>>33615635
Part of it is that you might have to learn to forgive him. That doesn't mean he necessarily did the wrong thing, but you have to acknowledge that this darkness was as involuntary for him as it is for you.
You absolutely have to judge him by his actions before his words or thoughts. Did he ever strike or neglect you? Did you go to school smelling like a trashy house with two many animals? Did he ever denigrate you expressly? Actively try to reduce your self-image?