Recommend going through a paid course just pirate it. It's worth the trouble of downloading if you are retarded like me. Honestly, I don't blame threads being filled with schizos/nodevs and people including myself constantly blogging. Gamedev really does take an insane mental toll on you and naturally makes you want to cry out for help, but nobody can really help you, since all the problems are within. No wonder you have the tortured artist stereotype and such a high rate of autismo within creators.
Anyway, I also highly recommend this guy's video. Really opened the rivers to internalization towards my multiple mental blocks and I hope it does you. It's long but highly worth it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0ec2-E5Xq8