I swear the dreams I have on SR are what made me know this is something beyond understanding. The effect busting a nut has on the psyche, soul and subconscious is just incredible. Fapping and watching porn has to be the worst normalized habit ever in human history and I'm not even exaggerating.

I had an epiphany today at church.
I failed again, it's been about 2 years of seriously trying to quit porn and masturbation mainly through Christ and the word. I started watching porn since I was 11, I'm 26 now, in 2020 I started getting into some really fucked fetishes, mainly trans stuff. I always feel like I'm so far gone nothing can change my brain and the future of my life. Most I've retained is about 20 days in the last 2 years, some good streaks from there to there. Anyways, in Church I realized, why am I here? Why is my soul in such pain? How was it 3 years ago, did it even care of the porn I consumed? In that moment I started thanking God for his light, thanking him for coming down and showing me the right path; in work I just said the same thing today, a problem that can't be seen can't be solved. Same goes for a Socrates dialogue I read were he said that it's better for a man to he punished for doing evil since it helps redeem the most important part of him, his soul. Well now I know what the tears and the constant accusations of the holy spirit are. Now I'm aware of my problem, all the effects it has in my personality and soul that lead up with hardcore porn use and masturbation. Thank you God for showing me the way, for making me see, even if I'm too weak to work with you to fix it, I will never not thank you for what you've done.