>>11343633
Mistress and I have a rule. Our most important rule is "If you know something that I would want to know, tell me." This extends to silly jokes I heard that she would enjoy, my thoughts and needs as they come up, any mistakes I need to be punished for, problems I'm experiencing in the relationship, etc. No hiding anything, ever. There is sort of an importance threshold built into the phrasing. She wouldn't want to hear things that are unimportant. But if it's important enough that She would want to know, I need to tell Her.

So, if I'm given an order that is more difficult than I think She intended, or that I don't think She knows interferes with something else in our lives, I can let Her know. It is my duty to do so.

This rule is useful for vanilla married folk as well. My parents also do this, although they haven't formalized it or put it into words, and don't do the bdsm stuff associated with it. It's worked out incredibly well for them. But it really does require that you know each other well, trust each other completely, and feel very comfortable being vulnerable to each other. I don't think there's any shortcut here. I think you just have to get to know each other really really well.

There are a bunch of common pitfalls. Real people have needs, issues, and conflicting priorities that can't be waved away with an order. You can't force anybody to do anything, only inspire them to do it. And above all, take care of each other. Also there's no "One True Way."

I feel though that a large amount of this is a matter of experience, and a skill that cannot be expressed in a 4chan post or even an extensive guide. Even if it could be written down, it could not be internalized from text. Ultimately the best way to practice will be to open up to people in your life and get a bunch of bdsm and dating experience.