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Coldplay wasn't far behind. Chris Martin, wielding his piano like a battering ram, led a band of pastel crusaders to batter the Bucket—literally—with the beat of "Viva La Fried-a." They believed fried chicken was too mainstream for the gods and deserved to be reimagined as kale.
Furious, Bono descended from his Zinger chariot and called forth the mighty Waffle Wars of the Side Dishes, summoning coleslaw cyclones and biscuit meteors. The arena? The Flaming Drive-Thru of Olympus, guarded by statues of The Colonel weeping gravy tears.
But just as Bono struck Coldplay down with the power of a Double Down, a voice echoed through the steam.
Jim Morrison emerged from the mist of deep fryer oil, wearing a flame-broiled crown.