>>41631568
When i was trying yo get on hrt the indian nurse who was gatekeeping my endo appointment from me told me shw understands being visibly trans because she is in an interacial relationship(in canada) and i think she resented me for not rlly saying anything like omg im sorry for your struggle because my mom had to go in and yell at her(i didnt ask her to she just got tired of me crying cuz i kept gwtting lied too that she made the appointment)

I think to heal my inner child i need to over indulge in my sub/dom relationship because it echoes the way my parents rsised me but this time its too be feminine instead of masculine and instead of the rewars being not getting beaten its orgasming. But my face is ugly. So i will probably just rope.

I'm apparently too broken to have any social contact, my entire transition is a failure, I will be homeless soon, no one cares or will miss me, most people want me dead anyway, I can't take all of this anymore. The last couple of weeks have been awful and the last couple of years were some of the worst years of my life. I really don't want to be alive anymore. I don't get why all of this had to happen to me, I don't get why no one ever cared about me, the only time I felt genuinely loved was when I had a cat.