Thread 82104392

I'm pretty fucked up from mental illness, and I believe my only realistic hope in life is to get a provider girlfriend. I live off of my boomer dad, and he's not going to live forever.

I've got OCD and I suspect something else (at least some emotional dysregulation) that gives me insomnia that keeps me from being able to hold any 9 to 5 or A time to B time job. I have super bad anxiety and I'm prone to becoming angry and loud. (It would take me forever to describe all my issues.) My insomnia means I'll be sleeping at random hours, and I seriously wouldn't want somebody waking me up, as this would make me paranoid and my insomnia way worse.

There are some positives about me. I'm 25 and 5'11, so I'm not old and I'm not a legitimate manlet. I've been lifting since 2013, and I only need to lose around 50 or 60 more pounds of fat before I'll be lean, at which point, I should be around a 7 or 8/10, but I'll likely be 26 by this point. I believe I do have decent facial genetics. I could hypothetically do all the housework and cook really nice meals for her, as I've learned a lot from my dad, who is a chef, and I believe I've got decent taste. My insomnia would mean I would be up at random hours, so I wouldn't be able to cook whenever, and neither would she if she wanted to.

I am NOT a lazy person. I've gradually been improving on myself and learning to live with my mental issues since my teens. I've seriously kept up with lifting since I was 13. It just seems like almost all forms of employment are an impossibility for me.

I would also really love to have a girlfriend. My self esteem is already pretty low, but I wouldn't mind a woman who's 15 years older than me and a bit out of shape. It just seems like the only thing I have to offer is literally my body. She would have to put up with my mental illness bullshit and financially support me, but I guess I could provide her with social time. Doing household chores and cooking would be easy.

How fucked am I?

>>82104392 (OP)
Even if you get a woman, it won't be like a reversal of typical male provider relationships. She is not gonna give YOU as much as a man would to a woman in a typical relationship.

F. I know that feel about anxiety, and it being impossible to deal with normies and masking all the time.
I also wish I could get a Older Woman Provider Girlfriend, that I could cum in all the time without her getting knocked up.

>>82104551
You are absolutely right. And she doesn't have to be older than me. She could technically be younger than me, like a trust fund college girl. The only thing I really have to offer is around $1250 in NEETbux each month. I feel like even telling a woman I live off of welfare would be a turnoff. All sorts of red flags would be popping up in her head.

I still don't get enough in NEETbux to cover my monthly expenses at the moment. Around $250 of my monthly NEETbux is for food exclusively, and my dad runs through that within the first two weeks. I spend my other NEETbux on some of my own food, but my dad pays for most of the food I eat. I also spend around $150 for steroids each month and somewhere between $50 to $100 a month on ambien. (I haven't had a prescription in years, so I have to order it off darknet markets.) Whey protein powder is also pretty expensive. Anyway, she would essentially have to give me an allowance or at least pay for the food I eat, and I would hopefully be cooking for her.

I would have no money left over to spend on nice shit, unless she agreed to it, but I feel like asking her for too much would potentially sabotage such a relationship, and I would be completely dependent on her. My small family in the US is poor and mentally ill, so if I can't find a woman to live off of, I might as well be homeless.

>>82104551
You are absolutely right. And she doesn't have to be older than me. She could technically be younger than me, like a trust fund college girl. The only thing I really have to offer is around $1250 in NEETbux each month. I feel like even telling a woman I live off of welfare would be a turnoff. All sorts of red flags would be popping up in her head.

I still don't get enough in NEETbux to cover my monthly expenses at the moment. Around $250 of my monthly NEETbux is for food exclusively, and my dad runs through that within the first two weeks. I spend my other NEETbux on some of my own food, but my dad pays for most of the food I eat. I also spend around $150 for steroids each month and somewhere between $50 to $100 a month on ambien. (I haven't had a prescription in years, so I have to order it off darknet markets.) Whey protein powder is also pretty expensive. Anyway, she would essentially have to give me an allowance or at least pay for the food I eat, and I would hopefully be cooking for her. Also, I would need a place to stay, so she would indirectly be paying for housing for me. I'll be honest, I actually do get a bit turned off at the thought of a woman having this much power over me, but I feel ashamed of this, and it hurts my already low self esteem.

I would have no money left over to spend on nice shit, unless she agreed to it, but I feel like asking her for too much would potentially sabotage such a relationship, and I would be completely dependent on her. My small family in the US is poor and mentally ill, so if I can't find a woman to live off of, I might as well be homeless.

>>82104741
>I want to parasite
>Off of a woman
>I do steroids and take drugs to sleep btw I also have anger issues
>Posts with anime pictures
>Is a fat fuck
>Mentally ill
lol
lmfao even. You're going to end up homeless when your father dies. Stop looking for handouts or a relationship. Fix yourself first. Why the fuck would a woman want a former fat fuck who is still 50-60 pounds overweight who is in his mid twenties? You don't even have youth. What the fuck anon

>>82104871
>Is a fat fuck
Anon, I've gradually been losing the fat, and I estimate that I will be lean by the time I'm 26, which will be in June 2026, and I will also be super jacked by that point. I've had gyno since I was 13 before I was even fat, though, so I'll be a bit screwed with that.
>Fix yourself first.
I have made some gradual progress on my mental health, especially when you compare my current self to what I was like years ago, but I don't see it getting much better. I'm already 25. Especially near the beginning of the relationship, I would do as much as I could to contain any anger as possible, which I can realistically see myself doing. It's once I would get used to her that I would start to act out. I am way more in control of myself and my anger than I was in my late teens. I have matured, but I just don't see myself making much more progress in the future. I'm at that age where the brain starts to finalize development and lose neuroplasticity.
>You don't even have youth. What the fuck anon
A lot of women don't exactly want a kid in his late teens or early 20s, and I still look youthful at my age. I cannot notice any signs of aging in my face when I look in the mirror, and I have body dysmorphia and I'm paranoid over shit like this. Also, I don't believe women value youth in a man the same way men value youth in a woman. I would just be an attractive young guy who would be doing whatever she wants and doing my best to keep her happy while she just offers me a place to stay and a bit of financial support. I also assume she would have to be ugly for this to work, as a 7 or 8/10 looksmatch in her right mind wouldn't invest in a broke dude like myself.
>I want to parasite
>Off of a woman
I'm ashamed of the fact that this is what I would essentially be doing. I would be offering her companionship and hopefully good sex in return, though. I still receive NEETbux. All she would be doing is giving me a place to stay and paying for some of my food.

>>82104973
>Anon, I've gradually been losing the fat, and I estimate that I will be lean by the time I'm 26, which will be in June 2026
lol
>I've had gyno since I was 13 before I was even fat, though, so I'll be a bit screwed with that
lmao. So you'll be a 26 year old steroid junkie with bitch tits and emotional issues?
>I have made some gradual progress on my mental health, especially when you compare my current self to what I was like years ago, but I don't see it getting much better.
Then things won't improve for you. It doesn't matter where you came from, but where you are now.
> It's once I would get used to her that I would start to act out. I am way more in control of myself and my anger than I was in my late teens. I have matured, but I just don't see myself making much more progress in the future. I'm at that age where the brain starts to finalize development and lose neuroplasticity.
You sound like an autistic retard.
>I cannot notice any signs of aging in my face when I look in the mirror
You have autism. It's shocking you can recognise yourself at all.
>All she would be doing is giving me a place to stay and paying for some of my food.
Hahahaha

>>82105416
I'll be honest, I suspect I have another mental disorder on top of OCD (possibly BPD), but I find it unlikely that I would grow the balls to tell a psychologist or psychiatrist of my plan. It's way too embarrassing.

I still believe I stand some chance of success. I DID have a medically morbidly obese (lower end) woman in her mid to late 40s essentially offer me to stay at her big house in the country when I was 22. This planted the seed of getting an older provider girlfriend in my mind. I had stopped lifting a couple years prior, and I was even fatter at that point. I was likely a 3/10 in looks. I declined because she was too ugly.

If I got myself up to 7 to 8/10 looks, even considering the stupid gyno (Also, I do believe I have decent facial genetics. I also have hunter eyes.), I believe I would stand a much greater chance. If she gave me a place to stay and financial security, I don't think I'd care much about her being fat or somewhat ugly. I'm not a sociopath, and I would do my best to be sweet to her, help her around the house, cook for her, and satisfy her sexually.

I'm pretty lonely tonight, as I usually am.

I am so ronery. Anon, please reply.