>>40844812
it isn't so much that i'm worried about it looking bad (although i suppose i am worried about that) but, like, the commitment of cutting off ten years' worth of hair, y'know? i think i don't want to admit it to myself but on top of being worried about how i'll feel personally i'm probably also afraid that instead of looking inconspicuously androgynous i will look very conspicuously transgender...maybe it just comes with the territory of externalizing the enby feelings but i've never existed as a trans person before without long hair and i'm not sure i could handle that if it meant people always knew and it weren't something i got to decide when to share and to whom
i'm sorry for going on and on and on about this i keep finding new layers here intersticed in the fear i had to begin with
i am probably just thinking way too hard
i wonder if i could find a queer hairstylist who might understand what i am thinking and be able to do something that would feel and look nice