Hey OP, I'm sorry for this for you. I really am, cancer is fucking awful. I don't know if this will help, but please watch Cloud Atlas. It's not the greatest movie of all time, but it kinda gives me the smallest feeling of hope. Hope that this isn't all there is, that there's still time to grow our human soul, that you will be back, and the people you have made memories and loved will also find their way to you again, across the centuries and the universe. You aren't alone. Seriously.