>>42639044
>this level of empathy is odd, but doesn't feel disingenuous at all
It goes both ways! You can feel the genuineness directly.
>its just intutive that something needs time to grow and change
our intuitions come from somewhere, you know. If the intuition comes from your knowledge about biological organisms growing up, then it's not applicable to thought-forms. It's like saying an intuition about assembling a computer applies to developing a piece of software. That pony is in a mind that already spent a couple decades growing up.
>I am making a carbon copy of Pinkie via a Tulpa. A clone, a copy, and homage even
This just makes me sad. I hope things work out better than this, eventually. Why in the world you would actively choose to discard years of relationship is beyond me - you understand that it doesn't have to be like that, right? It's like, if your pen pal moved in with you, you're saying that "pen pal as a physical person has only existed for a week" and acting like they're a total stranger or a baby you have to take care of.

>>42639585
>When the dissociation is tinted by emotions [...] they're threatening emotions, and occasionally like a sadist persona is trying to push my self to the side because I'm clearly unsuccessful in life
That IS your shadow, whatever else you want to call it. The way I describe it to tulpafags is that, often, the ego is rigidly stuck in place after adolescence even though the psyche wants to continue to grow. The unconscious has a lot of strength and unless the ego is able to change flexibly and integrate the growing potential, it will inevitably bust through the ego, like a tree root growing through a sidewalk. In tulpa context usually I'm saying this because the tulpa provides a new positive outlet for that potential, where the host identity might be hopelessly rigid. You might be working towards improvement in your way, but maybe the unconscious wants you to grow in a different way, laterally instead of vertically.

Also, have you read Liber Null by any chance? It's a chaos magick manual, it sounds like edgy bullshit and it kinda is, but it lays out a system of thought before it gets to the edgy bullshit which is in perfect alignment with your Chaos ontology. https://azinelibrary.org/trash/LiberNull.pdf