>>24713129
>>24713248
Nice progress anon. Just be mindful of the change from 1st to 3rd narrator in >>24713248
I only have one edit suggestion:
>Zeta. It’s a mobile asteroid fortress capable of enough monstrous firepower to rival that of a battleship armada.
Zeta. A mobile asteroid fortress. Capable of enough monstrous firepower to rival that of a battleship armada.
I think if laid this way, the description of Zeta may be more impactful: an entire asteroid turned into a massive weapon. But that's up to you, it's your authorial voice.

Looking foward to the new cover art, keep it up.