>>42638420
Yeah I wasn't being very clear. Running into the character limit hurts lol. An independent PERSONALITY is possible, it's downright normal, it's a regular occurrence for most people to have conversations with autonomous imaginary agents - like when you go over an argument or rehearse the whole dialogue tree of a tough conversation you're about to have. Those entities representing your boss, parents, etc. act autonomously, exactly as a tulpa does, but you don't ever question that or remark at how incredible it is. It's just mundane, like most of tulpamancy is. If you're looking for fantastical blow-your-socks-off experiences, you're not going to find the value in simple and mundane ones.

But independence only extends as far as the branches, you know what I mean? The rhetorical question about trees and branches wasn't meant to suggest all independence is impossible, it's to illustrate how both can coexist at the same time. Separate on one level, same on a deeper level. You are both just little limbs on the larger 'trunk' of the mind.
One experiment you can run to understand this better is to take everything you think is unique about a tulpa and examine whether or not it applies to you, the host; and take everything unique about a host and see how it compares to what you think a tulpa is. The point being that, with the right understanding, it should look exactly equal, because tulpas and hosts are not fundamentally different, you're both identities that associate with the mind's capacity for self-reflection. If you aren't satisfied somehow, why? You and your tulpa are equally real - if the tulpa seems fake or like a puppet, you too are fake and puppetlike - you're both limbs being controlled by the mind, to its own beneficent ends. Anyways...

>I want her to be able to say no rather than me having ultimate power in our relationship
Tulpas can be very insistent and independent in their way. Their way is just something you have to see for yourself. This stuff has lots of nuances and the blunt assumptions we run with are never perfectly accurate even if you get lots of advice from the outside. From where you're standing, you should know that with time and practice, you will be able to dissociate with intentionality and she will be able to associate more strongly with intentionality, changing the relative power balance. But you've got to notice these things in yourself and see how they kick in automatically before you can tinker with them manually.

It's not you that has ultimate power, it's the mind - the same mind that is her. She can say no to you, absolutely - but it's the mind doing that, the mind choosing a course of action that is in its best interest. It's also the mind that fell in love, the mind that holds the quality of independence you are seeking in her, the mind that noticed a chemical reaction between two personalities within it every time they interact, and recently decided to experiment further with that joyful combination.