>>8957837
Sure. Some of it comes from your typical domination and frustration. More of it I think for me comes from feelings of distrust and betrayal. I have to force my affection and sexual advances because I think any display of her liking me is just a trick to hurt me in some way. She can't betray me if she is already resisting and hates me. Sure, she can still hurt me after but it's not betrayal so I am ok with it. And if her hate and fear is a way to fool me then the only logical emotion she would be hiding is that she does secretly like me so again no need for betrayal. In a fantasy where I can make anybody feel anything it has to be me taking it from her. With these fantasies I'm ok with sexual contact but I become really uncomfortable if the sexual contact is from a place of affection for the both of us or lust from the girl.

All of what I just mentioned is late stage however. As a kid one of my first sexual awakenings was seeing April from TMNT be bound and captured. I didn't do anything but I really liked the image and the idea of saving her. Also when I was young (12?) there was these learning books about science and history and such at school. When I read the war book for some reason one of the passages was about a rape and torture of a woman that took place to which I went to go find the dictionary and look up the word rape, which one of the descriptions was "a fate worse then death". I guess that uncomfortable disgust sat with me. No idea why they would put that in a book meant for students.

I know this is a common fantasy for both sexes but it always felt a little "wrong" with me. I don't like seeing it happen in canon fiction and I always wanted both sappy romance and rough gangbangs with sometimes a screwed up scenarios, this is a contradiction and can't really happen coherently. It's difficult trying to resolve such opposites while having some psychological condition that represses accepting affection.