I can't take it anymore. I've been having a slow motion psychotic mental breakdown for like a week straight now. I am actually losing my fucking mind and just barely and i do mean barely retaining even the ability to appear sane. If you saw the inside of my place you'd realize just how far gone my mental state is. My thoughts are too loud. I can't keep working this job anymore. I love my cat but everytime he meows I am filled with an indescribable dread and anguish. I need to get out of here. The pills aren't helping anymore

Gonna try forced sleep deprivation to try altering my personality. I've also been forcing myself to listen to very extreme musical genres, experimental stuff, war metal, that one album that used sounds from actual gore videos from the internet and integrated them into the songs, also watching lots of the most disturbing (legal) content. I even managed to purchase some meth from a random dude in the inner city which I will be utilizing.

Not sure why I'm doing this to myself other than boredom and curiosity. Ideally whatever I'm like at the end of this experiment will be entirely foreign even to myself.

Wish me luck anons.