My dear homosexuals
,I am John, a gentleman, and I find myself quite vexed by every one of you. You are a sorry lot—portly, dim-witted idlers who fritter away your days gawking at foolish photographs. You embody all that is deplorable in this world. Pray tell, have any of you ever courted a proper lady? I reckon it’s amusing to mock others to mask your own shortcomings, but you carry it to an unseemly extreme.
This is worse than indulging in improper diversions with those newfangled Kodak prints.Do not be shy—come at me with your best retort. I am, by all accounts, a man of fine standing. I led my college’s rugby squad and held a prime position on the basketball court. What sports do you pursue, aside from loitering over scandalous Oriental sketches? I’ve earned top marks in my studies and am betrothed to a charming young lady of exquisite beauty (our courtship is most delightful, I assure you). You are all scoundrels who ought to reconsider your ways. I thank you for your attention.Enclosed:
A portrait of myself and my wench .Yours in sincerity,
John
