It just feels like transition is just some weird hedonistic desire and I wish I could he cute a feminine but ultimately it wont make me happy or give me true purpose in life like being in a relationship and having a family would. And if I transitioned I would say goodbye to those things completely.
>why cant you be cute and feminine as a guy
it just doesnt feel the same. plus women are attracted to masculinity, so I would need some level of such to be in a cishet relationship