honestly i feel like i'm trying to just play off my condition i'm extremely terrified by this all and i'm not getting the medical help i need, i get the feeling that this condition wont 'kill me' but if it ever severely injures me then i dont know if i'll be the same after
theres just some things you can't understand until it happens to you, just how terrible the feeling is, how extistentially horrifying it is
traditional ideas of fearing things like spiders or ghosts or the dark just doesnt compare to it
i'd probably contemplate suicide more if i wasnt more afraid of death than this
i feel like some creature that was made just to suffer in the worst ways possible