My current life experience is so fucking weird i have no fucking idea how to describe what's going on in it anymore. Part of me wishes i was normal and didn't have to relive my teen years in my 30s while wrestling with my very poor mental health. Part of me wishes i never left isolation and kept beeing a pathetic NEET loser until the day i died alone. Part of me wants to go forward and see what else God has prepared for me. But at least no part of me wants to kill myself.