Ireland is an ally of humanity.
Your efforts will be remembered.

The Golden Path (20 ASVAB edition):
>Join Army
>MOS: Whatever the recruiter managed to get you a waiver for
>After first contract, transfer to National Guard/Reserve (which you will drool your way through until retirement)
>Don't forget to cry to the VA for 100% disability!
>Pay someone literate to whip up a resume for you
>Get a job at Home Depot
>Keep applying to your local Costco. Be willing to work as chief cart wrangler.
>Use your Army NCO experience to work your way up to department manager
Congratulations. You've made it.