I'm in the mood for a greentext thread. This just happened last night in my game

Part 1
>be DM
>Start a 5e game to run through the Ghosts of Saltmarsh module because I've had this shit sitting in my bookshelf for years and wanted to run it
>Fourth Session: My party wants to go help the dwarven mines
>For some reason(I was drunk and it's been years since I DM'ed) I decide to set my 5 person level 3 party against three Stone Guards from one of the Mordenkainen books, setting the difficulty to CR3 on each because they wanted a higher challenge
>They nearly get wiped because I was retarded and overclocked the CR using 5etools
>nerf encounter halfway through to avoid TPK
>They win
>Give them the CR3 xp from the three stone guards as compensation for how retarded it was
>Also use this moment to establish the presence of the Scarlet Brotherhood by showing the Duergar were capturing slaves to sell to them
>Go back to Saltmarsh
>Party is kind of on edge since the last fight
>try to divide loot they got earlier from the Old Alchemist's house a few sessions back because they forgot to sell it all
>They head to the weekly market
>Evolves into a huge dispute over how to distribute the loot
>People arguing for a good half hour
>I feel like I should interfere as the DM. But I don't because I'm still hitting the rum and this is really funny to me
>Paladin wants money to give a tithe to his god, Bahamut
>EK wants to keep the golden skull for himself as a cool trinket
>Our one spectator who chimed in suggested the eldritch knight and paladin have a PvP duel over it because honestly this fight is autistic
>I just say whatever, go ahead.
>I state that the town circles around and watches as these two duel over a golden skull in the middle of the weekly market

Continued next post