>>514664665
i would often write these rants as a form of venting during my borderline spirals. i would experience episodes known as "splitting" where it felt like something else was possessing my mind. I had been destroying myself for over 12 years and kept myself isolated so I wouldnt have to feel the pain of the world.

i was not in my right mind, and often times when I came back to my sane state the damage was already done.

it took a lot of inner work while I was in prison to transform my psychology and reprogram my mind. I also had to learn new ways to respond to emotions, and completely change how I interpreted the events that happened in my life.

some of the books that helped me the most were:

Refuge Recovery
Black and Buddhist
Love and Rage
Control Your Depression
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Gates to Buddhist Practice
and The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying


It was very difficult processing my trauma the first year down. I used a lot of DBT skills, meditation, and kept my mind busy reading books and learning spanish.

Eventually the emotional extremes went away. I was able to forgive people and let go of my grudges. I reconnected with family members and friends that I

It was all actually a very liberating experience. The nightmare was finally over.

I'll leave u guys with a few quotes

"I am not what happens to me, I am what I choose to become"
"Live your life as if you have already lived this life before, and you are being given a second chance"
and from my speech

Happiness are suffering are created through our interpretation of our experience and not by the experiences themselves. One can be happy in prison, and one can be miserable on the outside. It's all a matter of perspective.