Honestly depending on your definition I would be trans and will always be trans, but ever since I've given up transition I've gotten more confidence and better self esteem and have been working through my problems and my life is on the right trajectory. I feel more comfortable being a man. There's little to prove and little to work on other than myself and how socialize with others. It's really been the right decision. Staying on hrt for me would make me look forever weird. I look hot as a guy on T. It's necessary for my body to not look so bad so I can have a cishet relationship. Hrt made me happier, but also sadder. I had more range of emotions, but on the whole, it was probably worse. I couldnt control my negative feelings. I'm calmer now and feel as though I can get through life. I dont think I'll truly ever know if I could have transitioned and if my life would have been better, but I'm happy with the decision I've made
