 2 week crash out from the immense trauma of it all, it sucks, it's been unfair and difficult more so than most of my peers, and I've been robbed of so many good years of my life. that loss and sacrifice is hard to reconcile. but I'm doing better now. all that work I put is paying off, I have new friends, I have wild hookups, started a new job, actually been able to start a small surgery savings fund.
the trauma and pain will never go away. what happened to me was immensely fucked up, but I have joys now too. and it makes all the difference.

Bump

pg8

Bmp

bump

What is it with people becoming software "engys" only to run away 2 years later to become farmers or something. It happened to me, but I still don't really know why

I don't really have a reason to keep living.

>>40438910
To Spite destiny

>>40438910
Guess i'm superstitious about possible "bad karma" if i kms, or just fell for religous psyop. So i'm left with riding out this hell in hope of bettering the "payment" once i'm finished.

Napped longer than expected but the night is young and it's the weekend!
So I will catch up tonight and tomorrow.
>>40399923
I'm glad to hear by the way, Anon! How are things? Never hesitate to ask questions, share milestones, setbacks, anything really. We're here to listen!
>>40404618
Sounds like things are rough right now. Of course, the move is risky, but I think it is normal for you to need time to settle.
>Thank you for all the hard work, Siganon.
>Sorry for cussing like a moody teenager.
Hey anon, there is no shame in calling a spade a spade. If a situation is trash then it is valid to call it that, you are having a rough time and whatever unconditional support I can meter out. You're not asking for much, and things are tough. Tell me about the car license thing, is there something that causes it to stall?
>Next week I'll attend some training for warehouse work, well outside my main field
Also curious about how this will develop!
>>40406262
What a mess, what's your current situation like? I feel we talked before.

>>40410321
>The laws feel specially constructed to avoid giving me in particular any benefits.
I mean you don't need me to tell you that's alarming, but Christ. Yours is one of those cases where we are basically talking about the core issue being an urgent need to escape a shitty environment with limited resources at your disposal.
>Unfortunately my experience is too consistent to believe that.
I fully understand, it is one of those things that must be experienced to be believed. It genuinely sucks.
>There isn't anywhere I can go that I haven't tried.
>Plus I'm almost certain I lost the place I was talking about completely now.
Let's broaden the scope a little. What's your letter, by the way? Are there any lgbt orgs in your country you might be able to contact? There are also some slightly more sensitive questions I may need to ask to not waste your time. I would fully understand if you are not comfortable sharing specifics about your circumstances here (like what kind of disability you have and what general part of the world you are from), in which case I would have to be more generic. You are in a really, really tough situation, and you clearly want to get out of it. I know there is not ultra much I can do on my own but encourage and suggest.. but I hope feeling heard and engaged with at the very least helps a tiny bit.
>>40410999
I look forward to hearing about it but your rest comes first!
>>40412716
In spite of how grating and exhausting things are, I want to tell you you are fighting the rep demons admirably.
>Gl! I am shamelessly avoiding that personally.
Make one asap if you can help it. Got cavities, two small ones. Gonna be taken care of soon but I am honestly shocked the problem is not much, much worse.
>not happy enough with myself to engage with it irl
Babytrans issues, I absolutely get it. Well, as well as I can without experiencing it myself. I hope if nothing else you feel understood in this little space we share.

>>40411679
>i have severe life ends at 25 brainworms
As a 33 year old I will gladly help pull those.
>and im honestly just anxious that ive pretty much missed out on any opportunity
I think I generally understand where you are coming from. But.. the thing is, that even if it feels like everyone in their 30s is settled down, I look at myself and know that my career won't settle down for another 2-4 years. I still live like a student, that is what life in academia is just like. It sucks. But.. I still make friends in my 30s. I developed wonderful, deep relationships in the past few years. Your efforts will matter. The only difficult thing is finding people, but that is true at most ages, and there we can cook up something actionable for you.
>>40413080
>No matter what I need to find a new job, I can't keep this up anymore.
I mean aren't you basically working on that as we speak with the navy thing? Is it unpaid?
>It's gonna bite me in the ass probably but I just can't deal with being analysed.
To chime in there but.. I understand the inhibition. I really do. And the only thing I can offer is that we strike the deal I mentioned earlier. I have a doc's appointment I need to take care of and am not super comf with as well. We could make each other commit.
>>40415630
>>40415604
Would you be alright expanding upon that?
>>40417584
>I allow myself ni free time
What is your inner reasoning for it?
>executive dysfunction
Hm, do you suffer from adhd or something? Or what do you mean?
>My transition is an utter failure
you mean hrt has not done much, or something else?
>I’m let down by everyone and everyone is annoying or I am annoying to them
I infer there is nobody you are emotionally close enough to to let your guard down?
>Dunno why I’m typing this.
I am glad you do. I really am. You want help, and I think that is a very sensible thing to look for in your situation. Can you try to put the aspects of your life that are stuck into more concrete terms?

>>40414587
>I actually felt like she put in more of an effort lately
That is good to hear, though my inner cynic would suggest that it doesn't hurt to keep an eye out for a second opinion.. as a supplement if you will.
>That's probably true-ish for me too, I dunno. With all the mental health stuff and the hospital stays and all that. It's certainly not something the average normie can relate to.
Do you feel more at home here, for example? I made many friends for life on this site, though never through things like friengen and the like.
>Thanks for the link, might check that out later...
I look forward to hearing your take on it.
>I guess... I think I once was in a situation that catered to that well
>but then it fell apart...
wanna tell me what happened?
>I think my primary motivation for learning things & doing things was, until recently, a desire for prestige.
Oh I see, that is incredibly helpful to know. I can imagine that it feels hollow.. what is the respect of people that don't even know you worth, right?
>now I have to set a new course.
>But I need a goal first. Like, an abstract goal.
Yeah, basically a point on the horizon. If that is too daunting sometimes you can also first ask: what kind of steps are enjoyable to take for you? As in, since working towards a goal will always be the bulk of the time spent engaging with it, might as well select goals that come naturally to you in some sense. Of course I am just rambling at this point saying obvious things but sometimes it helps me think hearing things I already know from others.
>>40420018
>>40420037
What's up you two?
>>40419383
Glad they got it all fixed up, panty!
>>40422389
Why do you crave it?

>>40417600
I think this might need a more thorough examination of the mechanics of what is happening. Think of it as us trying to debug your vibes if you will. A great deal about human connection boils down to fostering and expressing mutual appreciation. Try to walk me through how a friendship of yours evolves usually. The usual patters from getting introduced to how you depart. If there is a general pattern, a change in people's behavior over time, that would be good to know.
>>40422699
In that case I would, at least for now, try a different approach. Try CICO with a 500kcal deficit (TDEE calculators are in the resources, if you are MtF treat yourself as F if you are on hormones). If, after two weeks, you don't see at least a loss of 500g, then you should go to the doctor and have your thyroid checked. It is a common enough issue that I tell everyone to.
>>40429551
>>40429701
>>40429689
How are you today, Anons? Remember.. you are always, always welcome to speak up here. I am so glad that you are comfortable speaking up about your pain like this. It is wonderful you can see you aren't alone here.

>>40434280
Miu miu, welcome back. I am elated to hear things developed so favorably!
You have been through so much, I remember us talking for ages about it, and you have been struggling so admirably. You conquered an all around shitty situation, and I wanna thank you for having come for a visit! You have a lot to be proud of, and I am happy you share your successes with us. Gosh, philosophy.. I wish I had more time sometimes. As you can see I am still kicking myself, greasing the wheels of this wonderful general. Things are alright for me too, an era is hopefully soon coming to an end.
>>40433860
I'm glad you do. I think it is valuable advice.
>>40433895
And I wish you nothing but the best in your pursuits! I'm rooting for you, Anon.
>>40433928
You are deathly afraid of what people think of you.. hm. You aren't out to anyone, right? Peers would make your life a LOT easier since with a peer group that is supportive you have someone you can connect with and whose opinions you can put above that of imaginary people. Of course that does not resolve your need for external validation which needs squashing, but that is a function of your lack of self esteem. An easy initial fix might be online purchases of girl clothes. Do you already have your HRT sorted out?
>>40424452
I like to playfully bully people that keysmash by referring to it as "bottom text". I guess you just added "cypro typos" (maybe cypros for short) to my thesaurus.

Seems I caught up. Welp, time to rest.
>>40437997
Complete shot in the dark but has there been a lot of overtime, needless stress and corporate red tape in your past job? Cause, from what I have seen and heard, a lot of programming jobs are just predatory as hell.
>>40438910
Is it okay to prod you about your circumstances?
>>40429934
What kind of freedom do you truly crave? Why?

bump

>>40441088
>Peers would make your life a LOT easier
I really, really wish I knew other trans people but I live in a red state which makes all of the aforementioned problems 100x worse in addition to having very few trans people around. Even still i'll see trans women at uni or some other place and I can only feel jealous of them, it hurts a lot and makes me scared to ever approach anyone. I might try frengen but I hear people get ghosted a lot
>An easy initial fix might be online purchases of girl clothes
I want to. I have a few coats and things but no real sense of fashion outside of men's clothing. Someone told me to make a pinterest so I could find stuff that looks good but I think if I tried to dress like picrel or anything I like I would only look honnish. I need to experiment but it takes time
>Do you already have your HRT sorted out?
I've been on HRT for about 2 years, I did everything completely online, I ordered estrogen through a homebrewer and injection supplies so I wouldn't have to go through the humiliation ritual of getting it legitimately lol

>>40433928
1. Laser people don't care, you're paying $1000 for a few hours of work
2. Makeup people don't care, the clerk that helps you match a colour probably gets a commission
3. Start with stuff that's deniable when folded over, jeans and shirts and stuff, use the men's changing thing because it shouldn't matter and nobody will know the difference. When you pass and have some clothes, nobody will look at you twice because they aren't paid enough

>>40433928
Buy stuff online.
Laser make up a story, for me I just tell them i dont want to worry about shaving in basic training. Whether they believe that or not I don't know but it's plausible deniability you can also just blame shaving cuts.
Makeup if in person say it's for your sister/gf/whoever, they don't know if you really have a sister etc so any judgement is *bleh*
>>40440624
>you are fighting the rep demons admirably.
Thank you, I've had some somewhat productive progress with that anyway because the military may not be quite as harsh on tranners as i thought (too much to rehash here but eligibility is less of an issue than i thought)
>>40440745
>aren't you basically working on that as we speak
Yeah but basically because of the specialist nature of my role my training start date won't be for ~5+ months. Which is good and bad, gives me time to do some stuff i wanted sorting but didn't have the time to.
I'll see about popping into the dentists tomorrow or day after and see if I'm still on their list...
Holefully am I have no clue what to do otherwise. Eugh.
Once I'm in the military should take care of that choice anyway.
>>40443186
>I ordered estrogen through a homebrewer and injection supplies so I wouldn't have to go through the humiliation ritual of getting it legitimately lol
Lord i can relate, fuck trying to explain myself to someone running off an agp understanding of dysphoria

I hate the government so much it's unreal

>>40352226
I wouldnt be going back there if I didnt get something out of it. That something isnt to torment you... in fact, I've made a point specifically not to bother you. I loce the source material and cant read or talk about it much anywhere else because the official Disc is kinda booty.
Yah I come off as an attention whore, but thats moreso a "doesnt know how to shut up thing".
Feels kinda weird to find ya talking up our interactions like im ceaselessly bullying you when the worst im guilty of is ghosting you at a critical moment, but sure - I gave you a pass to believe Im every bit the monster you thought.
Oh right, I didnt show my friend that apology. If you recall, part of my crash was that I hadn't read any of your messages for weeks and then blocked you. I was never aware there was an attempt to apologize.
That doesnt exonerate me - still hella toxic behavior on my part to ghost at a critical moment, so, yaknow... sorry, for what it's worth.
Wish we could just coexist in our shared space without saying a word to one another. But I suppose that's too much to ask, so yea, Im back in the gen for now because honestly yearnposting and talking about mental health is the only thing keeping me from suck starting my service weapon rn. Woop. Its a survival thing for me at this point.
>>40440624
Hi! Im the person this anon is talking about! I was actually kinda disappointed to see them disappear from the space I like to hang around when I showed back up cuz they're a spectacular writer and probably the best contributor to our mutual interest. Lo and behold, here they are in /sig/.
I'll try to stick around an answer any questions. This is a neutral space where I dont have friends or supporters to jump down their throat. My anxiety doesnt fly off the handle nearly as hard in public settings so maybe this will work? I dunno.

>>40444105
Ah, FWIW, I think I've mentioned it before, there's a non-zero chance I snack on the business end of my weapon by Nov 28. So, yaknow, if ya cross yet fingers and pray really really hard, you can have the gen aaall to yourself.
Not a threat or attempted manip, just being real. No amount of "power of friendship" can undo everything I've worked for over the past 13 years going down the drain and me facing down a life of hopeless loneliness as a middle aged single tranny mom with severe PTSD/CPTSD that turns her into a neurotic spaz. The very real steel barrel looking like a much better shit sandwich.
Not yer fault, dont blame yerself or anything I dunno, real life just sucks and the light at the end of my tunnel is just an ogre fucking around with a laser pointer. Go figure!

>>40444175
Triple post cuz im dumb
How do I know youre who I think you are? You have a very distinct writing style and the problems you have, timing, and the things you like to focus on stand out hard.
I had a weird crush on you for a long time (maybe still do, dunno, why else would I still feel compelled to bug you?) so I payed a ridiculous amount of attention to the way you write. ><

good grief I am tired

bump
i feel so unlikeable and unwantable, in real life and online lmfao
i dont know how to change myself at all either besides just making myself not talk for long periods of time, which usually only lead to me dumping a ton a shit on to one person in one convo lmfao
i thought/ still think transitioning and girlmoding may help in real life, but I still just know I act like a hyper annoying unfunny self centered pretentious troon bitch around everyone and i don't know how to change besides taking the whole bottle of my ssri medications with a glass of wine

>>40434280
dang I remember you posting here last year, a few exchanges or whatever. awesome that you managed to get out of the hole, it's no small feat considering all the hardships you've had to overcome

>>40437997
in many companies you do a lot less of the fun stuff, and as a generally spergy loser tismo outcast group, you get taken advantage of by the corps a whole ton
many people get browbeaten to tolerate it, as they have tolerated abuse in their childhood, but some get sufficiently sick of it and seek a more humane existence

Bump

>>40440305
>Sounds like things are rough right now. Of course, the move is risky, but I think it is normal for you to need time to settle
I really don't want this to be a waste of time and resources. I dont wanna be a waste of space.

>Hey anon, there is no shame in calling a spade a spade. If a situation is trash then it is valid to call it that, you are having a rough time and whatever unconditional support I can meter out. You're not asking for much, and things are tough
Thank you, validation is always a little bit of a relief.

>Tell me about the car license thing, is there something that causes it to stall?
I just can't seem to pass the tests, my brain just doesn't want to work.

>Also curious about how this will develop!
I have a full week of training for work development this week, gonna have to catch up on sleep as much as I can.
Will explain more as I catch some time.

Thank you for your time and interest, I really appreciate it.

>>40440624
>I look forward to hearing about it but your rest comes first!
Thanks, I'll be getting some more rest soon, but I'll be sure to break down what comes next as soon as I am able to.

Gosh bless to Siganon and all other Anons for all the effort.

This place is always a nice respite from a very turbulent world.

>>40444423
The social limbo will persist until you start showing a genuine interest in other people instead of merely perceiving them as but a means of fulfilling your need for attention and validation

im going to start doing workouts or intensive exercise daily again

>>40446091
Not who you replied to but I want you to know I screenshotted your post and I’m going to make an effort to follow that advice in the future. Wise words.

Any advice on glasses frames?

pg8

Hey Sig, back again, hope everyone is doing well.

Went to my husband's family re-union yesterday it was... not entirely unpleasant. Mostly it was just boring, and got to meet some relatives of his I hadn't seen before, all of whom gave my husband shit for "not introducing me properly" and "not inviting them to the wedding" (Our wedding literally had the bare minimum of people thanks to budgeting and time constraints.) The most unpleasant part was the ride back, since our car's ac barely works if the outside temp is above 85, and we were driving through areas with an average of 90, but we made it back home alright.

Managed to do some laundry and clean the bathroom, going to try and finish the laundry pile and then tackle the kitchen, but it being so hot out makes me want to be lazy.

As for a mental health update, I'm fairly certain my depression is back. Its not at the terrible stage yet, and I'm like 80 percent certain its just caused by my cat's passing away, and the only way to get over it is with time. I feel a bit odd because most of my coping skills and rules I establish when i'm this upset are apparently ocd stuff, so I don't know if i should follow them to help with my depression or try to get new skills to help with my ocd.

>>40441095
>What kind of freedom do you truly crave? Why?
Probably from past and future. And the needs of this body. Just had to visit family because of parent's birthday, and there were a bunch of people there i really had no desire to see, one of which also keeps showing pretty blatant disrespect. It's pretty fucked up. When one of my relatives dies i'm less upset about the death than having to go to one of those social gatherings where i'm expected to perform some god-knows-what-i-have-zero-idea-about role, i'm fucking tired. I have this empath trait too (some mild psychic thing or whatever) and shit just wears me down instantly. And i know i need to keep putting myself in all kinds of shitty situations for decades just to keep this damn body alive. Maybe i'll just stop eating at some point and die.

>>40441043
>my inner cynic would suggest that it doesn't hurt to keep an eye out for a second opinion
I probably should, however
>Do you feel more at home here, for example?
Idk about relate... It's just comforting to be an anon and know that I can close the page at any point. Also, I can be completely honest here.
>I made many friends for life on this site, though never through things like friengen and the like.
How? Whenever I connect with someone here organically, it always turns out that they're from Australia or something.
>wanna tell me what happened?
Nothing bad. I just quit that job and I'm glad that I did. It was a good job on paper, but I would've been unhappy there (it's complicated)
>that is incredibly helpful to know. I can imagine that it feels hollow..
I mean, maybe I should've worded that differently... I should've said that I wanted to make some meaningful contribution to... uhh, something? Yeah, that makes it sound better, I think? Lol. I just wanted to be knowledgeable about /something/, but I ended up a third-rate software shitter with no real education. And I'm approaching 30 now... it's time to focus on something more realistic.
>what kind of steps are enjoyable to take for you?
I think something involving researching and reading stuff and writing stuff would've probably been perfect. But honestly, I am done trying to find a career. And that's fine. I have made my peace with the fact that I am just kind of a failure, career-wise. There's other things in life.
>Of course I am just rambling at this point saying obvious things
Not at all, that's good advice...

I'm sorry anon... I feel like you're trying to help and I am just bitching and moaning. I force myself to keep up my habits, but I think in my heart of hearts I just want to rot and complain and feel bad for myself.

>>40383575 (OP)
It doesn't matter what I do. I will never be good enough to get a trans gf.

>>40440624
>What's your letter, by the way?
T
>Are there any lgbt orgs in your country you might be able to contact?
I could easily contact them, but they wouldn't care about me. I know better than to try, since I'm legally perfectly healthy and fine.
>but I hope feeling heard and engaged with at the very least helps a tiny bit.
Not really, but it's a bit delusional to expect more.

i need to stop boymoding...

>>40444105
1. You have a private discord where you talk with your private friends about anything YOU want.
2. You have made your hatred of me beyond clear to the point where seeing you makes me cry. your friends refused to talk to me whatsoever if I didn't grovel before you and beg the privilege of kissing your feet. They didn't care that your hatred was out of my control.
3. You could've answered me before, but you chose to wait just to torment me. If you can't shut up, curious you COULD shut up then, isn't it? Just like republicans, with you, the cruelty is the point.
4. Your cruelty is entirely by choice. Every single time I tried to reach out to you and be kind, you rejected me. Every time I tried to get along, you ignored me. I don't understand it as anything but malice. As far as I'm concerned this is more bullying. I've done nothing wrong and you still chose to hurt me. My psychologist calls you an abuser btw.
5. "Oops sorry lol" doesn't cut it. You punch me in the face and laugh out an "apology" as you leave me bleeding all alone, and expect anything but hate? That doesn't come close to torturing me for a year so you and your friends can feel superior. But of course nobody will take the side of the autistic freak, they're rather I kill myself than you.

>>40449537
I tried to avoid the topic because I didnt want to drag more off-topic drama into an already rocky thread. That wasnt the time of place to be answering interpersonal drama questions.
Im not acting like my apology rectifies things, not even close. Nor do I expect you to ever, EVER forgive me. My decision was not an actual of intentional cruelty, but one of self preservation. I could mentally take walking on eggshells around you all the time - every little word dissected until it looked like some flayed facsimile that didnt even remotely resemble the intent. You practically demanded constant apologies and concessions just for me to have a chance to try to talk, and made it clear that the only way you'd give me credence were if our positions were reversed. I felt like I was being gaslit nonstop into feeling like a worse person than I am.

Why does me ignoring or blocking you wound you so severely? Even before this last incident, I put you on filter and didnt say a word to you for months before you melted down. Is it really that bad for us to acknowledge that our presence and dynamic is toxic and just coexist silently? Why cant we just enjoy our mutual interest separately without having to constantly turn shit into a character drama?
I mean, hell, this last time you took your trip off (bypassing the filter you knew I probably put back up) just to signal how bad me just talking about the topic without interacting with you made you feel and that you were leaving. Instead of just quietly leaving, you made an attempt to stab at me using my love for that gen and worries that it will collapse if the community shrinks much more as a weapon. And Im the abuser here? All ive fuckin wanted, this whole fuckin time, is for everyone to get along without arguing about stupid shit. Thats fuckin it, yaknow?

Gosh, please, someone else, tell me if im being the prick here. Thats my stream of consciousness up there.

Been awake 21 hours im so eepy
>>40443806
Yeah... I have a complex relationship with authority here (UK) but honestly I just wish they'd stop talking about trans stuff entirely. Even when feigning progress they didn't really provide help.
>>40444423
Being likeable is kind of a game of just doing stuff. Having interests and expressing them.
Transitioning will (or I'm assuming) bring you more engagement with people similar to you.
For me ofc my whole thing irl is basically the military, but also just being a fairly competent professional means people like me (? I guess, at least in work but they don't know I'm trans).
If it's trauma dumping you basically just have to exercise self control, in my experience most of us tranners have some kind (multiple frequently) of out there trauma that normies can't handle.
Whether you're actually being self centered or not I can't say, but generally even my slightly autistic style of relating (ie: where i yap about my related experience) doesn't routinely drive people off.
>>40449412
I don't think it takes much to find someone, obvs I'm the wrong person to talk abt this but just being a stable adult is enough for many. Idk, I'm too insecure / anxious avoidant to do relationships atm.
>>40449537
I have like no stake in all this so can't take sides or whatever (like idk which gen this is from) but honestly I dont see you getting any catharsis from engaging still. Sometimes you won't get along with people, sometimes they'll hurt you or you'll feel hurt anyway but you gain nothing by holding out for reconciliation. I mean christ of all ive been through exactly one person (who wasn't even a perpetrator of anything against me) has apologised for what I went through and it was over half a decade post event.

Also sorry to both of you if this is like a wishy washy response. Because I have more thoughts but they're not productive and I don't think I understand your situation well enough to add something useful beyond that

>>40450848
Why you been awake so long?

Just curious

PS- Magnesium Citrate & Benadryl for good sleep. Not safe for daily use

>>40450848
Hey, thanks for the input, Navy. People here are kinda looking in from the outside on an exceptionally messy situation. v_v'

I need to get a job in cyber security or something soon.

Holy shit I think I have a job interview next week.

>>40449811
I just want somewhere I can be free of you since you hate me so much and seem set on making your friends hate me too
Well, aside from lying about your identity to get me to talk to you? Aside from your response to an earnest attempt at getting along to be ignoring me for weeks when you were pretending not to hate me? Aside from lying about what I said in your post to get sympathy and turn the ONE PLACE I was hoping for a little compassion against me? The fact you HAD to join the server for this general. I left somewhere I cared about to be away from you. Why can't you respect that? Why can't you treat me 0.0001% as well as you treat literally everyone else in the universe?

>>40450848
I hate bullies, I hate liars, and I hate cowards. This monster is all 3.

>>40453468
Huuuuu... every single time. From our very first interaction. Every single time, youve treated me like a fuckin monster. And then wondered aloud why Im so fuckin jumpy about you.
"Oh hey, this person that I actively attacked at every turn, who I lied about to people in public spaces, who I spat on that hand of any time she tried to interact with me, isnt 100% sympathetic to my cause"
This right here is why I walk away every time. In private and in public. I don't know why the fuck you came into a gen I had been hanging in for months and then immediately decided I was a problem. I dont know why you decided to melt down at me when I filtered you. I don't know why lied and told DrinksAnon I thought she was disgusting. I don't get any of it. And the fuckiest part is that its all on record in the archives. Its not like any of this shit cant be proved.

Ive gotten the feeling from the very beginning that you think Im someone Im not. That's the only thing I can come up to justify why you came into that space and was immediately unrepentently hostile towards me.

IDK WTF I expected. Every time I even try to engage, this is what it comes to. And every time you drop the victim card and act why I walk away? Well here it is in full fucking view. I tried. Again. At least this time I didnt waste fucking days of my life in DMs practically self flaggelating to try to get you to stop exploding at me every 10 minutes.

Geez. Fuck. Fuck this. Fucking... Uuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh

For the fucking record, I didn't even know you were on the /sig/ server. I reckoned with your nonstop wingeing about how toxic and awful Discord servers are, you wouldn't even exist on one you didn't make yourself. But ofc Im some kind of evil mastermind and hunted you down to torment you.

Fucking
Im gonna go... simmer
Fuck
FUCK

>>40454173
And no, none of this response is mature. Im so over all this and done. Guh.

Can you two lovebirds take it somewhere else? Or maybe just kill yourselves? Wonderful, thank you.

>>40450992
Mild revenge insomnia mostly, but I work 12-hour shifts, so I'd been up since 4:30 am. Can't put anymore shit in my system desu, already on like 2 cans of monster a day to stay awake.
>>40453142
W
>>40453468
There's no reason for you not to be treated with compassion here, at least from me.
On a personal level, there is little someone could have done or been accused of that would stop me feeling empathy.
>>40434280
Congrats Miu, I can't remember what the thread was like back in 2023, but I'm guessing we probably ran into each other back then (feels weird that I first posted here nearly 2 years ago now).

Day 33 of HRT and day 5 of Gabepentin. Basically given up on the idea of not becoming someone I hate. Basically transitioning and exercising to keep myself from hanging myself with my belt.

Chaser free tranny server for mtfs looking for a “safe space”
https://discord.gg/VUMWV9bZGY

>>40446840
You shouldn't (screenshot it that is) as it was mayhaps a tad mean spirited, though the message still holds true
For social interaction it's important to keep in mind there's always another person at the end, and anything you would expect of them to do for you (be that listening to you yapping, asking about your day, hobbies, interests etc.) one should do in kind, even proactively
>>40455525
>Basically given up on the idea of not becoming someone I hate
Why is that?

>>40454281
Yea there won't be anymore from me, I kinda had to get it off my chest.
"Hey kill yourself?" seems kinda off color for a self improvement thread tho. Someone might just take your advice. ;[

>>40455910
Never have the body I want (my shoulders ensure that will never happen) and will always have to work.

Today I got help putting up a piece of furniture on the wall (a long cupboard). The heat last night made sleeping near impossible so I had some energy drinks to get myself through the day. I havent really had energy drinks before, but my digestion has been struggling with tea lately and I cant drink coffee anymore, so I figured maybe this would be an alright alternative.
But…
I might have overdone it. I’m feeling pretty anxious right now and I cant really tell whether it’s the caffeine or the stress of having family over. Maybe it’s both. My head wont stop worrying that the cupboard is going to fall off the wall. It’s big and heavy and I guess the thought of having to clean it all up and how the crash would make noise bothering my neighbours is… I mean I know it’s probably because I’m worried about life, in general, and this is a nice tangible physical object for my fear to direct itself towards instead but. Man.
The thought of something going wrong again is enough to make me want to cry.
I guess it’s because it’s a small victory that took a disproportionate amount of effort to achieve. But when you’re not really used to victories lasting winning gets kind of scary.

I’d better see if I can calm myself down now.
Take care /sig/

>>40456402
You can get work done on your shoulders btw.
Like it's a bit out there surgery-wise but it can and has been done. It's something I might weigh up in the future depending on how my transition progresses.
>>40456558
>But when you’re not really used to victories lasting winning gets kind of scary.
Yeah. It should ease with time. I'm uh dealing with similar currently. Sort of waiting for the hammer to drop is not a great feel. Keep safe though.

>>40456987
Only 2 inches at most. I would need way more than that removed to get anywhere near a woman would be. Plus, that's kind of like getting your ribs removed. Extreme.

>>40456255
On the internet, it's better to state such things with a certain emphasis.

>>40457365
Yea
Well
Im pretty actively suicidal
Fortunately, maybe, I'm also defiant as fuck
So maybe it helps
I dunno
Sorry for the problems. Im gonna bounce now. Peace.

pg8

>>40457068
I mean it is extreme, but it's doable. Like 2 inches is still better than nothing.
For me (like rib removal) it's something where I worry about the possible practical implications of it, though, which is why I'm not that fussed. I'd have to be extremely dysphoric over it to make that choice.
I'm just mentally in the position where I will put myself through anything to look how I want and not feel dysphoric though.

I cried for ~45 minutes today. It was the first time I cried in like seven years. I have a reason; but regardless of that, I feel so much lighter.

goodnight

>>40460405
nighty night, see you later

Therapy just isnt going to work like I thought and I probably lost my only friend and just dont feel like life is just too hard and I hate it and I feel that it's probably time.

bump

>>40455136
>W
:3

>>40441057
>Try to walk me through how a friendship of yours evolves usually.
I usually start talking to people, I spend a lot of effort on them, I create these scenarios of connection like spending actual time doing stuff together, I do a bit if people pleasing yes, talk and talk, and then some months of this, I try to balance life around and start expecting some attention , only for the other person to not give a fuvk despite my previous efforts. Exceptions exist. If I keep hunting down the person they might still throw me a bone. People will remember things sometimes when it’s convenient to them or if they need something from me.
Maybe this is the nature of online friendships but…idk…I thought I got close.

I wonder if therapy would even be able to help me at this point.

>>40460803
I'd say if someone actually changes their life and thinking for the better, losing old friends comes as part of it, and is also good for you.

bump

bump

>>40463270
what makes you say that?

bump

Let's get it fucking over with. I don't have it in me to catch up today but I can at least catch up with Sun and part of Mon. I am furious and I don't think I have ever seen a shittier mail service than in this godforsaken neighborhood.

>>40443186
That really is a rough set of circumstances. Do you feel unsafe girlmoding?
>Even still i'll see trans women at uni or some other place and I can only feel jealous of them
Let me try make a case for the radical approach. You must have a reason not to approach the girls you see at uni. I would like to hear your inner reasoning for it. Also try to express what it is you are jealous of?
>I want to.
>I need to experiment but it takes time
Very good, though I think the feeling honnish part is not necessarily something you should pay super much heed to. After all, you need to get used to girlmoding first, before anything feels anything but awkward.
>so I wouldn't have to go through the humiliation ritual of getting it legitimately lol
I get it, in most countries it seems to be an exhausting process at the best of times, an an outright hostile one otherwise.
>>40443745
>my training start date won't be for ~5+ months.
Ohh now I get it, thanks for clarifying.
>I'll see about popping into the dentists tomorrow or day after and see if I'm still on their list...
Keep me posted. What about the knee thing? I will take care of the cancer screening soon too. I have a second dentist appointment and some other things I am scheduling right now but I will try look up who to call for an appointment by Friday at least.
>>40444423
>>40446840
The way I would typically phrase it is that a great deal about making friends is the expression of mutual interest and fostering a mode of communication where both feel appreciated. Being vocal about what aspects of a conversation you enjoy, encouraging one another to speak up, expressing enjoyment of another's company and so on. It's a mixture of transactional and cooperative.

>>40447283
I'm not super well versed but the round frame looks good on her.
>>40449003
Lovely to see you, welcome home! Glad it went okay.
>I'm like 80 percent certain its just caused by my cat's passing away
Grief is a difficult thing.. there is no timer you can set where it just expires. It's just a cycle of letting go in small ways, right?
>I feel a bit odd because most of my coping skills and rules I establish when i'm this upset are apparently ocd stuff
I am not super well versed in ocd but I would love to hear about your coping mechanisms!
>>40449343
Maintaining a meat casket it always a chore on some fundamental level thanks to entropy fuckery. It sucks in many similar ways as all maintenance does. Sorry to hear you had to deal with bothersome family, which in itself is a form of maintenance in its own right, the social kind. In all of these acts of mopping up and plugging up whatever leak has sprung this week it is easy to forget the utility of the things we are maintaining. What kinds of things do you enjoy that your body enables you to?
>>40449375
This ended up being a two parter no matter how I sliced it so..
>It's just comforting to be an anon and know that I can close the page at any point.
Less pressure, I get it. Yet, in the little ways I have come to know you, you are nonetheless welcome and appreciated with. So in spite of being an anon you are still welcomed in ways unique to you. And yes, your sincerity is integral to all this, which is what this place is great at fostering.
>it always turns out that they're from Australia or something.
Oh I have the same issue. I do have made friends in the same or neighboring countries too. And while I do miss the physical closeness, I am at the point in my life where even the people I studied with are a 2+ hour trip away from wherever I wind up living. But it doesn't mean you can't open up to them emotionally, right? And, with planning, even meet!
(1/2)

>>40449375
(2/2)
>but I would've been unhappy there (it's complicated)
oh, fair! But.. did you lose contact to the people working there entirely?
>I just wanted to be knowledgeable about /something/
very researcher brained! And even your ideal career would be R&D from what you said. But yes, there is no need to force yourself to seek self actualization as your *job*.
>I feel like you're trying to help and I am just bitching and moaning.
You are sincerely and openly expressing how you feel and expose your inner workings to us, which is important for us to tailor advice that is not only useful, but meaningful to you.
>I force myself to keep up my habits, but I think in my heart of hearts
>I just want to rot and complain and feel bad for myself.
Anon.. that is what makes you so fundamentally, self evidently human. You don't want to struggle. It is difficult. Some part of you just wants to lie down and have the forest floor claim you. That these things are sometimes tiring and that you struggle.. that is normal. Which is why I have this "people need people" state of mind to begin with, you know? The fact that you try and find something to work with here, with me (well, all of /sig/) is already a good thing. Not a "bare minimum". An active bit of effort you put in, something admirable. Something not everyone in your shoes would have the energy to do. And we try and grow something from that seedling. We're all alive for the first time though, Anon. And you deserve compassion just as much as those you would be compassionate to.
You are trying, and your struggles, irrespective of how fruitful they seem right now, inspire others to do the same. And I appreciate that both as a contribution to this thread as well as a thing you do for yourself as the person behind the screen.

If you feel too negative, too one sided, try to go into yourself and share things in life you are grateful for. Those "other things in life".. name them!

As a remark: Psyche-chan and Anon, I have read along but not yet had the presence of mind to comment. Forgive me if I will postpone unscrambling my mind for that to tomorrow or so. One more post after this and I need a break for today to not go insane.
>>40453142
All the best for that, Anon!
>>40453062
Mind expanding upon it? Where are you at in your career path right now, studying?
>>40449412
In what ways do you feel inadequate, and what led you to those conclusions?
>>40455525
It is rough, and something a lot of tranners on 4chan struggle with from what I can tell. This feeling of never being able to pass to the extent or explicit way they would want. Of course, it is worth noting that a lot of them find ways to make do in spite of that as they girlmode. Finding people that appreciate them as they are and such. It doesn't make the self image issues go away, although a good environment can sometimes reshape how we think about our looks. To a shocking extend even. The unhealthy version of that is how girls often "catch BDD" if you know what I mean. But the converse can be achieved too. Either way, I am rooting for you, Anon.
>>40456558
Oh yes energy drinks can be quite the anxiety fuel. Sorry your head went into gyroscope mode, so to say. I'd love to give you a hug.
>But when you’re not really used to victories lasting winning gets kind of scary.
I think I get being something that nothing can take away from. We all need small victories that nothing and nobody can take away from us. For me it is sometimes things like catching up with the thread, or buying myself something nice. The thread may archive and the thing may break but I nonetheless did it, and focusing on the achievement of having gotten there is what helps me cope.

>>40459161
>I cried for ~45 minutes today. It was the first time I cried in like seven years. I have a reason; but regardless of that, I feel so much lighter.
I am glad you got that much needed catharsis. It's so, so important to have that pressure valve. How are you today?
>>40460803
Tell me about your friend, your struggles, how therapy is going. We're here to listen. Things often are hard, but you don't have to figure it out all on your own.
>>40463235
>I usually start talking to people, I spend a lot of effort on them
very good
>pending actual time doing stuff together
perfect
>some months of this
important: do you feel the extent to which you spend time with people exhausting? Like, it will always take some effort to make room for people in your schedule, but do you feel your efforts sustainable or do you risk burning out?
>only for the other person to not give a fuvk despite my previous efforts.
In other words one of the core issues is that you invest a lot in advance and then find your efforts not reciprocated?
>Exceptions exist.
How do those go, or do they also just fizzle out but differently so?
>If I keep hunting down the person they might still throw me a bone.
Difficult. Okay so there are different things to this: are we talking about you always being the one to initiate conversation, or outright drive it? Do people you engage with rarely share things on their own if prompted? One big issue is when people basically never really expand upon anything. You know, like: "what are your thoughts about.." and all you get is basically a one sentence response.

>>40467562
>What kinds of things do you enjoy that your body enables you to?
I'm not sure i've enjoyed much anything, for the past few years at least. Not much utility i can come up with, except for some type of giant shit test by God (or whatever term you prefer).

bumo

Is there a way to speedrun having a better life?

>>40471389
win the lottery

>>40472239
Ah
Right

Only a little bit more than a week til I'm a whole year sh free... I'm honestly shocked I made it this long this year has honestly been brutal and has had probably some of worst moments in the past couple of years but I feel like maybe there's still a future for me I'm not really sure or not but I guess I'll either reach it or die trying.
Still feel a complete disconnect from most people in my life and usually struggle with feeling like I don't deserve love but I know that's mostly just my mental illness lying to me even if it still feels painful alot of the time.
Going to clean out my depression room finally after letting it get really bad honestly, hopefully I manage to get it done sooner but who knows, I'll probably check in again either when I finish cleaning or when I reach my sh free anniversary whichever happens first.
Anyways stupid question but anyone got an idea of a small gift or something I could get myself to celebrate making it a year when I do? It feels kinda silly but I feel like I want it to be something someone here thinks of because I've really valued the support I've received here and I want it to kind of serve as a memento of that.
Anyways hope you all are also doing well and if not that things will get better eventually

>>40471389
buy my mixtape

I infact have to get after it for a few days so I'll be absent from the thread. No time to make full replies atm
>>40471389
Yeah it just requires a lot of luck and a shitload of effort.
If you don't luck out in money/physicality/etc kinda difficult and it also depends where you're at.
Stuff like doing an hour in the gym, having a job etc is easy stuff to start with but forming actual social connections is a bit harder.

AAAA

>>40474928
mood

bump
another shitty day in my stupid faggot life

bump

???HOW THE HECK DO I REMAIN CONSISTENTLY PRODUCTIVE???
I keep taking breaks and drifting off onto other stuff because I get the feeling that "it's not yet the right time to work" or something like that. It's insane, today for instance I did barely anything worthwhile. This really gotta stop somehow. Currently I'm on the mercy of my brain and whether it decides to obssess on the right stuff or slop.

Ah fuck I need some rest today. Thank you everyone for your patience.
Here's some stuff i typed up earlier but I know I am missing some posts. Again.. thank you for bearing with me.
>>40475326
The context was me panic bumping the thread from p10 after leaving work by the way, kek
>>40472471
I would like to say how goddamn proud I am of you, Anon. Not only for your approaching anniversary, but also your outlook and the effort you put in. As for cleaning, I personally do at most a square meter at a time which I can knock out in like half an hour. Well. Sometimes I just keep going "while I am already at it" but I find my divide and conquer approach very sanity preserving.
>Anyways stupid question but anyone got an idea of a small gift or something I could get myself to celebrate making it a year when I do?
A plushie comes to mind, because it is something that radiates comfort. I really love plushies though so I might be biased. If you want something you can wear on your person you could make a bracelet?
>>40471389
Hm, maybe a roundabout way to answer but I would like to know why you ask, is there a sense of urgency?
>>40468706
The circumstances you are in might have sapped your ability to enjoy things, which is reversible but it would help to know what you used to enjoy in the past. Does something come to mind?
>>40478261
If you are neurotypical then S.M.A.R.T. criteria as described and linked in the resource paste can help, in that case the trick is (in short) you make your work loads bite sized and tie what you want to do to fixed time slots which are non negotiable once set. That takes the mental load off it. We as people love to postpone and lie to ourselves. I do all the time. So I gotta force myself away from "I should do X first" by committing a time slot to a thing and sticking to an "everything else can wait" mindset. If undiagnosed ADHD is a possibility, check some of the channels we link for that and see if you vibe with the advice from there.

bump, I'll reply again when I can

>>40478765
sucks that Skullsgirls is die

How do you figure out what you want in life when you know things like being a multi-billionaire, being beautiful, never having to work and being smart are not available to you?

>>40482274
You set more achievable versions of those exact goals.

>>40478765
>it would help to know what you used to enjoy in the past. Does something come to mind?
Probably something unproductive like videogames. Or some type of art/music, which also feels like a chore since you need to practice a shit ton of hours to be good, and i get bored right away because of adhd. Going to do a bike licence next month just for the lulz. I thought i should write something, but i don't have many ideas or motivation. Everything is a chore.

>>40483182
So lame ones. I really am that doomed then. I guess back to doing nothing then.

>I have another abscess
god
FUCKING
dammit
That's the third one in a year. Maybe I should just start ignoring them and only go to the ER when I have a fever. The surgery under local anesthesia is painful as fuck, like, I shortly passed out from the pain the first time, and getting general anesthesia for this chickenshit stuff just feels so... pathetic. Oh well... I asked for an appointment with my GP for now, maybe he can tell me what to do from now on.

I deadass have Crohn's Disease or smth

>>40383575 (OP)
i don't usually post here, but i wanted to share that i'm officially a hundred pounds down from the start of hrt (18 months ago)
weight loss during transition is definitely doable

>>40485325
Suit yourself.

>>40486534
you still look like emily
How much do you weigh fatty?

>>40486688
250 lbs

>>40486534
what a meat golem, stop posting until you look like a human being, people starving in gaza and this fat piece of shit can't stop stuffing her face

>>40486688
>>40486709
Y'all aren't very nice...

>>40486931
it's self improvement you need to be bullied.

>>40486688
Trust me anons, this shit isn't motivating most people.
Also,
>>40486709
>stop posting until you look like a human being
We are not going to discourage people from discussing progress here. I will not repeat myself.
>>40486970
Any more of this crap and the next improvement to your posts better be a 10 finger amputation. Are we clear?
>>40486534
Welcome, Anon. Well done! I assume you are doing CICO? If so, be mindful that as you approach normal weight you might stall. In that case, one thing that helped me is to include a weekly 0 deficit day.

>>40486970
What a deeply sad and misguided comment...

>>40486970
I believed this for 15 years and it only made me miserable

I admit my mood may be a little.. compromised. I was a bit harsh there.
>>40485325
>>40482274
None of these things are meaningful ends of themselves, are they? They are means to an end. Money is useless unless spent or put to use, for example. What things do you enjoy/value?
>>40485980
The one thing I consistently hear about Crohn's is that people fail to fucking diagnose it. Hell it has meme status on dumblr. It must be so infuriating. But do treat yourself to general anesthesia if you can do so. There is nothing pathetic about not wanting to suffer.
>>40483825
>I get bored right away because of adhd.
Honestly adding exercise seems like a good idea. I get that art can be frustrating especially if it is hard to "stay on track" there. But think of it this way: even for NTs progress in art beyond a purely mechanical/craftsmanship level is.. basically impossible to meanungfully measure or define mile stones for. That makes it fundamentally frustrating. One productive form of engagement I have found for it is to do it for the moment to moment problem solving of it all. That is, to take painting as an example, finding enjoyment in experimenting with brush strokes, colors, perspectives, textures and so on. My creative outlet is, for better or worse, mostly cooking. Some writing perhaps. So my main focus lies in the "I made this" angle of it all. As for productivity; One important thing is to acknowledge that we are not productive if we aren't rested and calm. Feeling angry, miserable or tired makes us unproductive as fuck. I should know, I feel 2/3 quite often recently thanks to issues outside of my control. If I didn't practice a lot of self soothing I'd hop into a wood chipper. Another thing that helps me is talking to people. And focusing on things I have control over, like supporting you peeps in what little ways I can.
>>40482113
Is it finally Ultrakill™? Like, I know it has been rough since they allegedly ousted one of the main creators of it or something?

>>40487244
>I admit my mood may be a little.. compromised. I was a bit harsh there.
why anon?

>>40487244
>one thing I consistently hear about Crohn's is that people fail to fucking diagnose it. Hell it has meme status on dumblr. It must be so infuriating.
I could fucking puke, I'm generally not opposed to having things in my butt but colonoscopies are just not my kink.
>do treat yourself to general anesthesia if you can
Oh, I will 100%. I had the last surgery like that too. Maybe I'm just a pussy but I just can't

I'm going to the ER tomorrow... Let's hope that they'll operate right away and that I'll be back home on Saturday. blegh

Alright, time to go through the thread with a clearer head and mop up the posts I missed. I hope I am catching everything this time around and will finally get to the longer debate that transpired last weekend.
>>40446034
I'm grateful for the words of encouragement. This week was rough. I'll be on vacation the next one and I could not need it more urgently if I tried.
>>40445883
Hope you don't mind me pinging you, it just wouldn't sit right with me not to respond. Take all the time you need, no pressure. As you know I will even go through archived posts if you crossref a post, so there is 0 urgency.
>>40449471
Heya Anon, I hope you get to read this in spite of my tardy response.
>>40449471
>I could easily contact them, but they wouldn't care about me.
has that been your past experience with orgs like it or what experience shaped that conclusion?
>I know better than to try, since I'm legally perfectly healthy and fine.
I hate to pry but could you give me a rough idea what your ailment is in particular? I feel like I need a rough idea to help, but I get that you may be reluctant to share on a public site.
>>40446107
I'm wishing you all, all, ALL the best on that front, Anon! I'd love to hear about your regimen, progress, motivation, anything you feel like sharing.

>>40487351
I forgot the image that is supposed to describe my current mood in a both sincere and self-deprecating manner

>>40487371
>This week was rough. I'll be on vacation the next one and I could not need it more urgently if I tried.
You sometimes say things like this but I rarely see you posting about what is happening to you, why not let us sig you for a little bit? Tell me what happened fren

>>40486688
>>40486709
i thought a looked pretty good for once but evidently no matter how much weight i loose i'll still be a fat freak
whatever. i give up

>>40487464
>fat
>making it worse
starve yourself instead, its what i started doing, after a few days it really dosent hurt anymore

>>40487476
i'm already starving myself
CICO really hasn't worked for me. every time i eat i end up gaining weight. the only consistent weight loss method ive found has been fasting for three to four days each week.
but i miss the taste of burgers so much

>>40487503
>i miss the taste of burgers so much

>>40486970
You're conflating not hugboxing and just being a bit of a dick.
100lbs down is a solid effort, anyone who's done that doesn't need you to motivate them imo.
>>40487213
This.
>>40487464
I've been scoffing like chocolate and shit cause I've been having my brain fried all day, might have been aight tho anyway. Confronting the body sucks though, just annoying that it's unwilling to conform.

>>40487371
gosh I linked the same post twice. Really am tired, huh?
>>40487351
Yeah I'm sorry to hear you gotta go through this, and that pic is certainly a mood.
>I'm generally not opposed to having things in my butt but colonoscopies are just not my kink.
pffft, oh shinjinon now that's a facet of you I rarely get to see! That got me to snicker at least. Hope the rest of your day will pan out pleasantly at least.
>>40449519
And you struggle to, right? Share your inhibitions, I don't know if I can give you something actionable but it's worth a shot.
>>40487345
>>40487407
It's sweet of you two to care.
Many little things, really. I have had a lot of stress in the past few months with a death, some drama, work related issues.. the past few weeks I spent basically one and a half days working from home to not receive a fucking parcel, only for it to arrive in my absence and get stolen.. But that's honestly just the straw that broke the camel's back. I am more or less sunsetting my academic career this year, applying for one more perm position before I radically pivot and try other things, which would mean I would move back to my country of origin and see what I'll do. But that is future siganon's problem, and I try not to borrow grief from the future. The only thing I can say with certainty is that a lot of my problems are tied to my unstable circumstances as a postdoc and that era will be over in maybe a year and change, maybe a few months. But it is almost over. I also need a vacation, and fortunately tomorrow is my last day at work before I have it. Running on fumes.
As for the reaction I mentioned.. I am just protective of people here, generally, and want people to feel encouraged to work on themselves.

>>40487476
Starving is an unsustainable approach that does more harm than good.
>>40487464
German spotted. Hey Anon, lass dich nicht unterkriegen von albernen Blechbläsern auf dieser Seite.
You have made good progress it seems. I would much rather help you keep going.
>>40487503
>fasting for three to four days each week.
This is very interesting, Remember what I said about having single day 0 deficit days? It might help you there. Also, have you been overweight for a long time? Ever had your thyroid checked?

I recently lost all that really mattered to me, lucky I can just revert back to alcoholism.

>>40487595
>pffft, oh shinjinon now that's a facet of you I rarely get to see!
Heh, I guess medical stuff does usually mean shinji in this thread... Nah, his medical problems are much worse than mine afaik, sadly... I am Tim, IDK if you remember...
>Hope the rest of your day will pan out pleasantly at least.
Thanks. It will be a shitty night and a shitty day tomorrow, but it's nothing serious, thankfully.

Hey there, that guy a while ago? you know the one, that was one of mine I just want to say a little something. C lives

>>40456987
>>40467734
Thanks for the kind replies siganon and navy. I read them yesterday but Ive been too out of it too write.
>Sort of waiting for the hammer to drop is not a great feel.
Yeah, it’s kind of intense and all consuming at times. Everything feels like it’s short circuiting, and even if you know that’s what’s going on that alone isn’t necessarily enough to stop it from happening. But I guess it’s better than staying unaware… Please stay safe too, Navy. Hope it’s manageable for you and that whatever effect the hormones may have will settle at a comfortable level soon.

>>40487638
i first hit 300 lbs when i was 15 years old. im the lightest ive been in a decade currently. i'm not sure if i have a thyroid condition, but i figured my endos would check for that.
currently my diet consists of OMAD high protein, low carb and then fasting. i take vitamins when fasting as well. i haven't tried balancing a 0 deficit day, but i stopped counting calories. i never lost any weight when i was eating 1600 calories a day, and i still felt hungrier than i do now.

>>40487351
>>40487595
>>40487676
Kek, well, fwiw I can’t say I was all that into colonoscopies beyond the first few inches either. it did, however, treat me to a pamphlet telling me in as clinical a language as possible how many fingers thick the camera would be equal to in my butt.
Gastroscopies are way more sensual, just saying.
>surgery
shit, good luck Timanon. Fingers crossed, hope it all goes smoothly

>>40487960
Thanks shinji... It'll literally take ten minutes, I'm sure it'll be fine. Just a lil nervous...

>>40444105
>>40449537
(and more links but the spam filters prevent me..)
Alright, I am now giving things a thorough read.
It's clear the two of you are fundamentally incompatible. From what I gather the /sig/ server is involved too. I must say, from an outsider's pov, it is impossible for me to meaningfully assess the situation, but it is clear you two are better off apart. I usually don't get too involved on the server side but there is no harm in tugging my sleeve over there. This is meant for both of you.
>>40445796
Thank you for your patience with me, bunon.. Been in maintenance mode the past few days, finally catching up with the thread proper.
>I really don't want this to be a waste of time and resources.
>I dont wanna be a waste of space.
I don't think you are either, but I would miss the point focusing on that. It still needs saying because learning to categorically reject such notions is self preservation.
>I just can't seem to pass the tests, my brain just doesn't want to work.
Well, that sounds like you have been burning the candle from both ends trying to achieve independence as quickly as possible.. Are you perhaps about to burn out? If so, taking a week off will allow you to reach your goals quicker than crashing and burning.
>gonna have to catch up on sleep as much as I can.
>Will explain more as I catch some time.
Good idea.
>Thank you for your time and interest, I really appreciate it.
And I appreciate you, rest assured.
>>40487674
Anon, please hit the breaks and let us talk about this first. What is it you lost, what other circumstances make up your life? Have we had the pleasure before?
>>40487676
Oh Tim, it's a pleasure. I do remember! Been a bit.. you are the bright mind that I had some pleasant conversations about intellectual pursuits with, I believe you felt unmotivated and understimulated lacking people to talk to. We had an ongoing conversation across multiple threads. Is that right? How did you feel about it overall?

>>40488105
Hey, I get that. Even if it’s a short procedure and you’ve tried it before it’s always a bit… Yeah.
You have my sympathy. I’m glad it wont be long

I think i finally caught up for real. I think I will take a break the rest of the day.
>>40487699
Still alive.. good are they okay? It was the goodbyes post right?
>>40487742
I'm just happy to see you around, shinji. Take all the time you need.
>>40487744
>i'm not sure if i have a thyroid condition, but i figured my endos would check for that.
You should urgently see a doc about it. This is highly unusual and while GPs can be be utter insentive cunts your Hausarzt (I assume I clocked you as German speaking correctly) or a capable nutritionist should take a serious look at it. The former might have some autistic expectations of things they want you to try first ("oh try dieting such and such way and document it and THEN I do what you asked me to, lol" type of behavior can happen afaik) but in general I would strongly recommend insisting.
I want you to know I am very proud of you for keeping your micros in check. I really am.
>>40487960
> I can’t say I was all that into colonoscopies beyond the first few inches either.
> beyond the first few inches either.
> the implication of that
that's it, both of you go on the "would" list.
That aside, do get plenty of rest alright?

>>40487244
I don't value or enjoy anything.

Managed to get some more laundry done, but i mostly spent this week playing video games and not really being productive, besides cleaning the bathroom.
My depression feels a little bit "lighter" but i do have to severely limit my access to twitter and other social medias rn, otherwise the algos feed me stuff that makes my brain boil.

>>40467562
>I would love to hear about your coping mechanisms!
Well for like, deaths and stuff, its basically to like, super clean the areas around me? With how hot it is i can only do it for a bit right now before i have to stop, and then i spend a bit berating myself for not being better.
I also mark down the death date of stuff and kind of more than a little bit obsess over the numbers?
For example, my dad died on the twentieth of a month, a few years go by, my grandma also dies on the twentieth of a month, 20's my unlucky number.
7 is a number that appears in my life ridiculously frequently, its not a good or bad number, it just is.
I don't like to do *anything* on the death anniversary of people or things. I try to basically treat it as a mourning day no matter how badly I want to do stuff, because otherwise its disrespectful and invites bad luck/karma. (friend said this was her big flag on me having ocd and was what made her realize my little "quirks" on a bunch of stuff and my number/letter/timing obsession aren't just quirks)
I tend to throw away things that the dead would like that they don't get to experience now. With my cat dying, I ended up throwing away a lot of human food she would beg for when she was around because it doesn't feel fair to eat it or have it in my apartment with her gone.
My other coping methods are a bit more healthy, like playing games and watching/read stuff, but there's also this kind of feeling i get randomly telling me i need to stop and mourn more otherwise I'm a bad person and that bad things will happen because of that, so sometimes I just bedrot because it feels better.

>>40488312
>I want you to know I am very proud of you for keeping your micros in check. I really am.
thank you. since you seem to know a lot, do you have any recommendations for supplements to take while fasting? currently i take basic water soluble vitamins, omega 3, and a bunch of stuff to prevent hair loss

Pg9

Bump

>>40492635
thanks, almost done with my work

>>40487244
>Honestly adding exercise seems like a good idea.
I did go to gym for like 5 years before, was still pretty unmotivated to do anything, and the gym itself became a chore i disliked. I might try creating some routine at home, but i'm kinda slow at this stuff, and just procastinate and end up wasting half my time looking at shit online and shitposting. I have a bunch of books as well that i know i should read, but i want to do nothing and disappear i guess.

Well, that's that. Had my surgery done under local anesthesia again, it wasn't nearly as bad as the first time.

>>40488127
>I do remember!
I'm glad.
>you are the bright mind that I had some pleasant conversations about intellectual pursuits with
I've once eaten a slice of pizza out of a trash can. I wasn't even sure how long it'd been in there, but it was free.
>believe you felt unmotivated and understimulated lacking people to talk to
I am just not good with people. There is something really off-putting and exhausting about me, but I can't quite pinpoint what it is.
>We had an ongoing conversation across multiple threads. Is that right?
Oh yes, that's right... I'll reply to your post later if that's ok, I am pretty tired.
>How did you feel about it overall?
wdym?

>>40488305
Thank u...
How's it going with you?

>>40494405
Congrats on the surgery, hope your recovery is smooth and comfortable.

>>40493687
Going to the gym 3 times a week, and then 2 to 3 days at home.

Makes it less daunting for at least.

>>40494732
Thanks anon!

Bump.
I am very very tired, made a silly mistake at work and broke one of our robots because of just fatigue. Trying to get speedrunning some transition stuff the next few months and got a lot going on otherwise.
>>40487742
Welp the hammer didnt drop on me yet. I suppose I get brief interludes of rest from it but yeah.
I've been too out of it for replies as well desu.
>>40467238
Still ruthlessly ignoring my knee. I can breathe a bit currently but I'm stuck with just trying to (as best as I can) fight dysphoria currently.
I did finally tell my parents exactly what I was doing in the military a week or so ago (idk if I mentioned) and they didn't idk kick me onto the street which makes me feel oddly more comfortable about needing to out myself at some point. Although they don't seem to grasp why I have trust issues.

Taking my leave, both from trip and anonposting. Thank you so much to the regulars here who talked with me through some very tough times. I hope everyone one of you find peace.

Okay, this is going to be a bunch of long posts, I apologize.

Really not doing well. I can't bring myself to do the things I need to to function. This is a recurring cycle, I'll have a couple of days of progress or weeks of progress, and then setbacks that last a week or a couple of days. When I crash I don't want to shower, I don't want to leave my room, I don't want to get what I need to done, I'm hedonistic. Don't know why, I feel some context for my situation is needed for all the other shit; hopefully nobody knows who I am.

I have ADHD and have also been diagnosed with a form of chronic depression. I primarily use the internet for escapism and information. I recently reduced the time I spend on video games drastically and successfully (this has worsened the internet escapism). I'm close to finishing school and I need a job otherwise I won't have health insurance anymore. I'm living in an environment that, while moderately supportive and stable is draining. I'm with my parents and they are getting older and they're just starting to care less. They've worked extremely hard to give me a good life, I think they deserve some credit and rest, so I want to do good for them. I try to help out when I can, but I'll admit, studying and trying to balance my own sanity while also helping them out is a bit difficult for me.

My parents aren't the most emotionally accommodating, so it's been difficult to always get the support I need along with proper conflict resolution and healthy compromise. One of my parents feels like I'm not helping them enough and to make matters worse, sometimes I outright forget to do stuff they tell me to. There's also a matter of conflicting personalities and their admittedly obstinate behavior which often lacks self-awareness and leads to a bit of controlling behavior and antagonism. Sometimes I feel like it's impossible to satisfy them. Not sure how much of this could be a "me-issue".

(1/4)

>>40498582
why?

>>40498783
The other parent is a bit more passive, they'll ask for help, but only occasionally. I usually find their requests to be a bit more reasonable and they're a lot more understanding with my work load. Traditionally our personalities mesh better too; this is why I actively offer them more help. Sometimes they've got a bad temper though, and it's really not fun to deal with them when they're frustrated.

My parents clash a lot over stupid stuff. Sometimes I try to be a mediator. I try to appeal to their empathy and make them understand that hurling insults is not going to accomplish anything. One parent is particularly bad at being tactful in these situations often will continue to escalate and bring up past offenses in a particularly venomous manner as ammunition, thus causing the other to fire back in a cycle that perpetuates. It's not like they hate each other's guts or have a shouting match all the time, but I've talked to both of them in private about this, and they just both seem to think that the other person is unreasonable.

There is a ton of stress over food, particularly because we all have very different palettes. The parent who made food for us whom I'd frequently help cook during the pandemic got very frustrated trying to satisfy everyone and understandably has outsourced meals to take-out or other solutions. This is kind of affecting me, because I can be picky and it's embarrassing to admit, but I have very limited cooking knowledge. I've never really been big about eating. Thus, I eat poorly or not at all.

There's a big energy expenditure for me just doing the basic activities for myself (laundry, shower, job search, school, etc.) and despite me wanting to make home cooked meals for myself and my family so we can eat better, I just don't feel like it's possible. I also am not responsible for the groceries, and often I'm asked on rather short notice what I want from the grocery store, so I have no idea what I want. This is my fault.

(2/4)

>>40498823
I spend too much time in the shower and getting myself ready for the day, although admittedly this has been getting somewhat better because I set an alarm for myself. I sleep like shit, my schedule is crazy, so some days I have little sleep and just don't want to do anything. I really just have zero motivation for exercise anymore, despite the fact that I was somewhat successful at keeping a good schedule for myself, i'm finding it hard to motivate myself to just do it.

Add on the semi-frequent and (frustrating for me because of my ADHD and of no fault of their own) habit of one of my parents at irregular intervals during the day giving me miscellaneous tasks. Usually it's interrupting me in the middle of me studying, trying to eat, trying to take care of myself better, etc. and then they admonish me when I forget. Sometimes they rip me away from what I'm doing and it distracts me and I get irked by it. This isn't malicious, and I don't know why, but when this particular parent asks, I lose the ability to emotionally regulate myself. I just don't feel like I have time for anything, despite sometimes having the time but not the motivation! I have to come up with better coping mechanisms, but I never have.

Sometimes eating itself has become an argument, where one parent pushes extremely hard for me to have food, when I just want to be left alone, find without suggestions from them, or just deal with them at all. This recently caused an argument and has just become extra motivation to get out of the house.

The other dimension to all this is the social frustration. Living at home is alright, but what makes it a little less tolerable is the fact that my hometown is boring, mostly full of older people or children, and I know nobody here aside from older family. My interests are not popular when compared to the average person I meet. Obviously not being interested in the same things is not a requirement.

(3/4)

>>40498853
But having similar interests helps me a lot. My hometown is also pretty conservative (luckily not my family) and I don't feel comfortable being out of the closet. So, I look to other cities which are kind of nearby for connections. A few years ago I was really socially inept, and I started to improve my skills after going to back to school. I realized that I'm pretty socially anxious and I've worked to combat it with some success. I have made friends and acquaintances, but the relationships usually don't get that close. The people I know in person are usually an hour or two drive away, so visiting them is not always the best solution; I also have issues gauging when to ask people to do things and when to let them ask me.

What I'm trying to get at is, I'm very isolated here, being emotionally drained, and I almost cannot see myself improving if I don't get out.

Of course, that would be nice if that was all, but I'm having other issues. Through all of this I have a person in my corner whom I care a lot about, my partner. We're long distance and have been together for about 2-3 years. I feel like I love him as a friend, not as a lover, and I've been trying to sort those feelings out for a while. I think this is because I have gotten close to breaking up with him once and he could tell where the conversation was going. It kind of broke my heart to hear him, because it almost sounded like I was the only things that kept him going. It's bad, but this was too much for me, and I just withdrew, telling myself it wasn't the right time.

I'm cowardly, I cannot set boundaries properly, and it is sometimes hard for me to let people down. I just feel like I have grown apart from him as a person as he grows closer and more attached to me. And the more attached he becomes, the more I know it will hurt.

(4/4)

>>40498582
Bweh. Fuckied my trip. Guess it dont matter at this point, but Im a fan of repudiation so I may as well correct it.
Gonna actually close thread out now that Ive at least fixed the thing that was gonna bug me. Sorry.
Not trying to seem like an attention whore doing this kind of post (I mean, I am), there *is* an actual purpose for me putting it out with purpose.
>>40498799
More reasons than I'm willing to talk about anymore. You may wrap it all up under "catastrophic collapse of hope and self worth" if you need a conclusive answer.

>>40499208
Finally had your narcissistic collapse, you schizo bitch? Couldn't stand someone who actually put their foot down and walked away? Couldn't handle being told your self centeredness was not welcome in a place meant for growth?
Good. I hope your collapse tears you apart. Fucking choke on your service weapon, Psycho-Sama. The world will be a better place.

>>40488425
Reducing the amount of time spent on twitter and other websites can seriously help prevent mood spikes and deepening depression, yeah. Kind of frightening how powerful it is.

>>40498259
glad it’s avoided you so far, Navy, even if it’s exhausting all the same. Hope you get some rest in too

>>40488312
Thank you. The same goes for you too if you need it, siganon. Major life changes can be major energy sinks, even if we have to try our best to keep going on.
>would list
Thinking back on how the gastroenterologist praised me while gargling on a camera I’m afraid you may have to get in line kek

>>40498582
Take care out there, Seraphanon, and thank you. It was nice meeting you while you were (here), but going back to the real world is almost always going to be the better option. Hope it treats you well and that you get to enjoy it :)

>>40494405
Welcome back from the hospital Timanon, and glad to hear it went better this time than last time.
Hope they’ll look further into it now, to be real, even if I know there’s a tendency to send people home and mark it as done. It really doesnt seem like the kind of thing that should be happening that often…
>How's it going with you?
Kind of weird to be honest.
Just passed 1 month of not pissing pink and coughing up slime (amongst other things) after taking more antibiotics than prescribed, but kind of just waiting for it to return, along with possibly waiting for some family members to die.
Freaked out for a bit over being able to walk and met like 60 new people while obsessively working out.
Slept for days from exhaustion.
Lost part of my vision again for a while.
Not really sure what I’m doing right now or how to live. everything feels kind of like a blur

Bump

Bump

weight gain. it's bad... wish me luck, I can pull this back

>>40499208
>catastrophic collapse of hope and self worth
wouldn't that be more of a reason to stay? Isolating yourself for sure is not going to make anything better

>>40502444
bump, I'm gonna make dinner soon

>>40503533
Looks like a bull flag to me.

Ouch... Friends, I am literally butthurt...
I will go back to the hospital later for some more kinky German sadomasochism, and hopefully that'll be it for the next four weeks.

>>40499784
>Hope they’ll look further into it now, to be real, even if I know there’s a tendency to send people home and mark it as done.
Oh, they already figured out what it is. I have another appointment today, and maybe another little surgery in 4 weeks. Our local hospital is quite good, thankfully.
>Just passed 1 month of not pissing pink and coughing up slime (amongst other things) after taking more antibiotics than prescribed
Glad to hear you're doing a little better. It's probably easy to assume that things will get worse again, but maybe they won't, ya know? Or maybe it is at least helpful to assume that they won't – at least for now.
>Freaked out for a bit over being able to walk and met like 60 new people while obsessively working out.
Dang, good to see you're not letting this get you down. I think you're doing really well! I don't think I've met 60 new people in my entire life outside of of work and school. Keep it up!

>>40498582
Okay Seraph, that's up to you. We're not a cult, you can leave at any time. See ya tomorrow!

>>40504939
Okay, checkup done. Turns out I got pretty lucky there, if things had gone just a little differently, I could've become incontinent for life (h-hot)

>>40504939
>>40505606
shamelessly tempting siganon (it's probably working)

>>40505932
I am not concerned with the pleasures of the flesh. Rise above, nonny.

we're so back : )

>>40507603
based, wagmi

pg8

gonna try catch up on sunday, will travel though.

goodnight bumo

>>40454173
So you're going to pretend I never tried to apologize but you ignored me? You're going to pretend there was ever a point when you didn't want me to stop existing?
You were hostile to me from the start. I still don't know what I did wrong if anything. When you paused your vitriol to try to make peace I was skeptical because I expected the worst. When you got bored and laughed it off like the joke you was and left, you proved my worst thinking right. You told me you hated me and went right to pretending nothing had happened.
Then you did the whole routine again. And then you changed your name repeatedly to get me to talk to you. I tried so hard to be understanding, but there was nothing to understand. You're just a bully and I was just an easy target. Your friend told me that you would never treat me with respect because I had nothing to offer but my friendship. That says more about you than it does about me.
Whenever you had a choice, you chose to hurt me. You admitted you'd never tolerate the treatment you expected me to put up with from you. My best efforts to get along were scorned repeatedly, and only at the end did I finally give up. After a year of constant bullying and exclusion, I can say with certainty that your actions make you a monster. My only regret is that some of your friends seemed nice, but since you spent a year teaching them to hate me and none of them objected I suppose they aren't so great after all.

>>40385651
I am a bit hesitant to post my physique because I catch flak, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that even just basic workouts at home with no weights will yield great results. But that advice depends on what ur goal is. You just want a toned whole body, or something where the upper body is toned but the lower body is a bit 'thicker'? That nuance matters

>>40511174
Take your shitty breakup drama back to Discord, goddamn. This is a place for positive growth not fucking taking your grievances out on each other

>>40504939
>Oh, they already figured out what it is.
Ah thank god for that, honestly. Even if it’s still a pain in the ass (ha). Do they know if there is anything medical they can do to help you or is it all just one big knife swinging surgery conga?
>maybe they won't, ya know? Or maybe it is at least helpful to assume that they won't – at least for now.
>good to see you're not letting this get you down
From what I’ve understood they sent me home with some of the bacteria remaining, so it’s probably a question of time before it flares up again. There seem to be some signs of it already.
Financially and physically I can’t keep doing what Im doing right now, and it does feed into some bad habits but… The noise of people and overexerting myself is better than the alternative and might give me something to look back on when I get too sick to do anything.
Still want to kill or hurt myself all the time, and still living like a dysfunctional mess but hey: those new people don’t need to know that.
>>40505606
Wauw! (no but on a serious note that would have been a scary outcome, sheesh…)

>>40511174
Honestly, this sounds like you need to get over this betrayal and move on. Just because you offer friendship and try to be nice to people, doesn't mean they have to reciprocate. I don't know who you are, or the particulars of the situation, but you should let go. If this person is so bad, then don't give them the time of day. You are not entitled to anyone liking you, no matter how much decorum you have in dealing with their perceived meanness. Inflaming anger will not make things better for you, or anyone else, just drag everyone including yourself down.

The urge to disappear and rep has returned.
Transition is probably going to cost me more than it already has and I dont want to deal with struggling with it. The constant mental effort is just eugh.