my relations with others are shit because I will unconsciously be wringing as much dopamine out of my interactions with others at their expense and at the expense of the longterm health of the relation as a whole
and if I can't wring any more dopamine out of interacting with them, or if I perceive some tiny slight that bruises my ego, I will cut them off and continue elsewhere
that is why I am essentially as "annoying" as I was when I was 14. I hate people like myself, and admire the virtuous and innocent, even magnanimous, even though I realize that being a good person is a privilege.
"you're born to this shit. you are what you are"
