I'm still not sure if I have this, but from all the hours of research I've been doing and all the hours I've spent self-reflecting and remembering past events and how I thought about them, it appears as though the most likely culprit is the quiet form of BPD. The thing is, I've never had a girlfriend. I'm 25, and I've been an incel this whole time due to multiple reasons.

My biological dad died before I got to meet him, but everyone on my mother's side of the family is nuts. My uncle is an obvious vulnerable narcissist whom I am virtually no contact with, and I suspect my mom has BPD. I actually didn't grow up with her, but from the limited experiences I've had with her, the emotional dysregulation is strong. She rages very easily, and she's a pathological liar. She generally gets hyper very easily. I'm actually a bit similar, but to a less extreme and more controlled level, and I didn't grow up with her. My dad (adoptive father) notices the similarities. There's something wrong with my grandma, but I don't know what the hell she has. She is just very neurotic and rages on possibly a daily basis.

For me, I switch from being pretty hyper (angry and excited) to pretty depressed (clinical depression with lots of shame and suicidal thoughts). My self esteem is crushed. The reason why I believe I have something like BPD is because it would explain the other part of my insomnia. I also have OCD, and this whole time, I've believed my OCD was the only thing causing my insomnia, but it didn't click to me that I might have something different in addition to the OCD, since I've noticed for years that if I'm too "amped up" (feeling lots of anger, shame, excitement, and suicidal thoughts of varying intensity) that sleeping medication won't do anything. I have to wait for myself to calm down enough before I even consider taking the medication. I used to think the OCD caused me to get "amped up," but from recent research, this doesn't seem likely. When I say I get angry, I mean I can be filled with hate and have sociopathic thoughts in my head that I later feel ashamed over. I occasionally lash out at my dad, and I yell on an almost daily basis, even though I don't want to.

What do you anons think? I know I would need an actual psychologist or psychiatrist to diagnose me, but I've been misdiagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in the past. I actually feel pretty embarrassed at the thought of bringing up these issues. I would feel some relief at the thought of properly being diagnosed with something else, but I feel embarrassed at the thought of even thinking this. I don't know what to tell my psychologist. I haven't seen her in years.

>>82110208 (OP)
Just because your mom is a women that doesn't mean she Automatically has BPD. I would bet a lot of money she is a vullie tho

>>82110228
My mom has been admitted to mental institutions multiple times. She has chased people around with a knife on multiple occasions and poured hot oil over her current husband in his sleep. She is 100% nuts. She lost custody of me for a reason. Women almost never lose custody. They diagnosed her as bipolar, but she's nuts all the time, and people with BPD are commonly misdiagnosed as having bipolar, which is why I suspect she has BPD.

>>82110208 (OP)
>>82110214
If y'all are talking about bipolar II disorder and not borderline personality disorder (BPD), you would have episodes that last 4 days to a week of not being able to sleep, being hyper, doing a bunch of shit followed by longer periods of depression. That would be bipolar II. Also, these episodes cannot be caused by illicit substances. I would never see a psychologist (they don't have a fucking clue) I would go straight to a psychiatric provider and ask for latuda, as I have seen the best results with that medicine. Depakote and lithium are old drugs that destroy your body. You're welcome.

>>82110214
>>82110208 (OP)
checks out with all things BPD a lot
get transcranial magnetic therapy. the only way to address this at wetware level (and no this is neither euthanasia nor microwaving your brain. dyor)

>>82110250
yeah just go around defaming ur "mother"

>>82110273
She abused me as a child, including drugging me, and my adoptive father got it on video. Winning full custody from a woman is mission impossible in most of the world. I really don't care about her that much. She is a pathological liar and refuses to even consider that she has any mental illness. I didn't even suggest she could have one. She just one day told me that there is no mental illness in the family. I just need her for connection to my little brother and his father.

>>82110250
Ok. I guess you have all the answers so idk why ur asking here

>>82110261
>If y'all are talking about bipolar II disorder and not borderline personality disorder (BPD), you would have episodes that last 4 days to a week of not being able to sleep, being hyper, doing a bunch of shit followed by longer periods of depression. That would be bipolar II.
I personally swing around like this on a daily basis. I go from being hyper to depressed within the same day.

>>82110294
So he got a great shot of that. Good.

>>82110297
>so idk why ur asking here
I just want a sanity check, hopefully from some intelligent self-aware anons with BPD.

>>82110294
>She is a pathological liar and refuses to even consider that she has any mental illness.
Just did a quick search
#1 aspd
#2npd
#3 hpd
And if you think you have BPD then it's safe to assume you are aware that you are a pathological liar

>>82110312
>some intelligent self-aware anons with BPD
Nobody with borderline has self awareness or enough introspection to know that they are borderline. Generally, people with BPD are huge assholes with 0 sense of empathy. I can already tell that you don't have it just from a few comments

>>82110312
I have quiet bpd and have been to therapy. Not saying I'm completely self aware yet. But close

>>82110332
>BPD would never ever ever lie because uhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm
read a book midwit

not op btw

>>82110332
I am NOT a pathological liar. From my research, a lot of people with BPD are pathological liars, but not all of them. I don't know if I have BPD. Personally, I avoid lying as much as possible, as I have a few interesting life stories to tell, and if I got a reputation of being a liar, people would never believe me.

I hear you, That's a lot to deal with. I've always thought you were stronger than you give yourself credit for

>>82110344
dunning Kruger moment
creator of DBT has BPD

>>82110344
>Generally, people with BPD are huge assholes with 0 sense of empathy
You are completely wrong. But what should I expect from someone who gets their info from 4chan. Ppl with BPD are known for having *too much empathy*

>>82110363
Do you know me?

>>82110348
Are you embarrassed that you didn't understand what I said then replied to it?

Look, I don t actually have BPD, but I dont even have NPD, I m just an abused dog with father born in city of the smartest most elusive jewish good actors, and my mother is a swedish trash cunt. I was like dis due to the extrensive bullying i went through elementary school. I wasn t my fault.

> TJ 2y0

>>82110357
If you are saying your mom has BPD and lies all the time therefore I would assume you lie all the time from having BPD. Or. You gave your mom the wrong diagnosis because you were fed bullshit information from dr 4chan

>>82110379
me straw manning you was more like me steel manning you because you're a vapid "theoretical ph.d from googling" dipshit

>>82110307
To me, that sounds like just normal depression.

You can either go the blue pill direction and get antidepressants from a shrink. Or you can go to the store yourself and get 5-HTP.

Or you can take the red pill: go to the local vape store and get some shrooms. Guarenteed quick fix. Best to space the trips out to every other day until you run out.

Remember to keep up with your B vitamins and vit D as well. I would try this first before jumping all the way to BPD.

>>82110365
>*too much empathy*
Another thing I should've brought up in OP is that I go from having really high empathy, even tearing up a bit thinking about other people's suffering, to being very low empathy, to the point of not even caring about killing babies. Although, I typically feel very guilty and shameful over the latter thoughts after I have them, like I'm a monster.

>>82110392
>steel manning you
Ur weird as hell kid

>>82110364
>>82110365
>Ppl with BPD are known for having *too much empathy"
You are both thinking about emotional empathy, not cognitive empathy, which is why most people with BPD are insufferable

>>82110432
Just because you think you're entitled doesn't mean BPD people are obligated to demonstrate any empathy for you, presumptuous cunt

>>82110373
Yeah, not just from what you've written here, but from before. Enough to remember things you probably think I forgotten

>>82110208 (OP)
>My uncle is an obvious vulnerable narcissist
what did you observe in him?

>>82110442
You are actually retarded. This is a well studied thing about BPD. They intensely feel the emotions of others, but may struggle to understand the reasons behind those emotions or to see things from another person's perspective. This paradox is sometimes referred to as the "borderline empathy paradox"

>>82110432
>cognitive empathy
This ain't even a real thing. Wtf

>>82110479
It is a real thing. But you wouldn't know if you had BPD. Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another person's thoughts, feelings, and perspective without necessarily experiencing those emotions oneself. It involves taking another person's viewpoint and recognizing their mental state on an intellectual level, not an emotional one.

I am a vulnerable narcissist

Oh my FUCKING god, that's quite lot of information. Wanted to upload other pic.

>>82110463
>what did you observe in him
Constant lecturing, backhanded insults, demanding praise, demanding apologies, talking to me in a condescending tone all the time, and not being able to handle even the slightest criticism (narcissistic rage). He is a pretty big loser in life with no accomplishments or built up wealth, so he doesn't have any grandiosity. He will talk about how bad he feels and everything going wrong, but if you bring up something you're having an issue with, he will angrily dismiss it. He is an emotional sadist and full of rage. I do not believe he is capable of empathy.

>>82110463
>what did you observe in him
Constant lecturing, backhanded compliments, insults, demanding praise, demanding apologies, talking to me in a condescending tone all the time, and not being able to handle even the slightest criticism (narcissistic rage). He is a pretty big loser in life with no accomplishments or built up wealth, so he doesn't have any grandiosity. He will talk about how bad he feels and everything going wrong, but if you bring up something you're having an issue with, he will angrily dismiss it. He is an emotional sadist and full of rage. I do not believe he is capable of empathy.

>>82110493
Empathy is feeling emotions. Not thinking emotions. There is no way for you to understand this since you will never feel you own emotions. And ppl who who have never felt their own emotions shouldn't be allowed to write scientific papers on it

>>82110466
Meanwhile
>Six studies did not find significant differences between patients with BPD and healthy control subjects in terms of empathy or related processes.
Yeah my little drooling kekold, this is totally irrelevant to methodology. Everyone must care to do empathy for no gain or else they can't do it! kekw

>>82110526
>I am a vulnerable narcissist
Finally we have one person here who is honest. Surprising it's a narcissist

>>82110559
Ppl who feel others emotions prefer to not go in public and feel others emotions so therefore we must not exist according to science

>>82110554
wrong
>>82110559
also wrong. Have you ever met someone with BPD? they are absolute fucking assholes 100% of the time

>>82110592
>Have you ever met someone with BPD?
That's, in fact, me
>they are absolute fucking assholes 100% of the time
Or maybe you behave like a fag and so is your experience? Ever thought of that?

>>82110615
It's always npds crying about bpds being big meanies. Every fucking time. They're just mad someone actually stood up to them.. npds hate avpd cuz they ignore them.
Npds hate bpds because we fight back

>>82110615
That explains a lot about how you have been responding. Absolute lack of understanding of other's perspectives

>>82110630
anyone who'd feel like it'd be bad if survival mode person would out them cry like that irrationally. even normalfags, because they are fake and gay
>>82110638
>my logic and reasoning are utter dogshit but agree with me because my perspective is to be shared for no reason
lol. lmao. normalfaggot get the fuck out

>>82110630
>just fight back a NPD bro

>>82110690
we don't post selfies here

>>82110265
Neurostar fixes BPD? It fixed my depression, but I've never heard of it fixing other issues.
I'd be careful, it fixed my depression but my mom who had different issues just became more confident and energetic to be a shittier person, so PLEASE research if this is what you need.
>>82110214
A dude with BPD? THAT IS EXTREMELY RARE.
Also the symptoms aren't adding up. You should be having
>Anxiety disorders
>ADD or ADHD
>Emotional disorders

What you are describing isn't falling into those categories.

Here is something I learned dealing with depression before overcoming it. Mental illness is used as a crutch most of the time because people don't want to accept blame or try strategies to cope. They think a pill will make it all go away then are shocked when it doesn't and they are switching pills left and right and end up worse than they started.
Most people who are depressed don't have real depression. Real depression effects your physical ability to move and you feel nonstop guilt just for existing while feeling empty inside. Most people are just sad cause life sucks and they aren't fitting in to industrial society.

Just try to do the best you can, try to only medicate if necessary, and seek help from professionals if necessary.

>>82110690
Wouldn't engage with this guy because I don't want to be anally raped. And we all know a lot of npds shame comes from closet homosexuality

>>82110769
>A dude with BPD? THAT IS EXTREMELY RARE
NTA but IIRC they're just under-reported (toxic masculinity culture) and misdiagnosed (as BPD is still biasedly believed to be a girl thing), with the actual prevalence roughly equal to women with BPD
>just became more confident and energetic to be a shittier person
I'd take it over being catatonic and anxious in my free time

>>82110769
>THAT IS EXTREMELY RARE
My research would say a lot of vulnerable npd women are wrongly diagnosed with BPD which makes male BPD rare...

>>82110769
>Real depression effects your physical ability to move and you feel nonstop guilt just for existing while feeling empty inside.
I have this, anon. I just want to hope into bed all the time and do nothing, and I feel shame on a regular basis that makes me freeze and put my head down. The shame often makes me want to kill myself. I also often get enraged and want to start killing people, and I occasionally get a bit excited during these episodes.

I've been self improving for years, but I'm pretty fucked. I can't get any normal job due to my insomnia. Now, if someone just gifted me $3,000,000, I would be doing much better. Not only would I feel financially secure, but I would also feel like I could date most women without issue.

>>82110769
>no true scotsman'ing depression just because it's prevalent in dogshit modernity
snowflake moment

if you're like me and love diving deep into shit and wanna get fucking down and dirty with BPD, peer at it's guts, especially if you have it, watch some Sam Vaknin

Worlds most reasonable self proclaimed Overt Narcissist/Psychopath, we don't judge here okay, I'm BPD in recovery and his work was ESSENTIAL for me to untangle my soul. it is what it is; and that's his attitude too. I encourage you to watch even if this concerns you, just extract the valuable mechanical understanding he provides and discard the rest; i.e use your frontal lobe.

But what he uncovers through his videos is that all cluster B exist on a spectrum, starting at psychosis, moving over the "border" into "borderline" then into narcissistic personality structure/defence and finally raw psychopathy.


TL:DR;
THERE IS NOT TYPE CONSTANCY BETWEEN CLUSTER B DISORDERS, WATCH SAM

disclaimer: I'm borderline so regard this post with that preface and judge what you do from there.

(i recommend starting with the bellow video: It's a deep dive and starts very broad, so buckle up or ignore, but if you have a comfy evening ahead and feel scholarly, you're in for a real treat.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-THt5sJ5VE4

So I have been an incel all this time, all the way to the age of 25. I did make out with a 24-year-old woman when I was 15, though, and I've had a few (count on one hand) sexual experiences with women since then that I've paid for (only two of them were for sex, both in 2018). I had several attractive girls crushing on me in middle school and high school, especially high school, and I was only there for two years.

I blame my inceldom on three things primarily. The first one is being obese. I gradually got fatter until I peaked in my late teens. The second one is being poor, not even having been able to afford a car for myself. The third one is mental illness. My OCD and whatever other bullshit I have has sabotaged my life. I can't even get a job, and whatever girlfriend I would get would have to put up with a lot of bullshit from me, and compound this on top of being poor. I can see myself leaning out (I've been lifting since 2013 and I'm on steroids.) and achieving 7 or 8/10 looks in around a year, but I can't see myself becoming wealthier any time soon.

When I imagine myself in a relationship, specifically with a woman, I believe I would constantly be worried about the relationship ending. Like I would constantly be having to self improve in one aspect or another or constantly find ways to keep her entertained just to keep the relationship going. The idea of having a girlfriend actually stresses me out because of this, like it's not worth the companionship. I have a general hatred of women at the back of my mind. I hope to have children at one point in the future, but I'd be worried about the woman wanting a divorce. There's no way I'd get married without a prenup. Not that this is a realistic fantasy, though, due to my mental illness and me being poor.

>>82111762
Bump. Especially for the last paragraph. This is the reason I question whether I have BPD or not. I do have a lot of emotional dysregulation that results in implosion, so I'm like an introverted / quiet BPD, but I can't reference any past relationships I've had because I've been an incel. What else could cause feelings like this?

>>82110208 (OP)
Is lacking empathy to a degree normal with BPD?

I basically cannot feel anything for anybody unless i know them directly. I don't feel moral outrage or sadness when i see atrocities happening on TV in wars or whatnot.

Yet, i can feel sad and cry, but i can only feel sad for myself and people i know directly. Nobody else.

>>82112614
>Is lacking empathy to a degree normal with BPD?
I have no idea what I have, but I switch from high empathy to low empathy, and then feel ashamed at the sociopathic thoughts I've had. I'm also OCD, but these thoughts occur when I'm actually angry and that is what I truly feel, so they're not just intrusive thoughts.