>I never wanted to be a slut, or be in a polycule, or listen to music or watch movies about trans issues

They simply didn't exist in '09. The closest you could get were movies made by cis people who didn't think we were *completely* disgusting freaks, but still, most were barely better than the 90's Girl Has a Dick Grossout craze.
John Waters had some movies featuring Divine, who was a charming but clocky fat trans woman. Great actress, but i doubt her loud boistrous performances would convice any of the cishets that we weren't freaks, probably the opposite.
I remember in the mid 00's Dave Attell interveiwed a few trans sex workers in a cab and on the street for Insomniac on comedy central, and he was usually pretty respectful of them, regardless if they were clocky or not. I always sorta got chaser vibes from him but he seemed endearing enough. Good show too.
I don't know how old you are anon, but my pretty serious GF started hormones at 35. She's 38 now and she is hot. Is she clocky? Sure. But she looks good. So much better than she used to, and she's more confident too.
And she's happy. Not all the time, but actually fairly often. I'm prettt protective of her, but she hasn't even gotten a ton of shit from people all things considered.
There is quite literally still time.
Watch the movie I Saw The TV Glow if you really need something to shock and frighten you into transitioning ASAP.