i dont know what to do, i cry every single day and I curse god and humanity and want to hurt people out of frustration.... I'm only 5'5'' and on paper you would think I pass, but I don't pass for shit. last year I had ffs with one of the best and I still don't pass. I've exhausted all of my options. for months I was hoping and praying that it was the swelling but I was just lying to myself. I'm rotting away. i don't think the surgeon did anything wrong, he did everything he was supposed to do it just wasn't enough. i want to murder my parents because they didn't allow me to transition when I first came out. i was very young and I could have had a better chance at passing but instead they said it was just a phase and iw as gonna grow out of it and then therapist after therapist after therapist who wasted years trying to convince me I wasn't trans
. i
as I type this I'm crying and screaming. i want to destroy the world. i cant tell u how angry I am. don't tell me to see a therapist because I've seen tons of therapists and they were all a waste of fucking time

look I don't care about love and relationships.... that is not the source of my pain. i just want to look normal and I know I don't. i get clocked and even when people don't clock me I can see it in their eyes that they are clocking me. there is nothing else to do. i hate god I hate the world I hate life I hate my parents. my parents need to die. i didnt' choose to be born and then they brought me into this shitty place and on top of that delayed my transition and now I'm disfigured and cant have a normal life. i seriously don't care about relationships or love. I live in a detached house and I refuse to see my parents and even when I am alone I feel dysphoria because I don't look how I am supposed to look. i hope a meteor nukes the world fuck god and fuck allah piece of shit allah and fuck dirty Muslims