>>40924557
Nah man, it's alright, I believe you. I'm in the same situation as you, but a little worse. I still haven't managed to deal with attachment issues, which means I'm confused by this "kindness" and interpret it as signals for something more.
The bad thing is I made this mistake before and tried to make a move on my subordinate at work. It didn't end well and I regret it to this day, even though it happened a few years ago. I still can't forgive myself. The accident was tough even for amateurs, cause she laid down on my couch, so it felt like a reasonable move to try my chances.
So I decided not to do anything like this again. No first moves from me until I'm sure the signals are real and not something else. I know that moment will never come, so I've been trying to accept a monk's mindset and convince myself that this is the way I want.
But the flesh is weak. I can lie to myself and try to do divine things like celibacy, but the reason for my 30+ day run now is her, that random shopkeeper. I understand my mistake, but I keep making it. Unfortunately, the shop is right next to my home, so during her shifts I go there more and more often. And every time I see these signals. She is very friendly with me, very polite, always says goodbye. She remembered what I usually buy and talks to me about it. But I can’t be sure if this is anything more than simple politeness. She is too young, only about 20, she hasn’t seen the world yet.
This is my first serious SR run in life. I knew about the benefits 10 years ago, in my 20s. On my first 21-day run I found my first long-term girlfriend. SR was random, I was just busy with life in my uni years. I lost her due to fapping after a few years. The second run was while on SSRI, I managed ~80 days and found my second girl. Libido was low, SSRIs affected it, so I can't say that was a legitimate streak, cause I edged and wasn't able to coom.
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