>>24662917
>Sorry, but can you explain what you mean by this?
Like, paragraphs, son, do you use them?

>Sorry to ask, but can you try out Ch 6 and 7
Since you asked nicely. The writing is more tonally consistent, at least. But in terms of storytelling, it gets worse. Chapter 6 is basically just a sterile action list. You get more infatuated with tacticool maneuvering than telling a story here. Okay, it's a draft and you'll hopefully still edit it, but your approach should have more focus and sense of purpose from the get-go. You need to ensure your reader understands what is the current goal and how the actions taken help the MC towards that goal, and consider cutting stuff that means nothing. Don't trust too much in that people will get it. As shown by this thread, most have their brain completely turned off while reading.