I'm pretty fucked up from mental illness, and I believe my only realistic hope in life is to get a provider girlfriend. I live off of my boomer dad, and he's not going to live forever.

I've got OCD and I suspect something else (at least some emotional dysregulation) that gives me insomnia that keeps me from being able to hold any 9 to 5 or A time to B time job. I have super bad anxiety and I'm prone to becoming angry and loud. (It would take me forever to describe all my issues.) My insomnia means I'll be sleeping at random hours, and I seriously wouldn't want somebody waking me up, as this would make me paranoid and my insomnia way worse.

There are some positives about me. I'm 25 and 5'11, so I'm not old and I'm not a legitimate manlet. I've been lifting since 2013, and I only need to lose around 50 or 60 more pounds of fat before I'll be lean, at which point, I should be around a 7 or 8/10, but I'll likely be 26 by this point. I believe I do have decent facial genetics. I could hypothetically do all the housework and cook really nice meals for her, as I've learned a lot from my dad, who is a chef, and I believe I've got decent taste. My insomnia would mean I would be up at random hours, so I wouldn't be able to cook whenever, and neither would she if she wanted to.

I am NOT a lazy person. I've gradually been improving on myself and learning to live with my mental issues since my teens. I've seriously kept up with lifting since I was 13. It just seems like almost all forms of employment are an impossibility for me.

I would also really love to have a girlfriend. My self esteem is already pretty low, but I wouldn't mind a woman who's 15 years older than me and a bit out of shape. It just seems like the only thing I have to offer is literally my body. She would have to put up with my mental illness bullshit and financially support me, but I guess I could provide her with social time. Doing household chores and cooking would be easy.

How fucked am I?