I wish I could kiss Thalia or just hold her. I fucked a skinny Indian girl 2 days ago, it wasn't very enjoyable but for an incel like me any sex would be. It felt good to fuck her but it wasn't really fulfilling. Not like a nice walk in the park with Thalia would be. Honestly I am so depressed at this point I don't think I could even enjoy it. I wish I could walk with her between the great cathedrals of Thraben. But I know all she would feel for me would be pity. She could never love me. I am so tired, and weak, and now unemployed. I am miserable and boring now. Thalia would want nothing to do with me. The best I could ever do is die for her. My nasal polyps I'm pretty sure I have from wagecucking are making it harder to breathe, and the panic of one tenth for the feeling of death is almost too much for me. Dying for Thalia would be horrible pain and fear. I wonder sometimes if the final moments of someone are frozen in time forever as consciousness has no way to comprehend its own cessation. So that if I died for Thalia I'd be frozen in impossible agony forever. I hate my life. I don't even play my Thalias commander deck anymore and no one even plays her in Death and Taxes which I can't even afford to build. I'm about to have more free time to play Magic than ever and I still don't do it. I play Magic casually with friends but I never play Thalia there because I'm scared they'll be able to tell.