>>82104551
You are absolutely right. And she doesn't have to be older than me. She could technically be younger than me, like a trust fund college girl. The only thing I really have to offer is around $1250 in NEETbux each month. I feel like even telling a woman I live off of welfare would be a turnoff. All sorts of red flags would be popping up in her head.

I still don't get enough in NEETbux to cover my monthly expenses at the moment. Around $250 of my monthly NEETbux is for food exclusively, and my dad runs through that within the first two weeks. I spend my other NEETbux on some of my own food, but my dad pays for most of the food I eat. I also spend around $150 for steroids each month and somewhere between $50 to $100 a month on ambien. (I haven't had a prescription in years, so I have to order it off darknet markets.) Whey protein powder is also pretty expensive. Anyway, she would essentially have to give me an allowance or at least pay for the food I eat, and I would hopefully be cooking for her. Also, I would need a place to stay, so she would indirectly be paying for housing for me. I'll be honest, I actually do get a bit turned off at the thought of a woman having this much power over me, but I feel ashamed of this, and it hurts my already low self esteem.

I would have no money left over to spend on nice shit, unless she agreed to it, but I feel like asking her for too much would potentially sabotage such a relationship, and I would be completely dependent on her. My small family in the US is poor and mentally ill, so if I can't find a woman to live off of, I might as well be homeless.

>>82104551
You are absolutely right. And she doesn't have to be older than me. She could technically be younger than me, like a trust fund college girl. The only thing I really have to offer is around $1250 in NEETbux each month. I feel like even telling a woman I live off of welfare would be a turnoff. All sorts of red flags would be popping up in her head.

I still don't get enough in NEETbux to cover my monthly expenses at the moment. Around $250 of my monthly NEETbux is for food exclusively, and my dad runs through that within the first two weeks. I spend my other NEETbux on some of my own food, but my dad pays for most of the food I eat. I also spend around $150 for steroids each month and somewhere between $50 to $100 a month on ambien. (I haven't had a prescription in years, so I have to order it off darknet markets.) Whey protein powder is also pretty expensive. Anyway, she would essentially have to give me an allowance or at least pay for the food I eat, and I would hopefully be cooking for her.

I would have no money left over to spend on nice shit, unless she agreed to it, but I feel like asking her for too much would potentially sabotage such a relationship, and I would be completely dependent on her. My small family in the US is poor and mentally ill, so if I can't find a woman to live off of, I might as well be homeless.

>>82063044
>Keep asking chatgpt tho.
I started realizing I likely have something other than just OCD after asking if certain thoughts and behaviors I had were coming from OCD, and I started getting different answers. This is also when I learned what shame actually is. It's an intense emotion where you feel like you want to make yourself feel small and keep distance from others and feel like a terrible person. I've been feeling this on likely a daily basis since my late teens, and I just learned this isn't normal. I've also been regularly getting super angry. I get insane thoughts, like the ones I brought up in this thread. >>>/pol/511994606 I also randomly get excited. I know when my dad comes around, like coming to the door to my room, that I need to get my shit together. This has been contributing to my insomnia along with my OCD. Even without OCD thoughts, I still need to take drugs to calm myself down. My self esteem is also crushed.

>>81874272
I read that borderline people might not be aware that their unusual behavior and thought patterns are due to their fear of abandonment. Maybe it's different after you've been diagnosed. Funnily enough, I did a lot of research since I've feared that I have something more than just OCD, possibly a personality disorder. I meet most of the diagnostic criteria for borderline, but I've been an incel for all these years. (I turned 25 last month.) The closest person to me is my father, but I don't fear him abandoning me, and this is apparently the core feature of BPD that all the negative side effects supposedly revolve around. My BPD-like side effects are likely from my OCD, funnily enough, at least from my research. Are you a man or woman?

I'm lonely. Someone post in this thread.

>>81706430
>now see any person not being worth the effort and the hard-earned stability
I can see myself self-improving to the point I have a decent income (I'm planning on going back to college to study mechanical engineering after getting a driver license and car.) and have 8/10 looks (being jacked and lean), but I will have put so much fucking work in by that time, that pretty much any woman isn't going to seem like she's worth it. I feel like I'd eventually overcome this feeling and end up with some older roastie who has a pretty decent body count while I'd virtually be a virgin at the age of 30. (I turned 25 in June.)

>>81655599
>was only in high school for two years, freshman and sophomore year
Did u drop out? Howcome? I barely made it to graduation but I never went to college