>>11386996
"I'm sorry Mr. Anon, but the proprietary software used has not been supported for 10 years, compatible hardware has been out of circulation for 8, and the data corruption is so high a clean wipe would be the only feasible option to her schizophrenic episodes. While I agree that the situation is truly tragic, I think I speak for all of us when I say the best thing you could do is accept she is gone, say goodbye...
AND SAY HELLO TO OUR NEWEST UPGRADED MODEL, NOW AVAILABLE AT A TRADE IN DEAL JUST FOR YOU! EVERYONE LOVES UPGRADES DON'T THEY? AND YOU CAN GET YOURSELF ONE FOR A WHOPPING 7% OFF PLUS 3 MONTHS OF FREE WARRANTY AND TECH SUPPORT! AND IF YOU PAY FOR THE PREMIUM WIDOWER PACKAGE, WE'LL EVEN THROW IN A FREE AI GENERATED PERSONALITY BASED OFF THE OLD ONE'S DATA LOGS FOR FREE-"
*in unintelligibly fast voice*
"Only if you accept within the next two business days, deliver the old unit to the drop off point yourself, pay a small surcharge for the processing facility, and sign a TOS that states we are not directly nor indirectly responsible for any discrepancies or inaccuracies between the previous unit and your new product, only at select retail locations while supplies last.
"So what do you say pal, we got a deal?"