I'm supposed to be someone's son, someone's brother, someone's nephew, someone's uncle, someone's grandson. I'm should be a man because I was born with a penis and that's what I'm expected to be, but why do I reject that?

Why was my brain so desperate to start estrogen that I took a leap of faith and called a doctor? Why do I like what it's doing to me? Why am I actually enjoying myself while experimenting with clothes. While am I enjoying discovering my own femininity? Why do I want to actually live this way when so many hate us for it? Why can't I tell others that I want to live as a woman? Why do I feel like a bad person for wanting this life? Why can't I just repress it and be a man again? Why do I feel like shit when people I know call me a man? Why do I really really want to be seen as a woman?