>>33615289
https://archive.org/details/Cultural-Philistine

real talk im also schizophrenic i had a break when i was 16 and nothings happened to me since then (19 now) but i felt the same way then, that you feel now. The only way to get resolve these feelings into something that will make you feel like you are yourself and not an empty vessel watching its own soul deconstruct itself in real time is to let whatever is going to happen, happen. just let it happen and experience it and dont try to fight it or try to make it stop (if you kill yourself it doesnt stop it follows you through death) just let it come and let it go and trust that your body and your mind are doing this to you for a reason and if you just leave it the fuck alone then you'll be ok.

adam lanza is a person who did exactly what you are wanting to do. he eroded his mind and utterly obliterated his humanity to where he was capable of killing 28 people. he stood exactly where you stand and felt exactly how you felt. so have i. you dont get to ever really stop being a person, you dont ever really get to cross the point of no return. its all going to feel the same even if youre wacked out on spermwhale semen or grilling in your backyard.

just let it happen man. feel everything and let it happen.