Looking back at my youth, never having had a girlfriend, makes me feel a lot of shame. I feel pretty strong shame when I see young attractive couples. Videos of young men having sex with attractive women are very painful. Yet, I still have this idea in my head that actually having a girlfriend would be super stressful and untenable due to lack of money. Can I be relatively broke on NEETbux and mentally ill and still find love? I could see myself achieving 7 or 8/10 looks physically. I don't even have a car, and my dad told me it would be a financially bad decision to get one.

I'm still not sure if I have this, but from all the hours of research I've been doing and all the hours I've spent self-reflecting and remembering past events and how I thought about them, it appears as though the most likely culprit is the quiet form of BPD. The thing is, I've never had a girlfriend. I'm 25, and I've been an incel this whole time due to multiple reasons.

My biological dad died before I got to meet him, but everyone on my mother's side of the family is nuts. My uncle is an obvious vulnerable narcissist whom I am virtually no contact with, and I suspect my mom has BPD. I actually didn't grow up with her, but from the limited experiences I've had with her, the emotional dysregulation is strong. She rages very easily, and she's a pathological liar. She generally gets hyper very easily. I'm actually a bit similar, but to a less extreme and more controlled level, and I didn't grow up with her. My dad (adoptive father) notices the similarities. There's something wrong with my grandma, but I don't know what the hell she has. She is just very neurotic and rages on possibly a daily basis.

I'm pretty lonely tonight, as I usually am.

>>81841427
I've been fucked all these years due to OCD. Read this post. >>81841109

Im finishing my college final thesis rn and thinking, is there any reason to do all of this when society will inevitably collapse in some years or maybe even months?