>>41369140
>Something constant which recognizes that this is all kinda fucked up, but cant do anything to sway how things are going. Its like i have a completely rational mind thats just sitting on top of a crazed troll monster going "oh damn, look at that".
I have this same thing going on. My internal guide has become like a corrupting force. I try to give it love, but that doesn't seem to change anything. it does recognize my attempts, but I can't get through to it. I think there's a deeper part to the depth of it. I feel shamed by it.

>>41371324
>Recently ive been experimenting with the concepts of sex and violence as a means to control the rage. Since sex and violence are polar concepts. The idea being that by leaning into violence, the return swing from violence, to sex can be secured and fixed through the expression of paralel polar concepts.
We tried this same thing, but it ended with us going in a different direction than yours. My feminine side was encapsulated instead of ingrained in the traditional sense-becoming trans.
Instead of that, I have a different form, like from a video game. I feel secure in this.