employed finally, but I dont remember if I already said that here. im more tired at the end of the day now obviously, which means I want someone beloved to keep me accompanied in bed, when im at my weakest mostly. also I cannot sleep for 12h when im feeling down anymore which adds up. some money for my family though. I think I would work harder for a different kind of family, not just parents. its just not possible now

Came across a short video comparing getting over someone to having to amputate a limb. maybe im too narcissistic, comfortable, or scared to eject sections of me like that. maybe i dont want to forget how divine she was. it could be impossible for all i know. I dont like thinking because it hurts. it hurtsssss

it has been a while since I cut and I wish i had the drive and passion for it like in spring