Nem sei pq eu tô vivo

I've grown so self-loathing that I don't even care about my life anymore. I'm trying to start caring about life again. I'm asking for advice on how to start caring again, and if it's a good idea to reach out to those I've ghosted
>be me, 29 semiNEET
>work as a mindless wagie even though I have a bachelor's, still on job search
>alcoholic, pothead
>disrespected and ignored by family, friends, and coworkers
>quit going to the gym and have ignored my coaches for the past month
>gained about 40lbs since
>do nothing but doom scroll and binge on junk food on days off