>>40924557
>>40926299
(2/2)
Eventually I forgot about it. Then I stopped drugs and lost that girl too, again due to fapping. The last one, 40 days, was due to divine intervention. God touched me and blessed me. I believed in Him, so He believed in me. But I lost Him after a month.
But this time it's my turn. This is my first conscious run. I'm scared that the reason is a woman, just a random shopkeeper. I'm still recovering my faith, I still want to be with Him, but the root of the run is her. I'm not young or pretty anymore. I'm in my 30s, fat, poor and blackpilled. I can still talk, I’m still charming, but I'm just a shadow of my past. I'm trying to switch the goal from her to God, but the flesh is weak. The last few days were hard, I edged for hours, but at the last moment dragged myself outside to clear my mind. Literally dragged, pulling myself from the PC. It takes 30-60 minutes outside to calm down.
Unfortunately, I will fail. The goal was set wrong. You shouldn't focus on external things. Remember Solomon's parable about the passing of things. It will pass. Everything will pass. But all things still affect you. So it's better to focus on yourself and work on yourself for your own sake, not for someone else. I will endure as much as I can, but my end is already written.
The reason I'm writing this is to advise you to clear your mind of worldly things and focus on your own being and spiritual connection. You will understand me when the time comes. The rest will come by itself.
The great yogi Swami Vivekananda wrote about the phenomenon this way:
"When you renounce nature you find that she takes an interest in you. When you renounce her a little more, she begins to chase you. And when you finally don't care for her at all, she becomes your slave." Paraphrased, from "The Yogas" by Swami Vivekananda Another way of stating the law is thus: When you become entirely devoted to the Lord of Creation, All of creation becomes
devoted to you. And this is the last test.