>go on my bank's website
>they are advertising a new mutual fund
>"invests in the top 20 stocks of the local stock exchange"
>1% entry fee
>0.5% exit fee for the first 2 years
>2.5% annual management fee
>has underperformed the stock exchange index by 5% this year so far

I called my bank's brokerage to buy something (traded in Germany - Xetra) and they said "sorry no international transactions today" because America is closed.

I don't live in America, their entire floor just takes the day off when it's a US holiday. Fuck me.