could just go pure all-out. withdraw what's left of my overdraft. and/or spend it all on sweets, booze, feels less and less like anything matters. but in a more pragmatic 'holy shit i made it past 30' way than some moody/impulsive teenage feeling.

i mean if you knew you were terminally ill, you wouldn't care about a lot of things. might even be a relief. don't go out murdering, but get some ice cream in.