>>24850638
Tense issues is one of those things where if you're just conscious of it and line edit your work same or next day and look for it, eventually you just start getting it right the first time. It's like in high school chemistry class where at the start of the year you have to check the periodic table for details, but by the end of the year you just know what you need, like the molecular weight of oxygen or whatever.
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4 results for "5f968834a0f68a195fb5f921278f1ef3"
>>24846010
Your sentences are far, far too long. Really, you've got run-on sentences and comma splices and it makes the eye glaze over as I read it: nothing of import is conveyed.
It CAN be okay to write long sentences, even run-on sentences. But you better be able to diagram those sentences and explain what each clause and phrase is doing.
What are you even attempting to do with this passage?
Your sentences are far, far too long. Really, you've got run-on sentences and comma splices and it makes the eye glaze over as I read it: nothing of import is conveyed.
It CAN be okay to write long sentences, even run-on sentences. But you better be able to diagram those sentences and explain what each clause and phrase is doing.
What are you even attempting to do with this passage?
>>24539058
Ignoring her aching muscles, she pushed the doors open.
The sentence is fine, it was just missing a comma to separate the clauses.
>In the far future, the stars belong to humanity-- but not the same humanity that left Earth. Gene editing, ideological drift, and technological augmentation have fractured human society into thousands of clades and cultural factions.
>To bridge this divide, a tradition endures: the Voyage. Adolescents are given a ship and sent into the unknown to prove their worth and bring back legacy.
>The Light of Calypso carries one such crew. Aboard it, the children of peace will encounter ruins of war, ideological echo chambers, ancient relics, and cultures that barely recognize them as kin.
>This is a story of discovery, diplomacy, and design -- where every encounter reshapes their future.
Good summary, I like the alliteration at the end. HOWEVER:
>>To bridge this divide, a tradition endures: the Voyage. Adolescents are given a ship and sent into the unknown to prove their worth and bring back legacy.
Humanity in all it's variety and diversity is united by a shared tradition of... giving teens a space ship and sent into space to fuck around and bring back children? Not, like, troublemakers who don't fit into the society they're born into, but just all teens? I haven't read the chapters yet but uhhhhhh what?
That premise is far out man. Also, isn't Calypso the witch that kept Odysseus from leaving her island for years while they were banging until the gods made her let him go? The allusion/reference there doesn't seem to quite fit, unless you have a plan for it.
Ignoring her aching muscles, she pushed the doors open.
The sentence is fine, it was just missing a comma to separate the clauses.
>In the far future, the stars belong to humanity-- but not the same humanity that left Earth. Gene editing, ideological drift, and technological augmentation have fractured human society into thousands of clades and cultural factions.
>To bridge this divide, a tradition endures: the Voyage. Adolescents are given a ship and sent into the unknown to prove their worth and bring back legacy.
>The Light of Calypso carries one such crew. Aboard it, the children of peace will encounter ruins of war, ideological echo chambers, ancient relics, and cultures that barely recognize them as kin.
>This is a story of discovery, diplomacy, and design -- where every encounter reshapes their future.
Good summary, I like the alliteration at the end. HOWEVER:
>>To bridge this divide, a tradition endures: the Voyage. Adolescents are given a ship and sent into the unknown to prove their worth and bring back legacy.
Humanity in all it's variety and diversity is united by a shared tradition of... giving teens a space ship and sent into space to fuck around and bring back children? Not, like, troublemakers who don't fit into the society they're born into, but just all teens? I haven't read the chapters yet but uhhhhhh what?
That premise is far out man. Also, isn't Calypso the witch that kept Odysseus from leaving her island for years while they were banging until the gods made her let him go? The allusion/reference there doesn't seem to quite fit, unless you have a plan for it.
>>24518812
You probably just don't know how to write a sentence properly. Read this, it'll help.
>>24518811
I've heard haremshit does really well at bringing in money. I wouldn't know, I'm a system-slopper.
You probably just don't know how to write a sentence properly. Read this, it'll help.
>>24518811
I've heard haremshit does really well at bringing in money. I wouldn't know, I'm a system-slopper.