Thread 96388135

I'm in the mood for a greentext thread. This just happened last night in my game

Part 1
>be DM
>Start a 5e game to run through the Ghosts of Saltmarsh module because I've had this shit sitting in my bookshelf for years and wanted to run it
>Fourth Session: My party wants to go help the dwarven mines
>For some reason(I was drunk and it's been years since I DM'ed) I decide to set my 5 person level 3 party against three Stone Guards from one of the Mordenkainen books, setting the difficulty to CR3 on each because they wanted a higher challenge
>They nearly get wiped because I was retarded and overclocked the CR using 5etools
>nerf encounter halfway through to avoid TPK
>They win
>Give them the CR3 xp from the three stone guards as compensation for how retarded it was
>Also use this moment to establish the presence of the Scarlet Brotherhood by showing the Duergar were capturing slaves to sell to them
>Go back to Saltmarsh
>Party is kind of on edge since the last fight
>try to divide loot they got earlier from the Old Alchemist's house a few sessions back because they forgot to sell it all
>They head to the weekly market
>Evolves into a huge dispute over how to distribute the loot
>People arguing for a good half hour
>I feel like I should interfere as the DM. But I don't because I'm still hitting the rum and this is really funny to me
>Paladin wants money to give a tithe to his god, Bahamut
>EK wants to keep the golden skull for himself as a cool trinket
>Our one spectator who chimed in suggested the eldritch knight and paladin have a PvP duel over it because honestly this fight is autistic
>I just say whatever, go ahead.
>I state that the town circles around and watches as these two duel over a golden skull in the middle of the weekly market

Continued next post

>>96388135 (OP)
Part 2
>Starts with just them trading blows. both have fairly high AC so there's a lot of blocking
>Townsfolk egging them on, guards don't want to get involved
>Paladin smites on EK, there was a 10% chance it connected due to the AC but it did
>EK's magic missile only does half damage paladin because he's a gemstone dragonborn
>I should also specify that I made Greyhawk dragonborns different from FR dragonborns, here they actually worship Bahamut
>Paladin uses his breath weapon which blows his hood back and reveals he's a dragonborn(I explained to the party prior to starting that DBs are rare in Oerth/World of Greyhawk)
>Town in shock
>EK surrenders. Knowing he's at critical HP and had no chance at this point.
>Paladin immediately goes and offers a tithe to Bahamut after the loot distribution situation was settled
>I haven't fully decided the consequences of everyone in town being alerted to the existence of a gemstone DB in the middle of Saltmarsh

A story I share now and then.

>Be me, new player
>Forgot the system. it also does not matter. Not dnd
>Invited to play by friends
>Eveyone makes guard characters except me
>I make a civilian. Had a nice story, didn't matter
>Campaign opens with guards chasing a criminal
>Think its a party hook
>Trip the criminal
>Get arrested for helping
>"Interfering with guard business"
>Captured and interrogated. Turns out I'm not a criminal
>Still left in a cell
>Other players do things while I wait
>For several sessions
>I don't even get interactions from the cell.
>We get on a boat because plot
>Uh oh
>Storm
>Sea serpents
>It's going to shit
>Ask to be released
>No
>Get left alone while everyone fights
>Escape
>See players struggling
>Remember what they did
>I have no reason to help them
>Take them all out
>No deaths, all knockouts
>Put them in the cell
>Ship is decimated
>Pirates arrive to claim the wreck
>Join the pirates

>Next session
>DM retcons the ship battle
>Wants me back in the cell
>The players bitched that I was sabotaging them
>They call me a troll
>Quit playing, keep spectating
>No dramatic ending, but I'll always remember it

>Party is exploring a mountainous region
>Encounter three trolls in a narrow pass
>Get the idea to just push them off the cliff
>Immediately forgets about the plan
>Instead the party knocks the trolls off the cliff once they're reduced to zero hitpoints
>They have regeneration, so they'll be back
>A few sessions later, the party decides to go looking for their lair
>On the way to the lair, a wyvern swoops down and attacks
>They kill the wyvern, and start skinning it
>The sounds of combat attracts the trolls from before
>They use the wyvern corpse as an obstacle, and finish off the trolls
>They find the troll lair
>Every moment or so, they hear a whacking sound, followed by a sad bleating sound
>They enter a kitchen area
>They see two troll children, and a goat on the floor with a missing leg and broken horn
>The troll children are taking turns hitting the goat with its own leg
>Troll children turn around
>They have "very mean, very punchable faces"
>Wizard puts his hand on the paladin's shoulder, casts Burst of Strength
>"Go get 'em, slugger"
>Paladin smites, drops the first child and seriously injures the second
>They finish off the second one
>Bard has a custom spell called "Wyrd Reconstruction", which has a higher healing potential, but has a chance of healing nothing, and the target must save or take a small amount of damage
>Bard tries to re-attach the leg
>Goat rolls its save
>Natural fucking twenty
>"The goat is as good as new"
>The party finds a stash of treasure, including a pair of necklaces that work like Sending Stones
>On the way back to their base, they encounter a crystalline deer that screams at them, emits a burst of light, then flees into the wilderness

>>96388141
Cute, I hope the bahabitch gets flayed by an angry mob.
Next time describe the party first with race/class/lvl since us who are not perpetually drunk can get a grasp of what's going on,

>>96389544
If you must know, the only two relevant players ot this story were

>Half elf eldritch knight
>Amethyst Gemstone Dragonborn Vengeance Paladin

Both level 3

This happened to me in 2024.
Part 1
>"Hi, my name is Tom."
>"Hey Tom; just to let you know we allow the combat wheelchair because we are inclusive!"
>"Um...okay? I am a lvl 4 Barbarian!"
>"Awesome Tom. Now what color is your wheelchair?"
>"My character doesn't have a wheelchair. He is a Barbarian. I want to be able to kick everyone's butt."
>"Tom, we are inclusive. You can kick butt the same way in a wheelchair."
>"Sorry, but that's not true. I got beat up last week bc I couldnt walk. Also my legs dont work so I literally cant kick someone."
>"Tom, Dont worry about that. We are inclusive here and the combat wheelchair is magic, and flies, and is immune to damage! We can let it have a free spell where you can kick people with Mage Hand"
>"No thanks. I will just be a normal Barbarian."
>"Normal? Tom, Dont be ableist."
>"Can we just play now?"
>"Yes Tom, but after a talk with the group we are concerned you arent playing your authentic self."
>"Oh, is this a litrpg setting? Sorry, I was playing a different character. Okay I will change my character's name to Tom."

>>96390208
Part 2
>"Tom, I noticed you forgot to put your combar wheelchair on your character sheet. Do you not feel comfortable being yourself here?"
>"I am not my wheelchair. I am just a normal guy named Tom."
>"There he goes again with the 'normal' shit. Tom is making me very uncomfortable."
>"Tom, you are making us very uncomfortable. Jim has severe anxiety and adhd to the point where he cant walk out of bed sometimes, especially today when we found out Trump is going up in the polls. Your use of the term 'normal' is ableist."
>"But Jim can walk. I saw him jogging in here all excited with his pizza from the kitchen. A kitchen he walked into whenever he was hungry. I'm the one in a wheelchair due to a crippling disease.
>"I am beginning to think Tom is lying about being disabled. Disabled people tend to be inclusive. That would explain why he has such prejudice towards the combat wheelchair."
>"Are you serious!?"
>"Tom, please calm down. Jim, you need to remember that people can often internalize prejudices against their own group.
>"My group? My disability doesnt define me. Why do I feel like I am the only normal person here?"
>"THERE IT IS AGAIN!"
>"Tom, I am sorry but after much discussion we decided this table isnt for you. Please leave. We are inclusive here and cant tolerate this type of internalized ableism."
I didnt even get to play after creating 2 characters. This was all Session zero bullshit. This was my first and last time trying to play at a 5e table. I heard every 5e game is now dominated by these types. I believe it since im 1/1.

>>96390208
>>96390222
You know you have to actually try to make your story sound remotely like something that actually happened if you want to sell it as something real right?

>>96388135 (OP)
Havnt had a good old GT thread in a while. Hers an oldy from 40K
>Be years ago, 40K 6th or 7th ed
>Be me, playing Imperial Guard with Imperial Agent (Inquisition) allies
>Poorfag so army is fairly basic and a lot of stuff is converted/scratchbuilt
>Be opponent, call him "Timmy"
>Timmy currently runs 30K Marines
>Timmy also cheats on his points
>Dont know why I play this guy, looking back
>Timmy wants a mega 5K battle
>I dont have 5K's worth of minis
>But I do have the old Imperial Armour rules for off-board artillery
>By Timmy's own ruling, these are still legal as they are the most recent versions
>Take many mortar and quadgun batteries
>Timmy has 30K Marines, Angron in a Spartan, tons of tacticals plus those special units, and some flankers and a predator squadron
>Against my infantry, Macro bunker, and sole Super heavy tank
See picrel, I was on the Southern side. We had buildings up one flank and on both ends, and a cratered park in the middle. My bunker is the yellow box
>Manage a lucky shot early on that immobilises the Spartan
>Timmy is pissed
>Flankers come on, Timmy tries to throw a meltabomb at the bunker and is told he cant, flankers get gunned down by massed fire
>Meanwhile MASSIVE MARINE WAVE coming up the centre
>Lasguns are not cutting it
>But aha, my reserve rolls for the bombardments!
>Almost all of them arrive
>Timmy reminds me he dislikes them, tell him stfu, I havnt the minis
>"Haha they wont do much anyway"
>I spent nearly 1K points on these
>The Marines are bunched up in the park area in cover
>Tightly grouped, bad spacing
>Its a massacre
>Sure, they have a 3+ save
>Im hitting each marine model an average of 4 times
>Over half the marines die in the first barrage, the survivors are pinned (no ATSKNF in 30K)
>The next turn the remainder join the barrage
>Timmy's few surviving marines break and retreat from the beaten ground
>Basilisk barrages dealt with his Predators
>Even with Angron coming up the flank, Timmy has lost

>>96391493
Another Timmy story, shorter
>Be roughly early 6th ed 40K
>Be me, still very naive
>Let people bring homebrew stuff to games, bring some of it myself
>Its for fun and to add flavour, like support mechs in the place of Hellhounds, or characters with tweaked stats and a couple of special rules to represent OC's
>Always get opponents permission, etc
>Game with Timmy
>I dont know the Marine codex
>Timmy is playing 40K marines
>Timmy brings an OC homebrew character, im in a hurry and hes always awkward to discuss with
>Homebrew "chapter master" has better WS and BS than fighty primarchs, S and T of 6, 6 wounds, lots of attacks, a 2+/2++ save, is also a better psyker than Lorgar, has super special edgelord named weapons that function like better heavy flamers with shred, plus are AP1 in close combat and shred, etc
>Over the course of the following surprisingly not entirely one sided game I manage to take this big guy down to two wounds, through sheer volume of fire
>He charges my Company Command squad, thats pushed up for reasons
>Company Commander overwatches, hits him with his plasma pistol and blows a wound off, Timmy fails both his save and reroll
>Buit hes in combat, and strikes first
>Wipes the command squad, my Company Commander takes two wounds (he only has one left)
>Pass both 5++ invun saves
>I swing back with my only surviving mini (the CC)
>Land two hits
>One wounds
>Timmy rolls his save, a 1! But, he can reroll it!
>"1"
>Timmy's OC self insert dies
>Timmy is mad and rolls a Vindicator up to blast my Company Commander
>Fails to wound
>My CC runs up and hits the Vindicator with a meltabomb, blowing it up and surviving the explosion unscathed
>Timmy is raging now, its the last turn
>Moves a squad of Veterans (IIRC Sternguard, may be wrong) and charges them in
>CC overwatches and kills one
>They make it in, and fail to kill my CC whom is still on only 1 wound remaining
>CC strikes back and kills another 1
>Game ends, Timmy rages

>>96390208
>>96390222
Dude, I get that the majority of greentexts are just creative writing exercises, but you should at least include a point, a joke or something that even slightly resembles reality and not just regurgitated /pol/tard memes.
This is worse than /r/dndhorrorstories slop.

>>96392158
I dont really understand. Do you think bc I am in a wheelchair IRL woke ppl are always super nice to me and wont lecture me on "ableism" and internalizing bullshit?
>>96390695
To be fair I dont blame you for not believing me. I couldnt believe it was happening to me. Of course not everything was immediately after the comment. It was this over 4 hours, and the guy who accused me of faking my disability did so on discord and I was kicked out privately over text by the GM. The rest happened though but life is weirder than fiction so I get it.

>>96392608
>To be fair I dont blame you for not believing me. I couldnt believe it was happening to me
I don't even need to scrutinize the events you wrote to tell if it's real. Your story just plain old isn't written how somebody recollecting something writes.

>>96391621
>Homebrew "chapter master" has better WS and BS than fighty primarchs, S and T of 6, 6 wounds, lots of attacks, a 2+/2++ save, is also a better psyker than Lorgar, has super special edgelord named weapons that function like better heavy flamers with shred, plus are AP1 in close combat and shred, etc
iirc around that edition you could do some really silly shit like having a 2+/2++/2+++/2++++ iron hands bike captain so that may be more in line than first appearance not that it isn't obscene but still

>>96392758
>you write poorly and must be retarded if this isnt fake
Hey fuck you. But okay yea I'm not Stephen King or even his retarded nephew. That's why I play games and dont write books.

>>96390208
>>96390222
I believe it. My friend has a similar story except he isnt in a wheelchair. He had a trump bumper sticker so after he left the first day they went off on him at the next session. He left and they texted him that they put a red hat on his character and then raped and killed his character, and no fucking lie I saw the text "made sure his corpse was so desecrated that no god would ever be able to resurrect him". We fucking lost it when he showed me that part. These people deserve their misery.

>>96392882
whatever you say

>>96392896
I mean they were super nice to him session 1 and said he's a great fit for the group. He said he was the last to arrive so they couldnt have seen it until he drove off at the end when everyone was leaving. They didnt text him anything bc they thought he could explain it like he got pranked by his brother or something since he was too cool to vote for trump.

>>96392901
I summarized it. Is it really summarized THAT poorly that it becomes unbelievable? It's from memory and I am sure it's slanted since it was a confusing and bewildering experience. Some was literally what they said. Some of it was basically what they said or implied. It's all true though so idk. I dont think I am THAT bad at writing tho.

>>96392933
Dont sweat it man it's the internet. Plus a lot of these 5e zoomers get really defensive when you go after stuff like the combat wheelchair. Lots of emotion so 5e players are big on inclusivity virtue signaling and will never believe anyone could ever mistreat a disabled person by screaming how they're ableist.
https://www.youtube.com/live/Cu76TILrQ-o

>>96392808
Yeah, I remember smashfucker. Guy was a beast. The kicker was that this pocket primarch cost a grand total of 200 - 300 points, if I remember right.
That CC mini is one of the few I regret giving up back when I sold my armies and got out of 40k, he was nothing special, just the regular Cadian plastic officer with a power sword and plasma pistol. But he and I achieved some exploits together.
I've got more stories, regular rpg tales and some more Timmy nonsense, I'll post them later, after work.

>>96388135 (OP)
Let me contribute
>OP made a shit thread
>Using stealth avatar posting
>I rolled my eyes
>Made a post about it
>Then went to hide the thread

>>96390208
>>96392608
I don't believe you because the real life doesn't run on memes and the wokest woketard would have had a completely different chain of communication.
You write like a terminally online reverse reddit whore whos only /tg/ experience is imagining what it would feel like encountering their favourite strawman.

>playing Curse of Strahd with friends from college
>nice folk, but tonally it was very much not my thing
>more than one player had a precocious child/edgy teenager character, pronouns on the character sheets, etc.
>playing a scheming Gnome necromancer who admires undeath/is very afraid of dying; one part Herbert West, one part Ash from Alien
>get bored with it, miss a few sessions and let the DM pilot my character
>she reaches out, wants to get me back into the fold
>has my character get separated from the group
>we do a 1-on-1 catch up session where my character runs into Strahd himself
>he tries to convince me to sell out the party and be a mole for him
>immediately accept his offer
>DM is surprised but into it
>Strahd turns me into a vampire, gives me a ring that can summon a horde of bats
>very excited to be a mole for my new master in exchange for the gift of eternal life
>first Discord session back, intro scene with the party at camp as I return from the woods
>"As he approaches, you notice his skin is unusually pale. He has two bite marks on his neck and he's wearing an ornate ring in the shape of a bat."
>throw my hands up, completely check out
>campaign died after that

>playing gnome illusionist prankster, pic related
>DM has us searching for some high-level monk NPC to help us kill a dragon
>hike up a mountain to reach his house, guy is asleep on his couch
>I immediately start looting
>find some scrolls lying around and stash some expensive liquor in my bag from the kitchen
>kung fu master wakes up, asks what we want
>endure horribly inaccurate recap from our paladin
>"Well, I gave up fighting a long time ago, but I might be willing to help in exchange for something..."
>produce stolen bottle of liquor from my bag
>"Oh wow, that's my favorite! Okay, I'll help."
>completely skip side quest and go back down the mountain with him to kick dragon ass

>>96397420
lol this reeks of inexperienced DM being mad that you made the "wrong" choice.

>>96398455
I don't think she was mad, I think she was just kinda inept/not thinking in terms of the big picture

>>96399571
A skilled DM would not have Strahd make you an offer that she didn't want you to take. An okay DM would backpedal and say that she didn't mean to do that if she fucked up. A bad DM lets you do something they're not prepared for and then torpedoes it instead of fixing the problem prior to continuing.

>be me playing Pathfinder
>party of demon hunters including cavalier, ranger, barbarian
>make a neutral evil ninja who speaks abyssal
>secretly researching demons and planning evil stuff behind party’s back
>party is suspicious of me but there’s nothing they can do
>during a mission get charmed by a succubus and sneak up behind cavalier ready to attack them
>succubus is killed and charm broken and I hide knives behind my back like nothing happened, she is super suspicious
>later run into fight I don’t think we can win and make deal with demon (maybe a Nabasu? Don’t remember) revealing that I speak abyssal, and feed him hostage
>get arrested and locked up by party
>ask DM if they searched me since I didn’t hear anyone say so, he says no
>I cut the bars with my blade that can cut anything that I got as loot earlier and show up at the next mission briefing, kicking my feet up on the table and acting like nothing happened
>throughout missions, save entire party twice, but they never know because once they were all unconscious and another time very busy and distracted
>so party is suspicious of me and cavalier hates me even though I saved them
>barbarian, who was cavalier’s husband irl and in game dies later, refills a wizard
>on final mission entire party goes into pocket dimension in an orb, they leave me to go last for some reason
>summon my demonic contact and offer to sell him orb with team of demon hunters in exchange for my soul back since I’d been making demonic pacts
>DM is super quick on his feet and deals with my party killing evil antics, demon tells my character to “go to church” if she wants her soul back
>join mission late, get into argument with cavalier who attacks me and I run away
>cavalier dies later while party struggles with challenging puzzle that I don’t remember and my character shows up in time to sacrifice herself while tossing macguffin to the remaining characters and world is saved

>>96400182
>DM says my character’s soul is saved because of her sacrifice
So that’s how my neutral evil ninja with a sword that could cut through anything somehow made it through a campaign with a good party of demon hunters. Basically I was an idiot and the DM was awesome. He also did voices for the NPCs.

>>96390222
what ragebait r/dndhorrorstories video did you watch that inspired you to write such an obvious lie

>be me
>running dnd 5e for the first time
>party is at a harbor being attacked by a hostile nations army and must escort civilians to safety
>initial plan is to have them use stealth to either sneak past the soldiers or to take them out with a sneak attack
>the druid casts a waterwalking spell and the party ends up cheesing the encounter

this is the true dm experience.

>>96388135 (OP)
>be me
>want to play something besides DnD 5e
>I don't hate 5e I just want to try something different
>offer to DM system that isn't DnD 5e
>nobody is interested
Maybe one day bros.

>Run Laser & Feeling
> prep nothing but a few images and some music
> instantly forgot that laserfeeling rule
> Game Starts roll on the chart
-2,1,4,5
>think hive armada means hive mind
>game starts

>>96390208
>>96390222
You posted this in the 5e general and nobody believed you there either.

>Slime Girl
>Lizard Dude from Mass Effect
>Random Robot

>They meet at the front of the ship
>Ship gots taken over by a mushroom fog that seem to hijack the ships control and their caption play by none of the players seem stuck and asleep in med bay
>Ask them to choose where to go
>they choose med bay

>>96400995
>on the way to the med bay , they got ambushed by 2 robot that seem to taken over the mushroom fog
>fights starts
> not realize that laser and feeling does not do combat well
>first round? Mass effect lizard shoot the the friendly robot
>droid begin enforcing police violence upon the slime girl
>some player makes a joke about communism
>wtf why not , make it cannon
>communism robots police violence too effective
>friendly robot nearly dies, and mass effect lizard gun breaks
> thankfully players win [roll I think 4 success with gun]
>thinks well that combats was boring
>tells the friendly robot player ,that they were effect by the mushroom fog and now is evil
>players instantly figures it out , doesnt do anything though
> move on the medbay

>>96401091

>Did not plan anything for med bay
>make up a boss fight [a boss with multiple limbs that they have to attack before dealing damage to it]
Here is where I realized that Laser and feeling does not do combat well, and you can’t just have combat with no rules
>they kill in 30 minutes
>panic.png
>railroad it so they miss one of the shots to hit the ship power battery which convenient is in the med bay

>>96401127

> ship begins crashing from orbit
> abandoned ship
> remember that one of the players friendly robot is a traitor
>tell them they can anything when the crew is escaping
>they tell me they are going to use their mushroom powers
>WTF
> ignore it for now
>they got to the escape pod
> Slime girl metagames and will not let the robot on the escape pod because of racist
>railroad again, conveniently there is another escape pod that is empty.
>robot uses that
>they land on a desert planet

>>96401170

>ask them to roll on where they crash

>Friendly Communist Robot max roll allow her to choose
[near a settlement]
>Slime Girl Fails Rolls
[In a river]
>Mass Effect lizard lowest roll
[right in the religious alter of a savage Dragonborn alien tribe]
I ripoff some part of Space 1889
>Mass Effect Lizard First
> he climbs out and find out his universal translator is failing and can translator things back at him , back can’t translate what he say back to them
>climb out of escape pod instantly start getting worship as a god and blood sacrifices being done in his honor
> try to communicate
>fails rolls
>even more bloody violence act done for his name
>a skull throne is given for him to sit on

>Slime Girl next
> flows down the river
> get noticed by Lizard folk alien
Random pick the first thing and it was lizard
> decide to attack alien using her slime alien powers
>rolls maxs [6]
> describe how she eviscerated and rip open the xeno like a buzzsaw blood flying everywhere
>other lizard folk alien sees this all this to rush to her
> she then fire her gun into the sky like lighting beam
>tell her to roll
[Success]
>they all bow down , another player is now being worship as a god

>Be me
>Playing Twilight 2000 with some friends
>At the end of the session, we find a bar
>Its filled to the brim with mercenaries
>We try to get info on the near by city, eat something, and generally just fuck around since the session is about to end anyways for the day
>Decide to look around for people gambling
>"You spot a table with some mercenaries and other tough people playing cards"
>Think its blackjack, and since my PC has a lot of intelligence figure out i could cheat by counting cards
>I inmideatly join up and put my wager on
>Think it was worthless shit equivalent to 5 bucks.
>Turns out, they are actually playing poker. Also, that what i waged was valuable enough to get me called a high roller apparently, worth at least 10 family meals.
>Explain DM that actually i have no idea IC or OOC how to play poker.
>We leave it at me having to roll a single 1d12 dice, and if i crit, i can go again.
>I crit. Twice.
>Win so hard, have to use some of the money i won so half the bar doesn't jump on me for pretty much swopping in, take everyones money, and leave by buying some meals.
>mfw i left several people bankrupt despite having no idea how to play texas holdem.

>last the friendly communist robot
> got find by human researchers and archaeologist investigating a temple nearby
>they start lore dumping about how they were send to investigate them temple near by due to its being near weird spacetime bending shenanigans.
Me trying to fit the quantum tunnel into the game
>as well as study the pacifist alien near them, they then note how weird it that the robot is not effect by the mushroom spores that is shutting off complex tech
>the friendly communist robot make a joke that they are not effect before asking them to show them to the temple

>>96401298

>back to Mass Effect lizard dude
>Nothing happened much, the Dragonborn alien decided to present one of the catcher researchers [They call them the bucket hated folks]
>after releasing the researcher, he asked what happened, the researchers complained why pacifist alien become hostile,he try marked him for safety missrolled and the researchers nearly gots eaten alive

>back slime girl
>player decide that their character is too autistic and walks off
>WTF
Decide to rip off Monty Python
> she the Messiah and they start to follow her to promise lands

>Quick cut to Mass Effect Lizard
>Report has come that the lizard tribe has beagn invading our lands
>Mass Effect alien try to communicate with them to not attack
>Fails Rolls
>They think that he is trying to tell to wage a Holy War against the lizard tribe and genocide them off the face the map

>Cut back to the Slime Girl
>As the lizard alien begins setting up defenses for their holy land ,an army of Dragonborn alien shows up and start attacking.
>All out war begins.
>Slime girl try to stop them from fighting
[Fails]
>they start murdering each other even harder as one sides now see the other as having satanic god on their side, while the other ruthlessly tried to defend their holy land
>she try again and fire her gun into between them two group
>saids she just does that and ask for there to be no roll, tell her to roll anyways
[Success]
>twist knife/monkey paw
>they stop fighting now see both the mass effect alien and slime alien as twin god , brother and sister send to aid them
>As it is their command to commit murder and wide out the the bucket hated folks [the researchers] who steal their land and are true evils.
>As this is happening the communist robot with researchers in a jeet drive near the battlefields to ask what is happening

>>96401501

>Friendly Communist Robot
>Ask Communist Robot what are they going to do
>Use Mushroom Powers
>WTF, you know what?
>makeup something
>The spores in the begin to gather around the robot as they begin to transform into giant miles long half spore half robot, half technological, half natural creature
>It then commands them to charge into the ancient temple fall into the hole in the middle of it
>As this is happening the two tribe unit as one and begin throw spear and javelin’s at the robot see it as the true evil

>Mass effect lizard try to find the distress beacon in his escape pod and try to active it
[Fails]

>Cut to the slime girl who try to do the same
[Success]
>decide to connect her translator to the it
>Are you sure
>She say yes

>Cut back to the robot who now has access to the distress beacon, as the translator was corrupt already
>call in military reinforcement
> giant orbital ships begin to descend
>her spore begins to take over the ships
> orbital bombardment
>the battlefield is level to the ground , as the robot rush and jump into the temple

>cutback to the mass effect alien hon decided to just run away

> as he try to ,the world shakes, spacetime begins to shatter and break.As the whole world begins to be sucked into a singularity.

>>96401566
Decided why let ripoff 2001 the space odyssey
>The three character woken up in white room
>Robot , who back from her titan form but still infected charges at the black sphere
>Mass Effect Alien is now check out and collapses to the floor
>Slime Girl aim her gun and
[Fails]
decide to railroad and not have a bad ending
>she fire the bullet miss the robot completely but it manages to land straight into the black sphere
>Then Explosion png.
>Time rewinds back to minute before the robot jumps into the hole
>Time Stop as the whole world turn black and white
>The Sphere and Slime Girl is the only people moving
>The Sphere asks her a question
>Does she want to combine all life into one entity
> The Slime Girl say no and ask if the Sphere wants therapy.
>The World return to normal, the mushroom spores are now gone and the robot is cure
>The Slime Girl is now floating in the air and slow fall the ground.
> The End

> Epilogue

>The Mass Effect dude return to shepherds crew
> The Slime Girl Become A Black Hole Engineer
>The Robot return to work on a different ship

Have a Panic Attack thinking I fail as a GM, still can’t decide if this was okay or a failure. So what do you think anon?

>>96400927
I did this with pf with my group and now everyone's pooping on 5e. It also started a chain reaction where they want other systems too now, even ones I don't know. Cyberpunk is next on the line.

>>96388141
Any cheer I had for the story turned to cringe when I read your party is full of dragonborn scaly shit.

>>96400009
Yeah, I mean it didn't come off as spiteful so much as her wanting the vampire twist to become the topic du jour right at that very moment (as opposed to an entire campaign's worth of deception leading to a grand betrayal).

Like I said, inept

>>96400967
>gets laughed off thread for obvious bullshit
>comes to another thread to post same bullshit
>gets laughed off again
>mfw

>Be back in the day
>Playing 3e dnd with my friends
>Was a pretty new GM at the time but the players loved the game
>Middle of a major battle, undead storming the town
>Players held a key crossroads but one of them died
>Next session, players new character enters
>"I want to start on the rooftops overlooking the party"
>Uh, sure. Its night by the way, and stormy, and your 4 stories up
>"Its fine, I want to get down to the party"
>Well, the window that got you on to the roof is behind you and still ope-
>"No, I want to jump the alleyway to the next roof, grab a drainpipe and shimmy down"
>Okay then, that will be an acrobatics check
>'1'
>And a reflex save to catch yourself
>'1'
>Another reflex save
>'1'
>An acrobatics check to soften the landing...
>'1'
>Okay, well, you slip off of the edge of the roof and plummet to your death. In the wind and rain, with thunder booming and battle raging, nobody hears the wet splat as you impact. Reroll.
To be fair, he took it well and accepted that maybe trying to do acrobatics at 4 stories up in foul weather at night was not a good idea.
>Le ebic natty 1's
Yeah, I know. But I was only 17 at the time.