Every box of the Tobacco Conglomerate's new phylo-filter-tip cigarettes comes with three optional, experience-enhancing, additives available at the touch of a button. The Mint-o-matic button infuses your smoke with a menthol/eucalyptus/mint blend. The Kicker button adds a flavor-rich double dose of tar, nicotine, and carbon compounds. The Self-Cleaning coats your cigarette with a layer of smoke-depositing nanotech. As my testimony indicated the last time I stood before this committee, there is still no clear evidence that cigarette smoking is proven to be harmful to the health of the smoker. - Jack M. Sutton, Chief Executive Officer, Uplift Tobacco, 09-03-2112.

>He doesn't overlock his ciggies