Mad how optimistic I was about life until I started my first full time job

Toil has crushed my spirit

I'm wasting my time creating zombie apocalypse lore with gpt holy shit. I'm 29 no house only thing that I bought from wagecucking is motorbike and android phone also khv

>got called a passoid on this board a few times before I even started HRT
>convinced me I'd be gigapassoid
>1.5 years in, all I have to show are A-cup conetits and thighs that make me need to use anti-chafing balm all the time
Anons I'm losing faith that I'm gonna have any physical changes past this point. I feel like a fucking mutant

> me, young transgender going into sophmore year
> everyone is confused on what I am, I would identify myself as a guy if it werent for the fact I had breasts
> see this guy down the hall when I was getting out of second period, holy shit, I couldnt tell if I wanted to be him or wanted him
> start to do girls football, stand awkwardly in the field, feeling out of place and only more sissy than I already am
> get back in the locker room, I see the same guy that caused me crazy envy
> turns out hes trans too.
Do I go for him? I'm so fucking stumped.

my grandmother is probably on her last legs and just got put in an assisted living facility.
I'm really scared of death so this is a really morbid reminder of the inevitability of everything
had a weird depressing dream about her being in the facility too. fuck man. I don't know if I'll be able to bear this shit when it happens to my parents. my parents are already almost 60 because they had me late.

I can't pay for my meds and I'm desperate. I don't know what else to do, I've applied for every single job I've found

31yo
Virgin
balding
living with my parents
low income
shut in and socially retarded
traumatized due to some shit
vidya and many other of the things that used to give me joy are becoming less and less efffective as time passes...

Everyday i wish to die in my sleep....