OY! What the bloody fuck did you just say about me, you cheeky little muppet? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Royal Marines, I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Falklands, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in all of Her Majesty’s Armed Forces. You are nothing to me but another soggy biscuit, mate. I’ll wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before, mark my bloody words.

You think you can get away with saying that bollocks to me over the internet? Think again, lad. As we speak, I’m contacting my secret network of MI5 spies and your address is being traced right now, so you’d best prepare for the storm, mate. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your “banter.” You’re done, sunshine.

I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ruin your life in over seven hundred different ways. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I also have access to the entire arsenal of the Ministry of Defence, and I’ll use it to its full extent to wipe your sorry arse off the map, you daft twat.

If only you’d known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, perhaps you’d have kept your gob shut. But you couldn’t, could you? You couldn’t help yourself, you bloody plonker. And now you’re paying the price, you absolute doughnut. I’ll rain fury all over you and you’ll drown in a sea of shite.
You’re done for, mate.