I had the very unfortunate circumstance of meeting a woman at my job, getting in a relationship, wanting her to have kids with me, her saying no I'm too scared, and then her having kids with another coworker in a very short amount of time. So I witnessed not only heartbreak but extreme suicide-fuel. I witnessed everybody at work suddenly start to treat her like a princess, the guy like a wise man, I saw her mom that was estranged for 10 years finally visit and see her grandbaby, I saw how people from the office pitched in and bought the couple clothes and pampers for their new baby. I saw it all. Two complete strangers making a lifetime connection and I was just in the way. They're still together after 3 years and I still work with them. They bring in their kid to work sometimes. I drive alone, for an hour, to an empty house. And then I get to see what could have been my life at work, with a woman I really wanted to be with. I can't quit because I have no other references.

This was the worst hell I've ever experienced. I wanted kids before, and a relationship, but seeing how easy some people create a family out of nothing, and seeing how happy they are, I've literally become an anti-natalist, bitter human being. I have outbursts at work and I make up excuses like traffic or a bad day but it's literally this torture of seeing my ex-girlfriend start a family with a guy I work with. It's a small office so I hear and see every little bit of their lives changing, for the better. The guy quit drinking and cigarettes, the girl stopped being a whore and became extremely defensive over her man. They facetime each other when one of them is home with the baby.

I'm a believer of God and I'm a believer of signs, this event changed my life forever and I learned that I'm not meant to be happy with a family, but instead to suffer.