I was sober from the hard shit for 6 weeks and i relapsed tonight with NEP.

now at the end of my sesh and the benzos are begining to kick in so il probably Will be black-out soon and sleep

it was't worth it, I feel a deep shame and i feel like ive betrayed myself and my family. I shouldve just gotten shitfaced

I think im going to burn my whole Stash sometime in the near future, but its hard to have that need for a fix, needing a cope, something to break the Day to Day.

And honestly i didnt really feel any different those 6 weeks, no mood improvement or shit like that. Sober or not i Just feel kinda empty man, like there is a shell of a person but inside there Just is't anything there, I feel emotions way Less then normal People. Not empty in a deppressed way but more in the sense that outside the character of myself i play with coworker and friends and family and whatnot that me as a person Just doesnt really exists.

But whatever man, im gonna (try) to stay off the hard shit, relapse is a part of recovering from any addiction i guess

I hope everyone here is doing good, Havent been on 4chan since i quit with the hard shit, since the culture here doesnt help when trying to get better.